Need to take my own food to a wedding-WWYD?

[TheVeronicas]

I am a last minute plus one.
I don't eat meat or dairy (not really the issue however).
It's a buffet.
Since I was about 6 or 7 years old I have really hated eating in front of people (largely due to being a fat child but that's by the by).
So;
Likely very little on this buffet I can eat.
I probably will not feel able to go UP to the buffet as they're my nemesis, maybe later on when nothing's left and most people haev had enough to drink but... they make me incredibly anxious

So I am going to take a large-enough handbag and find somewhere to sneak off to. I am plus one for the Maid of Honour so I am there from morning until whenever stupid o' clock time she can escape!

I have thought to cook some vegetarian 'sausage' rolls and put them in a sandwich bag?
Crisps
Flapjacks
Any tricks I am missing?
In fairness, MOH is my new partner of 6 ish weeks and she knows about my afflictions and has said she'll go up to the buffet for me but this doesn't solve the issue of probably not being anything much I will eat.
She'll be busy on the morning so will be leaving me (staying the night before) with her family-if I were going alone I would have just eaten a hearty breakfast/brunch and likely not had much of a problem but not an option unfortunaly!

Flapjacks, oatcakes, and nuts are my filling go-to snacks. I wouldn't bother with crisps. They take up too much room and aren't filling enough.
Also apples or a banana for snacking in a quiet corner during the photos.

It's quite possible that there won't be anything I can eat on the buffet other than bits of salad, which is not going to work when I am there all day and night.

I have been to buffets where even the bread rolls are ready-buttered. I won't starve to death, but I could become nauseous and sick which won't be great when I am wanting to make a good first impression on a family. Making myself ill and miserable to 'suck it up' would be stupid. Making the day 'all about me' would be demanding to be catered for.

I have briefly mentioned it upthread but when I met the bride, neither her nor her partner had any idea how to cater for me and had to google it-which tells me that I will likely be the only one there who doesn't eat meat/dairy or indeed has any dietary requirements at all, it evidently isn't something they've had to consider before.

Nobody will know I have brought my own food-I plan on being very discreet-at least a buffet means not everyone will be eating formally at the same time with place settings etc, so it won't be obvious.

I hear you, especially on the first bit, but as I've said above-I think it is very likely that there will be nothing I can eat. I would be mortified if I went up and had to come back with nothing or a plate full of just crudites/salad leaves, even more so if someone was with me! I'd rather just breezily say 'I have a special diet and didn't want to bother (bride) so I ate before I came' or something.

It would help me a little to get over buffet-anxiety, but realistically this is the first time in five years I have encountered one, so it isn't a crippling issue.

Yes I often use a gluten free cereal bar in my handbag if I’m not sure about the food options where I’m going.

It would be 100% ok to have a plate of crudités and leaves.

But just put a veggie sausage roll and flapjack in your bag. I wouldn’t bother with crisps, they take up a lot of space for little filling substance

A quality ziplock bag is a better option than a Tupperware box as they take up so much less room.

Linda McCartney rosemary sausages are as delicious cold as hot - couple of sausage sarnies in cling film in your handbag? Go easy on the ketchup though 🤭

Is the catering being provided by the venue? If so, can’t you look it up and get an idea of what the food might be?

Also, it’s a bit risky to take nuts in case other guests have allergies.

OP, its an extremely common anxiety to have eating in front of people, loads of people have this, you are not abnormal or strange, I think its probably in the top 10 of fears people have, doesnt have to be rational but we all have our quirks

I think if I were you I would put non perishable foods like snack bars, nuts in particular, flapjack things and just nibble on them throughout the day so that you dont have to 'go off' and eat somewhere else but you're eating enough so you dont get light headed and sicky and feel comfortable. You could go up to the buffet and put a few bits on your plate and just push them round a bit if it makes you blend in.

Try and eat as much as you can in the morning, as others have suggested perhaps protein drinks that dont need to be in the fridge or other snacks too.

Do you have any of those little freezer packs OP? That way you can keep whatever perishables cold if you take yourself a mini tuck box etc.

I’ve been in the extended family at the cottage in this type of situation.

The family member bringing the new partner explained in advance that new partner had a restricted diet due to longstanding issues with food, would bring and eat their own food, and asked us not to mention it or offer them food. It was fine.

I have been here! I don't really go to social events anymore so I had forgotten how this felt!
But I do completely understand you OP, rather be hungry than face the idea of standing there looking at food you don't like or do like but too many people around to pick it up and put it on your plate, what if you take too many but it's all you actually like... Then the inevitable questions of 'Is that all you've got?' and being pointed out as fussy etc.
I always used to disappear once the food appeared.

I would recommend snacks in your bag, but I wouldn't worry about people noticing especially once the formalities are over and everyone is up and about, nobody will even notice.

I am not vegan myself so not sure which foods to suggest but so you don’t stick out I would take vegan items that you might find on a buffet like sausages ect and then go to the buffet, get a plate put some salad and crisps on the plate (and anything suitable you find) and then quietly add your own items and you will be eating with along everyone else.

I don’t think you have to hide what you are doing. If anyone asks you say you were a late addition to the guest list, have dietary requirements and didn’t want to put the bride to any trouble so you have brought some extras to add to the buffet. Perfectly reasonable and considerate in my opinion.

In this day and age many people have to be really careful about eating food that has health implications. Peanuts, sesame seeds, dairy.... take your own food and if asked just say you've got food allergies and don't eat out. Enjoy the wedding and don't worry about taking food everyone will be piling plates high on buffet food!

Don’t worry about squishing things into a wedding handbag. I like to be comfortable so I now take the fancy little handbag to carry into the ceremony etc and a second shoulder bag with spare shoes, a jumper/wrap in case it gets cold later and, under the wrap, a pile of snacks! Bananas are good - lots of filling carbs. Flapjacks/snack bars. Nuts and dried fruit. Sometimes I don’t need any of them but the security of having them gives me confidence I can get through the day. More often than not there is a lengthy lull whilst endless photos are being taken and that means an opportunity to sit quietly somewhere and have a restorative snack if needed.

Don’t worry about taking your own food.

i have food allergies that mean I often carry back up food because standard food isn’t always suitable and a coeliac friend of mine is exactly the same.

many more people are aware of allergies and such like these days so I find rather than people telling me it’s rude they understand a bit more.

the quorn stuff mostly contains egg although they do do vegan versions of some stuff - apologies as I noted you said no dairy and assumed egg would be ok (this is my situation).

If you are staying in a cottage, why not offer to provide breakfast for your partners family?
This way you get to control having a big breakfast made of foods you like and do something lovely for the people you are staying with.

I’d look at compact protein heavy food. I have food allergies so often bring food along with me to all sorts of occasions. A ziploc (specifically a ziploc re space in the bag) of nuts, protein bars, various peanut butter themed options. A note that you don’t know if others there have allergies so if you’re eating outside food I’d ensure I was away from others, touched nothing and washed my hands immediately (thinking about nuts specifically)

dried fruit is easy to bring along and takes up very little space.

Put your food onto a nice plate and wrap it well then unwrap secretly and it will look like you just got the food off the buffet as normal.

I am looking that up now! Thank you

I had this exact thought process earlier! And I have indeed ascertained that I can fit two wraps in my handbag in one of these!

I know It's a church wedding then onto a function venue of some sort but that's it, my new DP has not been forthcoming with the information. She's so laid back It's unreal, I doubt she's even asked them herself. She's on a church rehearsal type thing tonight but I am going to ask her when she gets back-trouble is I do doubt she'll know if It's a venue thing or there's a catering company so I am not sure asking her will get me anywhere in any case!

That isn't a bad idea, thank you.
I used to eat in the loo at school and college. I'd go to music festivals and hide behind anything I can find to eat. I was out with friends at a daytime function the other day and staying at a friends and I sneaked upstairs to my room to eat then, I CAN do it, but I much prefer not to. I have managed to eat in front of the woman I am dating but that's because I just decided I have had enough of myself now. A wedding buffet is just a bit of a nemesis.

I have bought two flapjacks and some snack things today. If I can do this, I will. I am going to manage this somehow. Doesn't help that I am one of those people who has dodgy blood sugar, if I don't eat for lengths of time I do feel sickly all of a sudden and I don't want that either.