How did your body hold on to trauma ??

[hellohellooo]

I think mine was most likely brain fog

Lethargy

(Binge eating too) !!!

Serious hypervigilance

I used to drive so slow
Any male driver I saw I was sure they would drive into me

Thank you.
I have started reading The Body Keeps the Score.

Binge eating
hypervigilence
dissociative amnesia
IBD
panic attacks
flashbacks

I’m rereading The Body Keeps Score - first time round it helped me recognise that I even have a traumatic past (along with a load of therapy)- most I can’t remember - but second time round most parts seem to be relevant to me and I’m kinda shocked I didn’t get it first time round. Mind and body need to be ready to deal with this stuff I think.

I would really recommend getting a splint for your teeth if you struggle with sleep, headaches and sore neck. I was - and still am - grinding my teeth at night.

I had to wear it for 2 weeks continuously and then taper it off. 6 years later, i still wear it occasionally. I got it via my dentist.

Having lost a tooth due to grinding my teeth at HUGE expense (and more expense to come with a replacement) I would look into it.

My sleep score goes up a lot!

Thank you all these are great

Need to also look into emdr

I am really crap with investing in myself sadly

A lot of the above. Most obvious though was psoriasis - it was terrible. Cleared up when I got rid of my ex and has never come back.

I hope your life does improve from this.

Anyone else become hypersexual? Like doom scrolling on your phone gives you a dopamine hit, but with masturbation?

I'm also restricted eating, binging, and obsessed with my physical appearance and due to low self esteem I constantly need attention or validation from others online

I have the startle reflex and scream if my husband surprises me. He has to knock on our bedroom door to warn me he’s coming in.
and like you I also feel lost when not under extreme stress. I don’t know what to do with myself. So despite having lots of regular stuff to do I find myself procrastinating over ever little regular job.

I have been clinically depressed since I was 18. Migraines and asthma. I have a blood clotting autoimmune disorder which caused miscarriages and a stillbirth. They were able to diagnose my blood disorder after I almost bled to death following the sb. It may or may not have caused a leaky heart mitral valve. Chronic kidney disease. I have 2 infarcts in my cerebellum from 2 mini strokes, epilepsy focal seizures and vertigo.

the fact so many of us have IBS, brain, kidney and heart issues has really confirmed what I’d always suspected. When people ask if it’s hereditary, I have a DS it really pisses me off. No, it’s because I had horrible hateful parents and a bf between the ages of 17-19 who I spent most of my time persuading not to kill or maim me.

I have always thought everyone hates me too.

I don't have many memories before 15-16.
IBS.
Insomnia.

30 years later I still have nightmares about the ex. Addiction which I’ve kicked.

Thanks to all PP for sharing this has been an incredible thread, I look completely normal so never disclose all this to anyone. Thanks OP.

Hypervigilance and grinding my jaw while asleep/clenching it while awake. My teeth are going slowly south as a result.

Being borm for me was probably traumatic - three months premature and weaned off heroin 😞

Then a decade ago, I had a terrible concussion, post concussion syndrome before a horrible breakdown. I was put on various psychotropic drugs, polydrugged, then injured by an off label antipsychotic prescribed for severe insomnia and anxiety after my head injury. I was permanently injured by the antipsychotic that gave me a neurological involuntary movement disorder called tardive dyskinesia.

I've always been anxious and am pretty sure it was passed down via my birth mum who was abused as a child. 😳😢

This thread really is eye opening. Thank you to everyone ❤️.

Currently in the middle of a really bad spell and my ED has come back with a vengeance. Not sleeping and lying awake thinking of all the things that could possibly go wrong.

My mother’s just told me to get a grip on the phone (I’m 44) so that’s nice. 😳

Lots of physical symptoms now, apart ftom my involuntary movements of my movement disorder..
I feel.on edge a lot, clench my jaw, feel very tense, and hate being in pain I can't control (things like gum pain from perimenopause makes me anxious).

I cant take a lot of medication these days as I'm sensitive to it, and it could exacerbate my movement disorder, so even taking medicine is traumatic for me - I'm a bloody nightmare lol 😆 😅

Big holes in my memory. The kids say "this happened " and if have absolutely no recollection.
Also teeth grinding.
Jump at the tiniest thing.

As a 6 year old child I was orally raped by a stranger . He was caught not long afterwards due to my teenage uncle recognising him . This all happened around 1960. It all went to court but it was never spoken about in my hearing so I don’t know the outcome of the court case .
nobody ever mentioned it again and obviously thought I had forgotten about it .
at the time of the assault I never told my parents or anyone else that he had put his penis in my mouth but I don’t think at that time it would have made any difference to the case.
a short time after this happened I woke up one day and couldn’t open my eyes . I remained unable to open them for several days , but eventually my slightly older brother sat with me and encouraged me to squeeze them open . Now I can see that this was a trauma response but at that time when I asked my mum what was going on she told me that it was because it was a reaction to me having orange lolly ices . I knew that was twaddle even at that age but went along with it and avoided them going forward.
It turned out that my aggressor was a dustbin man . My uncle spotted him while the bin waggon was near his home , told his mum , my grandmother, and she went straight to the local police station and they arrested him . I was told about this at the time . When it went to court I had to attend but the only thing I remember about that day was that a very nice man gave me half a crown . That was a lot of money for a small child in those days and made me happy .
The trauma came out later . I was petrified of stranger men , especially bin men . I wouldn’t leave the house if they were around and I would run home if I was already out . This has carried on my whole life . I also hate being home alone if a work man of any sort was expected and someone has to come round and wait for any repairmen expected so I’m not alone .
I tried to hide all this from my parents because I didn’t want to upset them so managed it mostly alone . I’m over 70 and it’s always been in the back of my mind but it’s never defined me and it’s never caused problems with my mental health . No depression . No anxiety other than the bin man thing etc . I have three adult children and they know nothing about this and so they shouldn’t .

That's appalling, @winnieanddaisy. I'm so sorry. And so glad that you've been able to create the life you want despite it all.

I hope you are able to carve out time, just for you, doing what brings you happiness, away from stress and abusive family members . I think it’s likely that when your granddaughter grows older she will realise that her father is abusive. You are so strong for being there for her, yet it is time for you now and crucial to care for yourself too. I hope you are able to get some time to get out and do whatever you want and have a lovely day today. 💕

@winnieanddaisymy heart has broken reading your story. I am so sorry you had such horror inflicted upon you at such a tender age. You sound like an incredible human with an inner strength few can match. I hope your family have bought you much happiness, you deserve it.