Who do you love more your spouse or children?

[Batbrown]

Of course the love you have is different for each, but I don’t know how else to phrase it. I did chat GPT and it basically said not to rank them. A spouse is someone you have a romantic commitment with, it’s a mutual respect, build on choice whilst the love you have for your children is based on instinct and responsibility, the relationship is not equal unlike a spouse and and based on guidance and provision. I think it’s also complex, not all parents like their children and some are NC or estranged so this could affect their choice. What about age? Some adult children only see their parents maybe once a month and live their own lives, does this affect the decision? I don’t think there is any right or wrong answer, everyone will have their own reasons.

The dog. Then DC. Then DH!

Although I have so much love for them all, I wouldn’t be able to live life if something happened to my children, but I think I could without my husband as my grief eased. I don’t think it would get easier re my children.

make up your mind. A moment ago I was a misogynist, now Im a misandrist? 💀

Your comments about great dads and widowers don’t negate what I actually said which is statistically men are far more likely to abandon children than women.

So it’s not unreasonable when they do in life or death, it’s less surprising than when women do. It still doesn’t follow that being more surprised when women choose men over children makes my a misogynist. Perhaps ChatGPT could help you better formulate your argument?

Interesting you’ve totally ignored my comment about women who adopt or even those mothers who give away their children? I’m sure they don’t factor in your agenda.

You clearly have some men issues that I can’t be bothered to get into. But you can’t deny there are single fathers out there raising children.

ChatGPT did tell me that most women that are misogynists have usually been let down by men, mainly their fathers and husbands and are just bitter. So…

You’ll find very few women who disagree with my position that there’s something particularly abhorrent about women who prioritise men over their children.

you can see the reaction play out on any one of a hundred threads on MN where women prioritise their mean, bullying often violent “partners” over their children. And that’s without even getting into the nub of this question: women who would allow their children to die to save a man.

I’m assuming it’s something you would do hence you being so defensive 🤷‍♀️

Yet again ignoring those that adopt or give way their child. Okay, I get, you can’t answer that or don’t answer as it doesn’t prove your point.

And yet there are hundreds of threads where women do choose a man over their child… so it does happen. You’ve just proven that by pointing it out. So thank you for proving my point 👏🏼

Love for children is different totally unconditional

I'd happily give my life for both in order to save them.
My DC are my world. My DH gave me them. If I had to pick them or him - I'd pick them. He would do the same.

That poster never said it didn't happen though.

What are you even on about?

She said very few women would disagree with her postion yet mentioned the hundreds of threads about women picking a man over their child…. So yes many would disagree, hundreds you could say. Catch up.

@Batbrown still no idea what your point is.

that some awful women chose men over their children?

yes that’s true. So? 🤷‍♀️ I haven’t argued against that.

I didn’t comment about adopted mothers because I have no lived experience. Nothing in my post negates the experience of adopted mothers. Just as nothing in my posts suggests that there are not men raising children alone.

You seem to be quite determined to argue with yourself so I’ll leave you to it 💀

I don't have kids but if I did I think I'd prioritise their lives over my own and DH's and I think he'd do the same however I think I would die or at least risk my life to try and save my DH. Hopefully I will never be in such a senario. There is an interesting film called Force Majeure which deals with this idea. Also the writer Ayelet Waldman has written about loving her husband more than her children.

Oh bless you. You think that a few 100 women prioritising men is evidence against my assertion that the vast majority of women find doing so abhorrent 🤣

it’s like debating with a child

Well yes, actually you did. You mentioned the “bonds of motherhood tend to be stronger. We carry our children, birth them then nourish them. They literally come from inside us.” So this isn’t the case with adoptive mothers is it or surrogates for that matter. But yes, it’s probably best you do leave.

Just because you have some clear issues with men doesn’t mean we all do.

She never said it doesn't happen, just that she finds it worse when it does happen. Which is a fair enough opinion to have considering the rate whixh men abandon their kids compared to women doing it. Im always more surprised to hear about women leaving their dc than men doing it.

Which is misogynist. Why should women be held a higher standard? Men leave all the time, but heaven forbid a woman do the exact same thing. If you can’t see that’s hypocritical then no one can help you understand.

But there are clear, biological differences between men and women when it comes to children. That’s okay to acknowledge. Trying to level men and women as exactly equal when it comes to children diminishes the role of women and mothers. Why do we need to be the same as men in this arena?

It is more surprising when a woman leaves her kids.

The statistics speak for themselves.

Like what? Not all mothers breastfed? So what other differences are there apart from the woman giving birth?

If you don't think there are differences can you explain why the vast majority of single parents are Mums, or why so many men have zero contact with their kids?

That is quite a major difference, is it not?

We give children life, they grow inside our bodies, and we share with them the blood, pain and trauma of their birth. A woman’s body and brain fundamentally and physically change when she gives birth to a child, men’s do not. That’s okay to acknowledge. By trying to deny this it reduces the lived experiences of women.

But you said there are major biologically differences between men and women when it comes to children. So again, I’m asking you, what are they?

https://www.science.org/content/article/pregnancy-resculpts-women-s-brains-least-2-years

Here’s one article, as a very small example of the wider literature.
Matrescience by Lucy Jones is also an excellent book that covers the major research into this topic. But I doubt you’re interested in educating yourself.

And the women who adopt or use surrogacy don’t go through that, yet are still mothers. So they like men don’t go through the lived experience of women. But are still held to a higher standard if they were to leave despite not giving birth. Hmm.