Who do you love more your spouse or children?

[Batbrown]

Of course the love you have is different for each, but I don’t know how else to phrase it. I did chat GPT and it basically said not to rank them. A spouse is someone you have a romantic commitment with, it’s a mutual respect, build on choice whilst the love you have for your children is based on instinct and responsibility, the relationship is not equal unlike a spouse and and based on guidance and provision. I think it’s also complex, not all parents like their children and some are NC or estranged so this could affect their choice. What about age? Some adult children only see their parents maybe once a month and live their own lives, does this affect the decision? I don’t think there is any right or wrong answer, everyone will have their own reasons.

Hopefully we would all save each other burning building wise, all get out together helping each other. Straight choice has to be child we've had a lot of our lives they deserve longer.

I love my son more than my husband. I would die for DS - not for DH. As a PP said, the love for your child/ren is unconditional

Yes still here. I’m conflicted. The who would you save your child or husband is a good point, probably my child as it was my decision and husbands to bring them into the world. Our jobs as parents is to protect our kids. But what if you have more than one child? What if you have a favourite child? Sadly not all parents love and protect their kids. So I do wonder what parents who abuse their kids would say. I also don’t believe in unconditional love. I think there are certain terrible things that my child could do which could question my love for them. But I say my cat. I love my cat the most.

Good point. Any men on here that would like to give their opinion?

Always the cat

I love dd far more than dh and I expect him to feel the same about me. I assume he'd choose dd over me if he had to. However the dog trumps them all. She thinks I'm great simply for my ability to open a tin.

But the fact isn’t obvious. A majority decision doesn’t mean it’s right. I’m sure you can understand that. It’s a personal decision that doesn’t have a right or wrong answer. Interesting you mentioned parents as by what I gather from this thread parents are way down the priority list of love.

1. Children
2. Spouse
3. Pet
4. Your own parents

I find something very strange about anyone but particularly women who even have to think about choosing between a man and their own flesh and blood.

I would sacrifice myself and my DH in a heartbeat for my DC

Children, no question about it!

When I was younger and more romantic I thought that I would love a partner more as you choose/fall in love with them whereas kids just come along and I didn't think I'd feel the same.

Fast forward 30 years and while I might be prepared to kill to save my DH, I would kill and/or die to save my DC.

Most of the time I prefer/enjoy my husband's company more. That shouldn't be surprising because of all the people in the world I chose to share my life with him.

But I would shove him under a bus if it meant saving my children, absolutely not even a split second of hesitation.

@Batbrown DH and I have talked about this and we both admit that the children come first. We’d both leave the other in a burning building if it was a choice between child or spouse.

Which is great, because all children deserve to be loved that deeply, we shouldn’t have become parents otherwise.

Whom we want to hang out most with is different!

My children

My children, no question.

This 100%

This, exactly.

The children. Unconditional. They are 11 and 13 but I will always feel this way, I think. The love just can’t be broken.

Sorry but it is blatantly obvious to most parents. And there IS a.right and wrong answer. There is (should be) an overwhelming deep evolutionary instinct to protect your children. Anyone who doesn’t have that probably shouldn’t be breeding! Once my DC were born I knew I’d jump in front of a bullet for them. Without question. And I am a complete coward otherwise. I would not do this for anyone else and if I we were in a situation where it was DC or partner, then again they’d be no question who I’d save. It doesn’t need thinking about, it’s extremely clear. I find the fact it isn’t for you quite odd and slightly concerning tbh.

Children 💯

My child. No doubt.

When ds was 9, my partner of five years told me to 'get rid of ds' half the time if I wanted our relationship to progress. It took me a nanosecond to make that decision !!

Partner of five years was outraged and accused me of being incapable of love, but as I pointed out, me & ds come as a package, We (me & ds) had invited him to be part of our family (no small thing) and instead of being delighted, he'd tried to oust a 9yo boy from his home. And duly found himself out on his ear. 😊

I can't imagine any parent coming to a different decision. My love for my child is visceral, fundamental.

I find it more concerning you care about what I think. I disagree and you have clearly missed the point and unable to broaden your perspective. I already explained I don’t believe in unconditional love. Say for example if my child were to commit a really terrible crime say against my other child, then no I doubt I would love them unconditionally if they had raped or murdered the other child. I think it’s pretty naive to say you’ll always unconditionally love your child.

The thing is, dh and i would want the other to shove the them under a bus to save DD!

Years ago this topic came up at a dinner party with the example of who would you save in a fire/drowning.

my DH said he’d probably save me. My response was if you save me at the expense of any of our children I will kill you with my bare hands.

I think that’s an entirely normal reaction

I find this question really difficult.
Essentially, I love my children more, but DH is my priority.

I also think it’s difficult - as I very much want to spend the rest of my life with DH, doing everything together and seeing each other every day as we have done for the last 20 years. Whereas I very much do not want to do that with my dc. In a logical decision however I’d want them to survive ahead of me or DH - but isn’t that mainly because they have their whole lives ahead of them, whereas we don’t? I think this is selfish love vs unselfish love so not comparable.

i very much hope my dm would not attempt to save me from a burning building, given her age!