Who do you love more your spouse or children?

[Batbrown]

Of course the love you have is different for each, but I don’t know how else to phrase it. I did chat GPT and it basically said not to rank them. A spouse is someone you have a romantic commitment with, it’s a mutual respect, build on choice whilst the love you have for your children is based on instinct and responsibility, the relationship is not equal unlike a spouse and and based on guidance and provision. I think it’s also complex, not all parents like their children and some are NC or estranged so this could affect their choice. What about age? Some adult children only see their parents maybe once a month and live their own lives, does this affect the decision? I don’t think there is any right or wrong answer, everyone will have their own reasons.

Again, WHERE is the laugh emoji?! Why has mumsnet hobbled us so?

Absolutely this.

Cat first, then children, then DH. He always says he loves me more than DCs because he chose me and also I’ve never bitten him, which is a fair point.

I chose not to have children, made this choice when I was a kid myself and never understood the desire for them (now 46).
My husband is the most worthwhile person I have known (sad or good), don't know. Parents were shit.
Would I die for my husband? Probably not, but these questions are hard to answer.

My children. No contest. And I’m sure DP would say the same if asked.

My son. It’s not even close.

The love is very different. Dd 8 is my world and I would do anything for her and if need be die to protect her

the love I felt for dh was different and now as divorcing had gone

the love I have for dd will never go

it’s totally different

Oh the children, absolutely. Closely followed by my dog

What if you have more than 1 child , my point was you always have to make a choice so you choose to save the most vulnerable and it’s got nothing to do with who you love more .

They're just very different kinds of love.

I adore my husband. Our love is based on respect, admiration, shared values, shared history, shared interests and our commitment to a life together. It is powerful and an unstateably large part of my life and happiness. But, if those shared foundations changed, it would alter our love and possibly end it.

My love for my children is completely unconditional. There is nothing they could do that would make me love them more or less; I love them entirely and I always will, no matter what they do.

There is no real way to measure 'greater' or 'lesser' in this context. Different kinds of love for different kinds of relationships, that's all.

Children always- it’s fierce, unconditional and instinctual. I’d kill for them & give my own life for them. Romantic love is always conditional, however stable and enduring it is.

Are you still there OP? What's your own take on this?

I wonder how men answer this? I suspect they would rescue their wives first.. I’m going to ask my DH..

The dogs 😂
the others have conditional love, dogs do fuck all wrong

They are not in competition so there is no need to rank them.

In any situation where there was not enough of something for everyone, we would both choose to ensure the children had what they needed first.

Also the type of love is completely different.

Agree with @RepoTheGeriatricOpera, love for a partner is conditional; for children it’s unconditional.

That doesn’t mean that you always like your children’s behavior, but you don’t stop loving them no matter what. Whereas if DH messed me around, the love would quickly fade.

Love is such a weird term isn't it? We really could do with different words for the different emotions that fall under the umbrella of love.

The cat.

Child. Don’t even have to think about it.

I love my dh - he is my rock and life partner. However if I needed to, I would use him as a human shield to protect our children.

The answer to this seems so obvious I’m interested to know why you asked OP? Are you struggling with your bond to your children? Are you wondering how much your parents love you?

My children by a million miles

It’s a different live but I’d save my children first every time and would hope that he would too.

My children. I love my DH very much, but my children more.

Is the dog an option? Currently the only one not being a prat.

Children. Always. They are the reason I breathe and without them there would be no life for me.

If the husband disappeared it would be inconvenient but as my baby making days are over, I wouldn't look to replace him. I couldn't be arsed to go through the whole dating, meeting, getting to know part. There would be a few moments such as getting things from high shelves, answering the door when I've removed my bra for the evening, mowing the lawn that I'd be irritated about having to do but my world wouldn't end.

I am quite fond of him so I would think of him occasionally but it wouldn't be on the same level as the children.