People who genuinely don’t care what people think - how do you do it??

[Illprobsregretthis]

I heard Katherine Ryan make a joke about having a personality disorder that means she just does not give an F about what people think, and that honestly must be nice! I on the other hand sent an email that could be slightly misconstrued as harsh and worry about it for hours.

People who don’t care; how do you do it?? Or am I destined to be one of life’s over worriers?

I am with you op, I really worry about what people think! I so wish I didn’t. I am currently listening to the let them theory audiobook. You might find that helpful.

I simply don’t care. You can’t control what other people think of you. What other people think of me is simply not my business. That’s how I do it. It feels great tbh.

I got old. That helped.

I don't really care what people think, I think it's just how some people are made.

I guess I just know who I am, accept that I can't change that and that I can't be everyone's cup of tea, so why try?

Someone said to me when I was a teenager "remember it's none of your business what anyone else thinks about you" and it really hit home.

I don’t care what anyone thinks of me tbh. I am a kind and helpful person and a hard worker and I think if people don’t like me or what I do then that’s a them problem.

I have loads of friends and am well regarded at work and socially. I’m a very happy and content and confident person. It’s fantastic not giving a shit about other people’s opinions I can highly recommend it

What people think of me is none of my business.
I’m more interested in whether I like them, than whether they like me.

However, I do care about how I make people feel so would care in the sense that I wouldn’t want to upset someone unnecessarily; I just don’t give a shit what you think about my hair/clothes/behaviour etc.

How old is old? I’ve always been this way but I’m noticing now that I get older it’s progressing 🤭

The version of me that lives in other people's head is not my responsibility.

The trick is to have nothing to lose.

My dear departed mum cared terribly what people thought. I never did understand why. She was always worried about neighbours, family if any of us did anything slightly unusual.

I think you either care or you don’t. I don’t give a stuff and never have. I don’t know if this is good or bad. I don’t actually care. As I get older I care even less.

If you’re stressed about this read or watch ‘Let Them’ by Mel Robbins. I nodded along to every word.

Agree with getting older. I'm 56 and it's great to care less. Freeing.

That’s a great way of explaining. I’m going to steal that off you the next time someone asks why I don’t care.

I don’t know 😂 I truly can’t understand why people get so worked up about what other people think and twist themselves in knots.

I do think it has to do with childhood (trauma). I was, of necessity, a very independent child. I had to be, basically, to survive. I was left to my own devices a lot and had to sort myself out. I am probably by nature not a people pleaser because there was no one around to please, so I got on with it and didn’t care what anyone else thought.

For example, Dh on the other hand is very much a people pleaser, always stressing about what everyone thinks and what we have to do to make everyone feel a certain way about us. It’s childhood stuff. Keeping everyone around him happy kept him safe. He had to become an expert reader of everyone’s emotions. And feels deeply anxious if he perceives people are displeased with him. It’s all from childhood.

I think the answer to how you change it is probably therapy and working on your relationships with your family. If those relationships are unhealthy, you start by changing them until you get the confidence in other relationships. You have to do the work on yourself first. Fwiw, hyper independence is not a good thing either and also has its consequences, as I can attest. But it is useful to not give AF sometimes!

I just can't be arsed giving it much headspace

Very good.

I think you have to make your own opinion of yourself matter more. Be super compassionate with yourself. But it means getting to know yourself really well too - your history, experiences, the impact they’ve had on you, why you might have said what you said etc.

I disagree that is have to do with childhood trauma. I know plenty of people that had a great childhood no trauma and are like this. I think it’s more to do with anxiety and people pleasing. You may disagree but you and I both know we don’t care 😂

how do I do it? I went through menopause, that’s how!

This ☝️

Worrying is such a waste of time. Most other people are in their own worlds busy thinking about themselves/ job/ family/ what's for dinner etc. To really care too much about you.

I will never be everyone's cup of tea and that's fine with me. I have a good circle of important people around me and they are all I care about. I won't twist myself into knots to suit other people, or seek external validation. I'm my own cheerleader and I'm bloody fantastic. If you can't see that, then suck it up or jog on.

I turned 40, I literally woke up that morning and no longer cared.
Do people think I am too loud, too fat, I don’t have a good enough job, my house is too messy? Whatever I don’t care

I care. But I try as hard as I can never to say or do anything that goes against my core values.

Me too. Turned 40 and just didn’t really care anymore.

This. Old really helps.

I wasted many years worrying about what people thought about me. Now I’m older I don’t care.
Im just annoyed with myself that I wasted all those years on people who don’t matter to me.

I’m exactly the same as this. I always want to be thought of as a nice, polite, caring person and I would never want to intentionally make someone feel bad, and if I do happen to upset someone, I am very quick to apologise.

But I literally couldn’t give a shit about what people think of my lifestyle, clothes, hair just like I don’t care about other people’s. If it makes them happy and confident then crack on and I shall do the same.