I sympathise.
I spend most of my free time worrying what others think of me 😭
I have low self esteem though and often feel insecure about how I look, how I sound, how I come across. (Luckily I now have insight into it and can label it) When I was a teen: I couldn't. So I believed the chatter in my head.
To be honest: I think it is to do with sensitivity and empathy (on steroids!). It gives you an intuition/gut feeling about people and what they're thinking/feeling. You pick up on their facial expressions/body language/cues. I think it's patronising when people say "you've got no idea what they're thinking. Oh I'm sure they're not being funny with you ". I usually hit the nail on the head (unfortunately) when I get these vibes.
But.... As others have said. Regardless. What use is that information to you ? If they're not big bollocks enough to tell you that you annoy them or they're not your biggest fan or that they disagree with you : they themselves are showing a great big character flaw of being passive aggressive.
Best to grey rock and act simple. If someone is coming across like they don't like you : 1.) does their opinion matter /are they of value to you ? 2.) unless they directly tell you something. Act dumb and keep being you. Can't spend your life second guessing what you may have done to offend them. (Yes, I'm still a work in progress)
What I've learnt about me and other people pleasers with lower self esteem is the inherit need to be liked can come across as not genuine and people pick up on it and see you as insincere. So better to cringe internally and be direct/say you're true opinion- even if it feels awful first off, people will actually like you more. For example: hairdresser after a dodgy colour : "looks great doesn't it ?". You/me/us : "it's a little warm in places. Could you lighten those sections ?" . A genuine interaction has taken place. Both parties know where they stand. Your self esteem rises because of it. False "nice" interactions further lower your self esteem in the end and leave you (and others) totally unsure of who you are.
So:
1.) yes we may have a pretty good idea what people think of us when negative vibes are felt (but regardless, we can't control it , so the rest is utterly pointless)
2.) if you change the way you act/feel/your opinions based on whether others will like it or not, you'll spend your entire life being a chameleon that nobody including yourself knows who you are.
3.) all of us are disliked by some people. Fact. I know really genuinely lovely people that someone doesn't like at work because they're "too perfect/annoyingly good"
My DH is one of the most controversial people I know. Really 😲 opinions on some contentious topics. Calls a spade a spade and isn't frightened of offending, so will give his honest opinion when asked. Some love him, some hate him. But he genuinely doesn't spend a single second thinking about it. But he is on the autistic spectrum, which helps. Maybe being more logic led and less emotionally led is the way forward !