Why are there so many men on this site?

[19ptrialprice]

There seems to be an increasing number of men on this website. These men appear to present themselves as straight cisgender men. This isn’t a trans issue. I don’t understand why a website that was created specifically for mums have a large number of men on it.

I understand why childfree women join as there are a lot of threads that are not about parenting. Childfree women will also use the site to get advice on TTC or miscarriage which are women exclusive, in the sense that women are the ones that give birth and also have to go through miscarriage. Men of course will experience child birth and grief but it’s the women, whose bodies have to experience this. Women have a shared experience of being a woman for example starting your period, growing breasts, TTC, miscarriage and menopause. Something that men’s body will never experience. Of course men are entitled to use this site but why should women have to put up with the men that are making sexist goady comments, which they are a lot of.

Should say this post is influenced by a man who told me to fuck off on this site after I called him out on his sexist behaviour.

Along with Justine and Carrie, Tech (as was his username) was a man. (Probably still is.)

They want to see how our minds work cause they just don't understand us.

Well, I stand corrected. Steven Cassidy built the site.
I stand by my position though. Too many overly verbose men on here- I know they are men because they announce themselves as such!- and one gets weary of reporting frankly.
You can also see it in the periodic threads wanting to discuss male violence.

Indeed. So people saying that men should use Dadsnet are actively telling them to use a section of Mumsnet - but they must oddly steer well clear of all of the other sections, as men wanting to discuss TV, property renovations, legal matters or Scottish politics MUST all be trolls and pervs.

It makes me think of what they did with the Smurfs movie (and countless others), where it was naturally assumed that all of the characters would have their own individual personalities and foibles - which would obviously mean that they all must be male, of course; but then there is one token female character whose individually defining personality trait is that she happens to be female.

You could improve dadsnet though couldn’t you?

I think a lot of men possibly have a twinge of envy when it comes to women's sense of community.
There's something about being a woman...Im not so naive as to call it a sisterhood, but we do a good job of coming together in groups, supporting each other, creating our own stuff. Being a woman is like being part of a massive club in a way.
I dont think men have that. I know that all the times ive needed a lot of help in my life, its always women who have stepped in to physically and emotionally help me, and I do the same.
Men are more like islands.
In male-heavy groups online, there's often quite a horrible sort of "anal" vibe. I notice on 50/50 community groups, someone might say something innocuous like: "where can I buy some really delicious samosas?". And i just KNOW before I even click down to the comments, that someone will have said "Just make them yourself. Its easy."" and that it will always be a man.
Similarly, someone might complain that the local recycling bin is overflowing and creating mountains of litter in the street, and you just KNOW that a male poster is going to rock up and say "Instead of whining, why dont you get out there and clean it up".

I dont think men do a good job at listening, talking and opening up to each other, and male dominated spaces tend to have an undertone of rigidity and oneupmanship IMO.

That's probably why a lot of men turn to these female spaces where sure, we can be snippy and catty, but by and large we are good talkers and listeners.

No, well, I don't know how to. Does it not depend on the users more than the designer or promoter?
@SayLaveee is right about the general feeling of community that women generate.
For Judy O'Grady and the Colonel's Lady are sisters under the skin

It's so annoying. I once posted here about how high my sex drive was at some point. And guess what? The amount of men that pm'd me. "Being turned on" . Urg 🤢! I never responded. Mumsnet even deleted some of their messages before I could read it. Just get out of here!

That's absolutely disgusting and exactly why we need a safe space.

But Dadsnet is just one section of a massive site.

There is no single discussion topic called 'Mumsnet' - there are loads of different sub-topics for all of the areas that people naturally want to discuss.

How would you feel if an occupation that is very male-dominated, but in no way exclusively restricted to men - such as building or taxi-driving - decided to hive off all of the females in one restrictive section?

So say there's a popular trade magazine called 'Cabbie' (I don't know if there actually is!)... they have a contents page that reads like this:
Fuel: where is cheapest?
Insurance: who gives taxi drivers a fair premium?
Car Models: which are the most reliable and flexible choices?
Current Road Closures: don't get stranded!
Electric Cars: does it make sense for you to switch?
MoTs & Repairs: the garages that give taxi drivers a great deal and prompt service
Legal: latest rules and guidelines and how to stay on the right side of the law at all times
Safety: how to reduce your risk of attacks
Cabbie Girls Chat: the one-stop corner specially for the ladies, where you can find and discuss everything that you could ever possibly need to know as a female taxi driver!

There are annoying people on here of both sexes. There are some men on here but they are still a minority. Also, you can't assume that any post that you disagree with or that you perceive as sexist is from a man. I've seen a lot of people assume that posters are male with very little evidence for it.

Its a parenting site for parents.
Plus Dadsnet and Gransnet are so slow as to be almost dead.
I'm here mainly for the general chat threads and the property thread.

Yes, I remember that one. I can't really recall any other threads recently that were by a man. Clearly I don't go on the boards that are others are (for context, my DC are long grown up and left home).

I'm more likely to read threads about elderly parents than childcare these days.

It’s called mumsnet for mums. Not parentnet for parents.

Even within the main current of the site, people will often use AIBU for traffic, rather than a more appropriate but tumbleweedy smaller topic.

Nothing about AIBU as a topic is sex-specific at all.

Well said.

I can't say that I'm aware of any apart from maybe one person. Although I'm pretty certain that he is likely to be a father anyway, he posts on the Legal Matters board. It is very useful having him contribute to threads there.

It only is if you wade right in and completely ignore and slap down what the owners of the site clearly say and tell them "Nah, you must be mistaken, love!"

Which, incidentally, would seem to be a strong hallmark of common aggressive toxic male behaviour...

another thing that annoys me .. man posting, looking for a woman’s perspective/ view!

its guaranteed to be a man who’s desperate for women’s attention but can’t get any so goes to online women’s forums.

I can guarantee I know exactly who you are. But of course you assume I’m a newbie not that the fact I’ve named due to harassment from male posters. Your ignoranace is showing.

They have to say it is open to everyone due to laws around discrimination, it doesn’t mean you should stay where you are not wanted or think you are owed a place in women’s spaces.

The ignorance from that poster is laughable. I guess we all know who they are.

Tbf sometimes I would like a forum of men to ask questions to. I can understand why some men post in relationships. I remember a widower asking for advice about food etc and posters were really helpful, some men do need parenting advice etc as well.

When DD was a baby DH would often start conversations with “so I checked on mumsnet” he wouldn’t have felt comfortable posting in a womans space but he looked to mumsnet for advice on baby related topics.

I've mostly stopped using MN recently for this exact reason. They're allowed on here, I guess. But it means that the site no longer serves my needs.

🤣🤣