Why are there so many men on this site?

[19ptrialprice]

There seems to be an increasing number of men on this website. These men appear to present themselves as straight cisgender men. This isn’t a trans issue. I don’t understand why a website that was created specifically for mums have a large number of men on it.

I understand why childfree women join as there are a lot of threads that are not about parenting. Childfree women will also use the site to get advice on TTC or miscarriage which are women exclusive, in the sense that women are the ones that give birth and also have to go through miscarriage. Men of course will experience child birth and grief but it’s the women, whose bodies have to experience this. Women have a shared experience of being a woman for example starting your period, growing breasts, TTC, miscarriage and menopause. Something that men’s body will never experience. Of course men are entitled to use this site but why should women have to put up with the men that are making sexist goady comments, which they are a lot of.

Should say this post is influenced by a man who told me to fuck off on this site after I called him out on his sexist behaviour.

Female posters can absolutely be rude, passive aggressive etc. we've seen it all over the years. However, you can always spot which rude posts are from a male, they have that certain male aggression they are unable to keep a lid on. It's deffo soured MN.

Although like everyone else I would make the exception for Pigletjohn. Although I've not seen him for years. He was like MN's own helpful plumbing bot.

The feminism section used to be dominated by a male poster called Pan who just seemed to post purely antagonise and a transwoman who used to pm people to tell them they were mean. MN let them run riot for years.

For me, mumsnet represents real life in the sense that I will engage with what feels genuine and safe. I've had some preconceptions of mine challenged by women and I've learnt a lot.
With regard to men posting here- I have the same approach. I have friends who are men and will engage with what's safe and genuine. In real life, I don't pay attention to a male voice on what's clearly a women's issue; same on MN. I scroll on.
Sadly, like real life, women need to be mindful of predatory behaviour. I'm a Massage Therapist and so I'm on alert about this issue. Overwhelmingly, I meet genuine, nice men; but predators do exist and one got through my net recently.
For me MN is a bit like how real life is. If there's a man contributing; my radar is activated to establish what his motives are. Is it a genuine need for some help, because other men in his life aren't able to offer insight and emotional support to the poster? Or is it a man that feels a power over women?
In a way, it's easier to ignore on MN because you can just scroll by; or it's safe to challenge.
NB regarding the sexual predator I referenced above - what a deeply insecure man, but bigger and stronger than me. That's what makes it so horrible in real life. I totally understand why women might want an online space where the need to be on alert is absent. It's draining, but overwhelmingly I think MN is a place where women to look out for each other against problematic men.

Yeah. Call in women’s intuition, but it’s clear to me who the men are on the this thread.

Me too, and as long as they are respectful then it’s not too awful. It’s the openly misogynistic ones that get on my nerves, and the poor me posts that try to bleat on how hard it is to deal with all of their male privilege.

I see nothing wrong making something exclusively for women. Nothing at all, it’s about time we stopped all of this happy clappy compliance, and started having boundaries around our spaces.

Do I care about male loneliness? No
Is it my problem dadsnet is shit?
No
Do I want to share my space all the time with men?
No

I’m female but I can’t say I’m here for the female camaraderie - more for the debate, and I don’t have any issues with a few men (and it is a few as a proportion of regulars) joining in. MN these days isn’t really parenting focussed in the way it was originally.

There are male posters who have been on MN for years and years - many of whom don't broadcast that they are male, because it seems kind of irrelevant for the vast majority of topics.

Then, a newbie female poster comes along to join (great, welcome!); but she sees the word 'mum' in the name, without troubling herself to check out any context or understandings in the community that she has just joined, preferring to just make assumptions and insist that she is right.

So she starts the 353,293,021st thread asking "Why are there men on MN? I know I've only just joined, but I don't like them on here, so they all need to be booted off, as it's MY site now and not theirs any longer".

And then, irony of ironies, the men are blamed for invading somebody else's space and trying to dominate!!! Imagine the arrogance of ignoring the clear, oft-repeated guidance from the site owners as to who is welcome to use their site, and trying to bulldoze them and telling them that they are wrong!

Yes, there are lots of pervy and pathetic men, just like there are a lot of very unpleasant female posters. The majority of posters are decent, and the organically female-dominated demographic makes for a truly wonderful knowledgeable, engaging, helpful site that naturally excludes a lot of 'blokey' testosterone-fuelled topics.

Honestly, the majority of topics on here are not female-specific anyway. Yet you somehow get people accusing male posters of being trolls, perverts, aggressors etc. - just by dint of being male - for wanting to participate in an exciting parking thread, discuss holiday options, grumble about sky-high energy prices, enjoy sharing photos of cute kittens, get and give gardening tips... not to mention all of the actual parenting topics that equally affect dads (well, not the boorish ones who just don't care and leave 'the little woman' to do all the boring kid stuff whilst they play golf every evening - maybe they're the better ones?).

Just remember the golden rule: you can ALWAYS spot a male poster a mile off... except for all of the many, many times when you can't.

There's a whole section of this forum for women without children. Never mind the endless forums and topics that have nothing to do with parenting.

I have been on MN for over 25 years under different names, so please don't assume that the 'newbie' OP is alone in her concerns. Men may have been here for a while, but they are getting ever more aggressive and mansplainy.

Already we have a pp upthread, clearly a man by his own username, who is lecturing the OP and telling her to search the forum before starting a thread.

I agree it's not women's fault that Dadsnet is shit or that men are lonely.

As a woman I can usually tell - yes. Even when they think they are blending in. There are some giveaways.

(Man here)
Men are using this site because it is a general site. It has so much more than parenting advice. The DIY is good, we installed Light Tubes in gloomy parts of a room. Lots of advice about Solar panels for electricity. Thinking about buying the kit from Screwfix.
Health topics are helpful for older people as well. Politics is interesting.
It is so good we use it.

Why not build Dadsnet and make it as good?

Why can’t you use dadsnet? Surely it must have similar topics?

I do notice men swarming on any porn / sex work threads, and more generally on the relationship boards. The recent one who posted here to tell us he fancied being sucked off by another fella. Move along please lads X

I'm not sure there are as many handmaidens on here as people think. I suspect many of them are actually men trying to subtly convince women to 'know their place' and overlook aggressive and abuse from their partners.

@19ptrialprice You can disagree all you want but @LilyMumsnet has confirmed what i said.....If i also recall one of the initial 'founders' was a man.

Look, i get it, there are some chats men have no place being on and those men that are on those chats need to fuck off. Im with you there. If MN had indeed been setup just for women, say like the WI for example, and men invaded then i would say kick them all out but there is a wealth of knowledge on here that can benefit everyone, men and women, so as long as people remain respectful and nice to each other and know whats appropriate you will either have to accept it or close your MN account down.

@KateMiskin @Fitasafiddle1
Good point, I will look at Dadsnet, previously there was little traffic there.

@Fitasafiddle1 @KateMiskin....did you see the response from @LilyMumsnet further up? Take a look......it explains the position of MN whether we like it or not. This is a pointless arguement as its not going to change.

But does the new MNer actually canvas for opinion before making the bold assertion? I've never seen anybody do that.

I agree that there are a lot of thoroughly unpleasant people (and AI bots now, too) on here, who should be banned - but because of their attitudes and inability to engage respectably, rather than simply booting off the nice men and keeping the nasty women.

Incidentally, why do you assume that only lonely people like to engage in online chat discussions? That sounds a bit like saying that only alcoholics ever go to the pub.

Would love to know which one of Justine Roberts and Carrie Longton is a man @mn5962.

I did indeed see MN's response. I am allowed to register my disagreement. Anyone who finds it pointless can skip the thread.

I think it’s okay to say men are ruining the site, we have a massive incel problem in this country and it’s not immune here.

But how can you possibly know - unless every poster with whom you engage is required to prove their sex to you afterwards and you can evaluate your success rate?!

Me too.

I hate it. Why do men want to invade women’s spaces.

@KateMiskin You have convieniently missed out Steven Cassidy......Justine Roberts created MN and persuaded her friends Carrie Longton and Steven Cassidy to help her build the site.

Quote from Wiki:
''Mumsnet was created in 2000 by Justine Roberts to help parents pool information and advice, following a disastrous first family holiday with her one-year-old twins. She persuaded her friends Carrie Longton and Steven Cassidy to help her build the site.''

Do people realise that one of the forums on this site is called Dadsnet?