Why are there so many men on this site?

[19ptrialprice]

There seems to be an increasing number of men on this website. These men appear to present themselves as straight cisgender men. This isn’t a trans issue. I don’t understand why a website that was created specifically for mums have a large number of men on it.

I understand why childfree women join as there are a lot of threads that are not about parenting. Childfree women will also use the site to get advice on TTC or miscarriage which are women exclusive, in the sense that women are the ones that give birth and also have to go through miscarriage. Men of course will experience child birth and grief but it’s the women, whose bodies have to experience this. Women have a shared experience of being a woman for example starting your period, growing breasts, TTC, miscarriage and menopause. Something that men’s body will never experience. Of course men are entitled to use this site but why should women have to put up with the men that are making sexist goady comments, which they are a lot of.

Should say this post is influenced by a man who told me to fuck off on this site after I called him out on his sexist behaviour.

I have no issue with men posting who openly say they are men and present issues from the male perspective.

What I resent is posters where you can just tell from their tone and language that they are men commenting on women's issues and you can't challenge them because of course we are all anonymous on here.

It started off as a parenting site but deals with many aspects of life now. I’ve by very grateful for Mumsnet advice on all kinds of topics.

They can’t help themselves though. So fucking tedious

Manspreading.

Can anyone give me a link to one of the numerous site for men and dads which has the scope of MN? Also, linking the header here.

Do you also believe that only tall strong fighting women should be allowed to use Amazon, or only matchstick people should use Tinder?

this is such a hilariously crap attempt at belittling a PP I can’t believe you actually typed it out 💀

Hi OP

Just to clarify, Mumsnet was founded by and for parents. Many of our users are indeed women, but the site isn't exclusive to women. We welcome contributions from anyone who wants to take part in good faith, as long as they follow our Talk Guidelines.

We absolutely understand the importance of having space to discuss issues that disproportionately or uniquely affect women, and we expect all posters to respect that context. If someone is making sexist or goady comments, that’s not on, and it’s something we’d want to take a look at. Please do report this using the report button so that we can take a look.

I find it interesting that

VimesandhisCardboardBoots

gave a very balanced view and you found giving this reply:

So out of the hundreds of pages of information on google you’ve chosen Mumsnet of all places to get your advice? Not specialised websites that deal solely with those specific topics? Interesting.

okay to say, it is by definition passive aggressive. This thread is basically an ‘eff men being here’ thread. You should honestly try and read all the replies and see there’s shades of grey here. The thing that I find UN balances mn more is the inability of posters to see there’s two sides to every story

I’m not bothered about men posting for parenting advice, but it’s the “man here” posts that bug me. Mostly they are patronising AF. That and any posts talking about things like DIY or any other traditionally “male” topic, particularly where they actually have less experience of it than the women who are posting. I’ve had men mansplaining my field of expertise to me and they have been so wrong.

Anyone recall Tristan5?

I bet he’s on this thread (under a different name after we outed him…. In some posts he was having the most incredible sex with his wife, in others she was “dead from the waist down”

“I have no issue with men posting who openly say they are men and present issues from the male perspective.”

“I’m not bothered about men posting for parenting advice, but it’s the “man here” posts that bug me.”

BoredZelda

Sorry I’d just posted hence saw yours pop up, I say I’m Irish, or Irish woman here because I’d have different experiences to a uk person or so later people can’t say ‘but you’re not even from the uk!’ so I’d guess that’s why men do it (I agree some probably are for the reason you posted also of course)

There was a thoughtful convo about porn culture some time ago, and how posters feared for their young DDs.
Immediately a man popped up to inform us of what he finds attractive in a woman, and then he proceeded to call everyone prudes.
Men run the world. Let us have a tiny corner of it. We don't need to have their perspective everywhere we go.

Context is everything.

Basically as long as the men behave like decent people I don't have an issue with them using MN. It's the annoying ones being all condescending towards women I don't like.

Though it's also true that women can equally be annoying.

Yup.

Maybe we should create our own forum that bans men from commenting? 😂 I imagine MN would lose a lot of woman posters and there would be an increase in posts about men complaining about being banned from women’s spaces.

Not keen on males on MN. It's changed the tone and I don't enjoy or relate to MN the way I used to. I thought it used to be a brilliant space, bonkers, wise and brilliant fun and often really useful.

You always detect the men, they bore me to death.

It naturally coincides with the explosion of threads about girls' ultra short school skirts flashing their knickers, at what age little girls should wear bikinis and endlessly discussion such things at great length. Maybe mums who post in good faith on such threads like to be more discerning about discussing their dd's clothing and bodies.

Nice and intelligent men are good company in RL but regarding the subset of men who join a mum discussion forum.... their contributions are a complete waste of my time.

How would you enforce that?

Hi Lily, Can I suggest that you make a men’s health section as it isn’t really inclusive to all the men that are on the site. I mean there is a women’s health section, so why isn’t there a men’s health section? Is there a reason for that?

Urgh just vile. I find that often happens on here when it comes to certain topics.

Probably by ID checks, the same way that WLI use them to make sure that person is genuine. I imagine a few determined men would still get in but I’m sure technology would able to weed out all the sexist goady posts that appear to be written by men.

Anytime you see an OP that's a million words long, it's a man. And after reading a million words you find out that he just wants his wife to fuck him more. Then he finds the sex topic which is vile and I just don't even bother with because it's just men, which is a shame as there are times when I want to ask something but I can't face the topic.

And if you post elsewhere on MN people will think you're a creep or a troll, because frankly it usually is!

MN was definitely set up for women and mothers. They obviously aren't going to say no to extra users though, hence adding the nonsense about not calling it parentsnet "because 'mothering' is something else entirely" or however they phrased it 🤮 Fucking offensive.

I also don't understand why they added a child free section. An infertility section might have made sense but to specifically add a forum where they talk about why they don't want kids is shocking to me. What other forum, other than one designed for mothers would you expect the posters to bend over backwards for people in that way? We must always be ready to make space for someone else. Be kind, shut up, move over. Some of the posts there are genuinely offensive to mothers too, but oh well.

I can't even imagine asking for a sub forum for mothers on a child free by choice website. Can you imagine?!

Years ago there was a male author on here who was pretty personable but when I read one of his books, it was clear he was using women's stories for material. I recognised mine and a friend's. But was that an exclusively male thing? Not really.

Quite honestly, men in general don't really see a problem with glomming onto women's hobbies, interests, or getting into their spaces. They have always been entitled to do so, unthinkingly, and don't really interrogate this for themselves. Bonus points for them if they can irritate some feminists. Those ones are execrable but what can you do? We are practised at ignoring them in real life, and I mostly ignore them here.

And that's women's fault to solve how? Gosh if only the rest of the Internet was dominated by men they could talk to.

I said I understand why genuine fathers use the site, I have no issue with that. So looks like can I can see two sides to a story. Nothing in your post comments about the men that are making these vile comments. So it’s very clear you’re blind to your own bias.