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Original poster

No more two tier weddings solution

239 replies

Pingiop · 27/06/2025 22:09

MN stirs up a wide variety of opinions when it comes to weddings. Recent thread was a poster saying they weren’t going to attend evening invites anymore as they viewed it as a diss.

Not all people invited will be close to the couple and not everyone will invited to the day and night celebrations. People on these threads have suggested that the couple only have the wedding they can afford. Not to have the nice fancy dream wedding they have saved years for but to downgrade the venue so that this D list acquaintances can attend.

So in the solution of only having the wedding you can afford, it can be proposed that all couples only invite their chosen guests to both day and night celebrations, this will of course mean most people who aren’t regarded as close friends and family, so D list acquaintances, will never attend a wedding again unless the couple are rich and can afford to invite everyone. Is this a sensible solution to unreasonable entitled behaviour?

OP posts:
minipie · 27/06/2025 22:13

Yes. I would rather have a smaller wedding than have a two tier wedding. And I’d rather not go to a wedding than just go to the evening do.

Not because it’s a diss (I fully accept I am closer to some people than others, wouldn’t expect a full invite) I just don’t think it’s that fun turning up at an event where half the guests have been there several hours already. Especially if travel is involved.

Doggymummar · 27/06/2025 22:15

Married thrice never had an evening do, I hate them with a passion and would not go to one.

Rhubarbandgooseburycrumble · 27/06/2025 22:16

I’ve never known anyone get pissed off at only being invited to the evening if only an acquaintance/work colleague/not close friend in real life.
Obviously if expensive travel involved you can always decline.

MN is weird and full of entitlement 🤷‍♀️

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Weddings
330ml · 27/06/2025 22:16

We invited everybody that we wanted to. Plus a few our parents wanted to. All day. Then tailored the day to suit our budget. Compromises were made, but not to the guest list, or free bar. We aren’t rich.

CoastalCalm · 27/06/2025 22:17

We had an evening do and everyone invited came and some even stayed overnight - maybe I just have more understanding friends but I wouldn’t ever see an evening only invite as a ‘diss’ unless it was an extremely close friend or family member

Original poster
Pingiop · 27/06/2025 22:22

Rhubarbandgooseburycrumble · 27/06/2025 22:16

I’ve never known anyone get pissed off at only being invited to the evening if only an acquaintance/work colleague/not close friend in real life.
Obviously if expensive travel involved you can always decline.

MN is weird and full of entitlement 🤷‍♀️

You can search and find that thread, as I don’t think I’m allowed to post it on here but some of the comments were wild. Withdrawing from the friendship, it was just an excuse to fill the dance floor and it’s was just grabby - they only wanted a gift.. the couple are selfish and entitled…

OP posts:
angerelle · 27/06/2025 22:29

Our wedding venue was a registry office, so we couldn't fit everyone in anyway - some people asked to come along to wish us well after the ceremony and then came back in the evening, so they can't have been too miffed.

I couldn't have afforded to feed a wedding breakfast to everyone we invited to the evening do, but we had a localish venue, laid on a return bus from the city centre, provided food, beer, wine and soft drinks and said people could bring their own drinks if they wanted, so we did the best we could and people were happy to come.

FunnysInLaJardin · 27/06/2025 22:32

we got married at 4pm and everyone was invited to the whole event. Day and night weddings are awful

GLC789 · 27/06/2025 22:36

We had the wedding of our absolute dreams! No evening do. We sent everyone home at 6pm and had a walk on the beach in jeans and hoodies before crashing out at 8pm at our hotel.

Ive never been a fan of the evening part of a wedding tbh. If I've been there all day already, im tired. If I've only showed up in the evening as that's what I was invited to, im walking into a piss up that's been going on for hours when im completely sober. Horrific.

Im so glad as of this year, everyone important to me is now married. No more weddings to attend 🤣🤣🤣🤣

Edit: forgot to add, never once have i been annoying at only being invited to the evening. If i could make it, I'd go. If i couldn't, I wouldn't and would rsvp respectfully. Never occurred to me that the friend/family member who only invited me to the wedding di anything wrong.

IdiottoGoa · 27/06/2025 22:39

People who get upset at being invited to an evening do confuse me. It’s as though they think the event is somehow a reflection on them as opposed to someone else’s celebration which might not have them at the heart of it.

Of course there are some people who I’m friends with but not close enough to be at the full day, if they’re generous enough to invite me to an evening do, that’s very generous of them and I will gratefully accept and go along for a cheesy disco and glass or two of Prosecco. If you’re offended by that, don’t go, but making it into a personal slight is a bit ‘main character’ energy.

tralalal · 27/06/2025 22:39

I wouldn’t have an evening guest list. Only people I was interested in inviting were proper friends

YellowGrey · 27/06/2025 22:47

But @Pingiop why would it mean most people never attend another wedding? Presumably a person who is on my D list will be on someone else's A list?

TheCurious0range · 27/06/2025 22:54

I love going as an evening guest, for people like work colleagues, I wouldn't be so presumptuous as to assume a close enough relationship to attend the ceremony, but the evening is still fun! Also if I'm being really honest lots of weddings are very very long with a lull in the middle. I'm also up for attending weddings abroad though even without my DC which is a MN absolute no.

Itstwelveoclocksomewhere · 27/06/2025 22:54

I think its quite a slight to be invited to only the evening part of the wedding. If not close enough to attend the wedding ceremony, then why would someone want to go to the bother of dressing up, buying a gift and making the 'party' bigger.

Someone mentioned that work colleagues might not be close enough to attend the ceremony but if a work colleague wasn't a friend, why on earth ask them to attend something so they can see you dance with your family around you.

Have something smaller or have something cheaper and invite only real friends.

IbizaToTheNorfolkBroads · 27/06/2025 23:00

Pingiop · 27/06/2025 22:09

MN stirs up a wide variety of opinions when it comes to weddings. Recent thread was a poster saying they weren’t going to attend evening invites anymore as they viewed it as a diss.

Not all people invited will be close to the couple and not everyone will invited to the day and night celebrations. People on these threads have suggested that the couple only have the wedding they can afford. Not to have the nice fancy dream wedding they have saved years for but to downgrade the venue so that this D list acquaintances can attend.

So in the solution of only having the wedding you can afford, it can be proposed that all couples only invite their chosen guests to both day and night celebrations, this will of course mean most people who aren’t regarded as close friends and family, so D list acquaintances, will never attend a wedding again unless the couple are rich and can afford to invite everyone. Is this a sensible solution to unreasonable entitled behaviour?

This is how weddings used to be! The day/night thing is relatively recent IME - maybe a millenial thing.?

stargirl1701 · 27/06/2025 23:04

No-one minds an evening invite that is local here in Scotland. I wouldn’t travel for one though.

tinyspiny · 27/06/2025 23:09

I wouldn’t go to an evening only invite , it’s nothing about seeing it as a slight it’s just a bit pointless to me as the whole point of a wedding is seeing the actual wedding . We didn’t have an evening do , we had a ceremony , drinks , dinner .

330ml · 27/06/2025 23:11

tinyspiny · 27/06/2025 23:09

I wouldn’t go to an evening only invite , it’s nothing about seeing it as a slight it’s just a bit pointless to me as the whole point of a wedding is seeing the actual wedding . We didn’t have an evening do , we had a ceremony , drinks , dinner .

If seeing the ceremony is all you are interested in, you don’t need an invitation.

Original poster
Pingiop · 27/06/2025 23:14

YellowGrey · 27/06/2025 22:47

But @Pingiop why would it mean most people never attend another wedding? Presumably a person who is on my D list will be on someone else's A list?

You would think that, but most of these comments were from people who said they don’t like to socialise or go to wedding or would step back from the friendship if they were invited to the evening only… so why kick off for? So unless it’s their child getting married I doubt these people have close friends or even much of a social life other than a spouse and will always be the D list friend.

OP posts:
Ponderingwindow · 27/06/2025 23:14

your coworkers or the people from your bridge club don’t need a wedding invitation. It’s fine to just skip them.

when people get to including spouses of close family and friends, and that had come up on these threads, those people should be included with their spouse in the first place.

PreetyinPurple · 27/06/2025 23:16

Evening dos are fine for work colleagues etc. I went to loads in my youth for people DH worked with (big company), they were usually local and we’d go as a big gang. Just an open invite.

Getting an evening invite from the woman who had been my closest friend for the previous 10 years was a kick in the teeth. No longer friends.

Original poster
Pingiop · 27/06/2025 23:16

IbizaToTheNorfolkBroads · 27/06/2025 23:00

This is how weddings used to be! The day/night thing is relatively recent IME - maybe a millenial thing.?

Show quote history

Went to many evening dos in the 80s/90s so these people wouldn't have been millennials. Gen X maybe?

OP posts:
UnintentionalArcher · 27/06/2025 23:17

If I was going to have a wedding with guests, I like the idea of a shorter event with one meal and one set of guests. A 3pm or 4pm start maybe, ceremony, followed by meal, and some snacks later in the evening. I don’t think it’s a slight to be invited only to the evening, unless there’s specific reason to believe that to be the case. Most people just invite those they’re closest to to the ‘day’ and those they are a bit less close to to the ‘night’. Sometimes the decision might be a marginal one depending on how many they can afford to include in the day part. I do agree with person who said there is often a lull in the middle of a wedding, and think they can be overly long. And length must usually add to cost. Weddings can be so expensive and shortening the whole thing could help with costs.

wafflesmgee · 27/06/2025 23:23

I think do what you like, I wouldn’t get offended if I was just an evening guest, I personally think that’s better than no invite and I personally prefer huge but cheap weddings but I don’t get offended either way. I find the expensive but can only afford fifty guest weddings are normally a bit tame and lacking in atmosphere, I quite like that it changes for the evening and there is a different mix of people. People get way too easily offended these days!

ExpertArchFormat · 27/06/2025 23:25

You don't need a bunch of "extras" who are distant friends at your wedding to upgrade it to "dream". A dream wedding has all the people you love and who love you there, if at all possible, and you want to spend the day with them and give them a meal because that's an important part of celebrating. If they aren't that important to you, simply don't invite them. If they are, feed them.

It's weirdly main-character-syndrome of you @Pingiop to say that most people who aren’t regarded as close friends and family, so D list acquaintances, will never attend a wedding again - the people who are D list to you are A List to the people they are close to.