Why is my 22-year-old apprentice colleague so helpful to me when he clearly dislikes people like me?

[AmusedTaupePlayer]

Hi Mumsnet,
I’ve just started a new job and I’m a disabled, non-white queer woman. One of my colleagues—a 22-year-old male apprentice—has taken to going out of his way to help me with tasks and paperwork. On the face of it, that seems kind, but he’s also been openly very vocal about his support for Trump, Reform UK, Andrew Tate and Tristan Tate. He’s told me he “doesn’t care” about refugees, women, disabled people or queers.
I’m baffled. Why would someone who clearly holds such contemptuous views towards my identity go out of their way to support me at work? Is he genuinely separating his personal beliefs from his professional conduct? Is this a sign that he actually respects me more than I think, or is he just playing a strange game?
Has anyone else experienced this kind of behaviour? Any ideas what might be going on in his head, or how I should handle this relationship? Thanks in advance.

How odd. I'm gender critical but it is nothing to do with being against transpeople

You lost me at queer. 🙄

Their views fail to recognise the reality of women’s lived experience is harming women, and all children who are medicalised in pursuit of something they can’t achieve.

You are making a mistake assuming that opinions you don’t agree with are harmful, and those you do agree with are not.

All opinions have positive and negative impacts on those around us. It’s disingenuous to claim otherwise.

Why aren’t you reconsidering your opinion that people who vote reform and Brexit are nasty racist bigots, now you’ve met someone who doesn’t appear to be?

You are blinded by ideology over the evidence of your eyes. This guy appears to be behaving decently. Maybe you’ve misunderstood the views of people like him.

You've told us in extraordinary detail about him and his family, but how old are you?

What does he support you with at work?

She added that being when it was suggested that her stereotype packed post may not be strictly truthful. Unfortunately, she forgot to add a 😉so people are still taking her seriously.

Is it possible that don’t care means has no opinion? Lots of young people don’t vote and I assume it’s because they don’t have an opinion on Brexitbor whatever.

I think he’s being professional. UCL is a uni with lots of international students and the fact that he picked a uni like that suggests that he can compartmentalise his opinions.

No he told me he doesn't care bc after i asked him why he voted trump

Of course he did 😂

Oh ffs you're not even trying now!
He lives up north but he voted in the US election?

he told me he would vote for him if he were american

Does he help you to use full stops and capital letters at work?

What's with the third thread in a row? About this English lad who votes in American elections, has a Brexit loving dad and racist mother.

Newsflash, people have differing political views. They can vote Reform, vote Trump, not like immigrants, vote for Brexit, like football (omg!) and beer, even watch and agree with Tate. You don't have to like it obv, but none of that is illegal. Reform is a mainstream political party, Trump - a legal, democratically elected president of the USA, Brexit was voted on. Tate is a shithead, but supporting him is also not illegal.

Being a non-white, disabled and queer woman doesn't entitle you to any sort of special treatment. He doesn't owe you anything. He's entitled not to like you. He (the made up 22 year old) is doing his job well and is treating his colleagues courteously. That is all that's required. He doesn't owe you 'nice'.

How do u know he doesn't like me

Pardon?

"Queer" was a slur for many many years. You'll find a lot of us older LGB types are not a fan of it.

Aye, right, as they say round here...🙄

On the basis that you are stupid enough to have such a lack of comprehension skills.

No I didn't say that, I said that the LGBTQ+ community doesn't exist as it is a forced construct by the "T" and additional addons.

A lot of LGB do not wish to be part of the TQ+

He might be entitled to hold those opinions, but it is totally inappropriate in a workplace setting to spout forth on his political views, and downright crass and insensitive (not to mention sexist, racist, whatever) to voice his other prejudices. He also seems blithely unaware that what he says could be considered deeply offensive by some of his co-workers.

He's an immature fool, and deserves a major dressing-down from someone senior in the organisation.

hes just bringing his whole self to work surely ? (If he was actually to exist and not a figment of the Op’s imagination)

Maybe he "doesn't care" about women, gay, or disabled people as a class, i.e. he doesn't believe that those political groupings need more rights or equality than they currently have, and does not support initiatives towards that. That doesn't mean that he dislikes people from those groups, nor that he can't see their positive individual qualities.

You’re straight so I don’t think any gay people really care about hetro people’s opinions. I love the word queer as so many other gay people, or should I say queer people.

Just because he has a maths degree it doesn’t mean he is socially aware or emotionally intelligent. Those are completely different skills.

Also he’s your apprentice of course he’s going to help you, he probably believes that you’re not allowed to discriminate against him due to his political beliefs and if he said he doesn’t care then he probably thinks everyone feels the same, so therefore you don’t really care.

It seems really simple to understand and if you think he’s playing a game, in any sense more than sucking up to his boss, you’re probably paranoid.

It’s a question I often put to MN posters who make racist comments - ‘Would you say that to your Muslim/black/Asian/Jewish colleague’s face?’ I usually just get tumbleweed back.

People are also scared of what they don’t understand.

I went to the protest outside outside parliament to support and show love for my trans friends. After the protest I splintered off and ended up sitting outside a pub with my sign for some alone time. A woman asked if she could sit next to me and we had a little chat before she noticed the sign and was at first horrified as she had been against the protest and repeated a lot of 'TW are dangerous' rhetoric. She stayed anyway and we ended up speaking for at least an hour and a half. Both a little more understanding of one another. She even stayed for a bit when my trans friends came to join me and ended up showing some about understanding why we were protesting. People can surprise you.

Two things. As I said, you can call yourself whatever you want to call yourself. And I will call you what you want to be called. The other thing-come back to me when you’ve taken a baseball bat to the head because you were standing with gay friends against “queer bashers”.