Why is my 22-year-old apprentice colleague so helpful to me when he clearly dislikes people like me?

[AmusedTaupePlayer]

Hi Mumsnet,
I’ve just started a new job and I’m a disabled, non-white queer woman. One of my colleagues—a 22-year-old male apprentice—has taken to going out of his way to help me with tasks and paperwork. On the face of it, that seems kind, but he’s also been openly very vocal about his support for Trump, Reform UK, Andrew Tate and Tristan Tate. He’s told me he “doesn’t care” about refugees, women, disabled people or queers.
I’m baffled. Why would someone who clearly holds such contemptuous views towards my identity go out of their way to support me at work? Is he genuinely separating his personal beliefs from his professional conduct? Is this a sign that he actually respects me more than I think, or is he just playing a strange game?
Has anyone else experienced this kind of behaviour? Any ideas what might be going on in his head, or how I should handle this relationship? Thanks in advance.

Maybe he is letting it out by writing every two days about you on some forums.....

People are allowed to have different opinions, beliefs, morals.

This could be good for him. He will see the person behind the label and may change his views. People can dislike a class of people in the abstract yet like them in person, I don't think that's unusual. What's remarkably stupid is telling you his views without thinking it would be offensive to you, he sounds emotionally immature. Sadly many good young people have their minds twisted by what they read online, maybe you will help him see the light.

Yes let people be. Not everyone has to be the same. As long as no work policies are ignored.

To be fair, while I am prepared to use the word if that is someone wishes to be described, it’s not a word I am prepared to use in any other circumstances. As a (straight) veteran of the “queer-bashing” days it is actually triggering for me. But I’m not a fan of reclaiming slurs generally. What others do is up to them…

What are the offensive comments OP has described?

Part of the forced LGBTQ+ community that doesn't really exist.

I thought the OP was just another AI generated pile of shite but the follow up posts seem a bit more human.
The most unbelievable bit is the level 7 apprenticeship

I do think that it’s more common than we realise that people’s professed personal politics aren’t a full reflection of who they are as people.

I’ve witnessed loads of examples - champagne socialists who would be horrified to actually have anything to do with a working class person; a BNP voter who because he was a trade unionist personally went out of his way to help a recently arrived immigrant with their employment situation (she said how kind he’d been to her and her family); active Christians who are workplace bullies; racists collecting baby clothes for a refugee family who moved in to their street…

These are real life examples.

People align themselves to a worldview but that doesn’t always reflect the complexities of human empathy (or lack of it).

I am hugely gender critical, but I would still be nice to a trans person.
I do not want any more undocumented migrants, I would still be nice to a migrant.
I do not like Islam at all as a religion, I am still nice to people who are Muslim.
I do not like the male population, but I am still nice to men.

I've just read your thread about the unfairness of unqualified oiks having a better standard of living than you @AmusedTaupePlayer

You sound like hard work (harder than a first class maths degree from UCL 😁)

It’s interesting isn’t it? I know a few people like that and in a way, it’s comforting that they still have their humanity. Perhaps that’s why the internet can be toxic, because we are all faceless whereas more face to face contact allows different people to connect.

If only OP could do thatinstead of having number of posts about this person... If the person even exists. I am quite doubtful here

I have met a few people who are openly racist but will say apart from ‘John’ and ‘Sandra’ as they’re alright.

I have also worked with many men who are extremely friendly and will do anything to help you but they were in prison for rape, domestic violence or murder of their partners and they have a deep hatred for women.

I know lots of people who have strong views against women/men but are still in a relationship with one.

I know a trump supporter who isn’t racist but I think he simply enjoys the controversy and attention that being a trump supporter gives him.
We live in the UK and he regularly wears MAGA caps or T-shirts with trump on and its attention seeking.

It sounds like this guy may also enjoy the attention that comes from being so controversial.
I bet he disagrees with the covid vaccine etc too.

Oh, it’s not a fake thread is it? It did all seem a bit full on stereotype, but I was prepared to give it the benefit of the doubt….

He is openly supportive of those reform, Tate etc. at work. He also like football and drinking and lives in a rural northern town. his dad is a brexit supporting policeman and his mum keeps on banging on about 'britishness'

I get what you mean

"Dear MN, my boss is a snob who looks down on the working class but gladly accepts all the help I give her. Why does she accept my help when she so clearly dislikes people like me?"

we are peers but ok got it. so if i think about this rationally, i understand that we work with people we don't like for our careers, nothing else.

I think it's a cognitive dissonance. He doesn't like/support disabled/women/refugees/whatever people. Oh but you, you're fine.

It's like racists in a pub mouthing off against whichever group they've chosen to that day and saying "oh but I don't mean you" when pointed out to them that you are part of that group.

It's easy to "other" people when they are not in front of you.

This.

”Rant, rant, rant. What, you? (horrified) No of course I don’t mean you, you’re great”.

You don’t believe gay people exist? 😳

Because seemingly people can’t understand that there’s a world of different between “not caring” and being mean. In so far as, I don’t care about refugees because I don’t do anything to pro actively help them (I vaguely support that we should provide asylum/refuge to those in need, but don’t change my vote on this vague support, nor do I do anything to help refugees). I would equally treat any refugee with dignity and respect and like a human if I interacted with them in day to day life.

A better analogy might be that I’m GC would probably get called a TERF for sharing my views. The other day a trans woman dropped her bag and things fell out, I helped her pick them up. Because I don’t agree with that persons beliefs and ideology, and I would fight tooth and nail to do something they would perceive as eroding their rights doesn’t mean I see trans people as sub human - I still treat all individuals with respect… particularly in a work environment. It’s not that I don’t understand how my politics and views might impact them, it’s just I’m a decent human, as most humans are.

Tbf it’s only one side of this being posted.

but your gc views may harm them and make their lives harder, regardless of whether u help them with other aspects of their life...