Disappointed in son but dh thinks I am overreaction. AIBU?

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Hi Everyone

DS is 26 married and lives with his wife and 1 DC. He found himself a bit short of money recently and asked if we could lend him £600. We agreed that we would and that he would pay us £300 a month, for 2 months. We have a bit in savings so we were able to do this with no impact on us.

My issue is that this was 2 months ago and he hasn't paid anything back yet. He has asked if he can have a "little bit longer" to pay it. I am annoyed and feel that he is taking advantaged of us. DH feels differently and thinks that we should support him and potentially write it off as a gift.

I think that at 26 he needs to be responsible and maintain his end of our agreement! AIBU??

Such hyperbole, dishing out money, parachuting in, OP has not said he keeps doing this so why the dramatics? If I could afford it, if my son was facing some financial difficulty and it wasn’t a habit then why wouldn’t I help and why wouldn’t I gift it to him. Not everything has to be a life lesson, sometimes we can do something just because. I might frame it as his birthday or Christmas present or I might just say I want him to have it. Not everyone’s adult child is entitled or ungrateful, I know mine aren’t.

Parent. Dad is fine with it.

I wouldn't have been happy with "stuff has come up" as a reason in the first place. I do agree that repayment of 300 a month was never foing to be realistic, but I would want to know, in general terms, what "stuff" had come up. It wouldn't be the loss of money so much as being worried about my son and his family. Its the vagueness....secrecy that would be worrying me.

He's got a child. I'd let it go.

Id be disappointed too. He should have said he was struggling and tried to pay some of it off, rather than just ignoring the situation, and you. Offer to take down the monthly payments to £50. I wouldn't write it off. He needs to adult. If he still doesn't pay, you can then offer to write it off, but let him know that he won't be bailed out again.
FWIW - and this is the extreme version - my stepsister did this to my DStep-Mum for many years. She took the piss too many times (she'd borrow money to pay rent - then swan off abroad) My DStep-mum finally had enough and went NC. They haven't spoken for a couple of decades. Don't let it get anywhere near this point. Draw the line now.

Is he generally like this or a one off?

if one off or not often, then you must be incredibly mean spirited to think like this of your own son.

If someone needs to borrow £600 it's unrealistic to think they will have £300 spare the following month to pay back. You should have given a more affordable repayment plan or just said no.

That is not this. At least not based on the OP.

What would Judge Judy say? Never lend money you can't afford to lose. Especially to a relative. If he was hard up enough to ask in the first place then obviously it will be difficult to pay back. Kiss your money goodbye. If you get it back, it's a bonus.

If more people drew a line in the sand like this, the world would be a better place. I'm not referring to the OP's post here, but people need to stop enabling and tolerating scroungers and grifters in general.

I agree that borrowing £600 and repaying £300 a month for 2 months was probably unrealistic, it might have been better to make it £50 a month and perhaps have given him say £100 of it if you can afford to.

Don't lend money you can't afford to lose, especially to family. If you get it back, it's a bonus.