Disappointed in son but dh thinks I am overreaction. AIBU?

[Rachlaroute]

Hi Everyone

DS is 26 married and lives with his wife and 1 DC. He found himself a bit short of money recently and asked if we could lend him £600. We agreed that we would and that he would pay us £300 a month, for 2 months. We have a bit in savings so we were able to do this with no impact on us.

My issue is that this was 2 months ago and he hasn't paid anything back yet. He has asked if he can have a "little bit longer" to pay it. I am annoyed and feel that he is taking advantaged of us. DH feels differently and thinks that we should support him and potentially write it off as a gift.

I think that at 26 he needs to be responsible and maintain his end of our agreement! AIBU??

This ^

I’d be a bit annoyed. Not that he couldn’t pay it back but that he didn’t communicate better. I’m sure he knew £300 a month would be a stretch, and he should have negotiated a better deal. He may be embarrassed though. I borrowed £500 from my step mum when I was 18 to move out and even though she’s an angel I was scared to tell her I was going to take a bit longer to pay it back, but I told her as soon as I had a feeling it would be an issue.

Do not write it off as a gift. This sets a bad precedent. If I was you I’d sit him down and have a stern word, come up with a payment plan together that he can manage and maybe take a look at his finances with him so it doesn’t happen again. That’s what my step mum did with me, and I will say she gave me really good advice and I still follow the budget she helped me make almost 10 years later, just with kids factored in. You must help him get into good financial habits while he is young.

He’s your son. He’s more important than money especially if you could easily afford to help him. Disappointed is a bit harsh. I’d be disappointed if my son was arrested, not if he owed me a few quid. You’re piling more pressure on him by demanding two £300 repayments. Back off. There are bigger things to worry about

@MyKingdomForACat

no. He’s an adult. If he agreed to pay it back he should pay it back. We don’t know anything about OP’s financial situation either.

where is his self respect and dignity? Not to mention his respect for his parent? Oh well, I guess he’ll have to get a loan in future.

Drop the repayment amounts something like £50 month way more manageable

If he had to borrow £600, then paying back £300 per month is very unrealistic. I agree with your dh, as a one off I would gladly give my dc the money. If it were a regular thing that’s entirely different. I don’t want my dc having to scrimp and save the way I had to, so if I can afford to help, I will.

YABU. And, unless there is much more to this story, unkind.

So you asked him to pay you back 300 shortly after loaning him the 600? If he needed to borrow money in the first place, he clearly needs more time to save up pay you back.

I agree with your husband. It's really hard to get ahead at that age and if you can afford to help him out a little, I'm sure it would be massively appreciated.

Honestly? I'd give him double and let him keep it.

That's what I thought!

She said it would have no impact.

Personally I'd have just given it as a gift if he doesn't regularly ask for money.

What do you mean by his self respect and dignity? He did tell them he wouldn’t be able to pay back as quickly as the mother wanted.

Agree with previous posters - if he needed to borrow £600, paying back £300 straight away is going to be quite difficult. Give him more time to pay it in 2 instalments or let him pay a smaller amount over a longer timeframe.

Honestly. If he were asking for money constantly I could understand the 'disappointment' but as a one off? Let him have it. He has far more reason to be disappointed in his tight parents.

I'm sure that OP knew it'd be a stretch as well and should have offered a better deal that would work for both - now he is stressed,OP seems to be resentful and it all could have been avoided.

If he is struggling so much then asking him to pay back £300 a month is ridiculous. If you want him to repay it then £50 a month would have been more reasonable.

Having said that my mum and dad would 100% have gifted me the £600 with probably a bit extra to tide me over. I would definitely do the same for my child.

Good grief. He's 26 and a grown up. If he's old enough to get married and have children he's old enough to stand on his own two feet. No way would I just be dishing out money - but I'd happily enough extend the loan, get him to pay it back in smaller amounts over the next year maybe if you're not desperate for it. But what a load of nonsense about gifting it - it's a loan. We're not doing our adult children any favours by continually parachuting in and saving them from difficulties.

Please don’t let him know you’re disappointed- life is tough enough without having a mother you feel you can no longer turn to when you need help

My son frequently asks to borrow money I just give it to him and never expect it back. Why would I hold onto it so he can have it when I’m dead. He has a young family a partner who has never added to their coffers how could I see him suffer?

'We're not doing our adult children any favours by continually parachuting in and saving them from difficulties.'

There's no mention of 'continually parachuting in'. Her ds obviously needs help, if a parent can afford they should give it happily. If he asks again then impose terms and a repayment plan.

Assuming the son does not have form for financially exploiting his parents (surely that would have been mentioned as a crucial bit of information), then if I could afford it so would I, happily.

Having a tight fisted parent can really affect how you see them when you are in a rare tight spot financially. It can take a lot of courage for an adult to ask their parent for some financial help especially when you know how tight they are. Funny though how money favours from parents to adult kids is seen so negatively but adult kids financially helping their parents is seen as a lovely thing. Parents of adult kids should just keep in mind that favours and helping is not a one way street. You may need your adult child for care, company, Christmas visits whatever. Time is a commodity too!

Where did she say he is stressed? Did I miss a post??

While it’s completely understandable to feel frustrated when someone doesn’t repay a loan on time—especially when clear terms were agreed upon—it may be worth considering the broader context of your son's situation and the dynamics of family support.
At 26, your son is still relatively early in his adult life, especially in today’s economic climate where wages often haven’t kept pace with inflation, housing costs, or the financial demands of starting a family. Raising a child, managing a household, and navigating financial challenges can be overwhelming—particularly if unexpected expenses arise. His request for “a little bit longer” suggests that he may genuinely be struggling rather than willfully avoiding repayment.
Moreover, it’s likely he feels a degree of guilt or embarrassment for not meeting the terms of your agreement. That alone may already be weighing heavily on him. If the loan hasn’t significantly impacted your finances, it might be helpful to frame this not just as a financial transaction but as a moment to show compassion and long-term trust in his character.
Instead of viewing this as him taking advantage, consider that this may be an opportunity to model understanding and open communication. A calm conversation about his current situation, and a revised payment plan based on what’s realistic for him, could preserve the relationship and reaffirm mutual respect. And if it ultimately becomes a gift, you may gain more by showing unconditional support than you lose financially.
In short, encouraging responsibility is important—but so is recognizing that life doesn’t always go to plan. Offering grace now may reinforce trust and gratitude in the long run.

What utter bollocks! He has already told his parents that he needs longer to pay it back and hasn't just left it.

Two x £300 per month installments expected from a son who is clearly struggling and taking a hit to his pride is ridiculous and unrealistic. He probably only agreed to it in the first place because he was in dire straits and also needed to keep his pedantic and tight mother at bay for as long as possible. Now she says she is disappointed in him and thinks he is taking advantage. In turn, he is probably tense now about how to make the repayments.

All of this angst could have been avoided if OP had either agreed to gift the money this time around (it doesn't sound to me like he is a piss taker) and/or agreed a much more reasonable repayment plan, not a penal one.

The most important thing is to understand why he's struggling. It doesn't sound like a temporary glitch so maybe he needs help.You need a chat.