He’s hit me and I don’t know what to do

[ThinkINeedHelp]

I’m crying and I probably won’t make much sense but please try to help me see straight.
Had an awful evening. I know it started as my fault. I was cross as trying to house train two puppies but it’s been a bad day with them today. I was a bit annoyed and swore. I didn’t swear at anyone, it was a case of oh ffs, this is getting ridiculous.

He was angry with me and we argued. It’s eventually ended up with him grabbing my wrists, shoving me against the bedroom wall and then hitting me in the face. My nose hurts, so does my shoulder.

I’m now going to be homeless. I’ve no family, no friends anymore, don’t work and I live in his house. I’m so utterly pathetic.i can’t drive as I’ve had two glasses of wine but come tomorrow I’ll have to leave.
I’ve allowed myself to end up in this position , I’m in my late 50’s and I can’t believe I’ve been so bloody stupid.

@LoisGriffinskitchen no bruises, not surprised as I don’t bruise easily. My shoulder hurts from when he shoved me, no marks on my wrists and my nose is tender but I’ve got freckles and a bit of a tan so can’t see anything

Good for you. Hang tight, you're almost there.

Deciding whether or not to go to the police is not the priority right now. Getting out safe is. Once you are, your next move should be accessing domestic abuse support. You don't have to stay in the refuge if you don't feel it's the right thing to do, but get assigned to someone. That way you have someone to talk to, and the door is open if you need to get away from your hotel. I would share your story with them as soon as possible, and particularly document any injuries. You need to have a record of what he's done here. You don't have to report it right away, but keep any evidence you have.

For the same reason, I wouldn't block his number just yet either. He will most likely send you vile and abusive messages, echoing the things he tells you to your face. Screenshot and save them. Every little helps. Get it all over the next few days. And tell the hotel reception that you've left this man (show them his picture) because he assaulted you. You don't want him to know where you are and your safety will be at risk if he finds out. You can be discreet, but it's vital you let them know, in case Mr Charming makes an appearance and tries to "surprise" you in your room.

When you text him, tell him "I will contact the police if you come near me again." Don't take any chances. Abusers can become incredibly volatile when they lose their grip on a victim. Don't take any chances on what he might do.

Get yourself to your hotel and at least you will be physically safe.
He’s an abuser. If I heard a lady screaming I wouldn’t assume she was being dramatic, nor would the police believe you were a time waster.
He is abusing you because you are there, and because he is getting away with it. He wouldn’t hit you in front of the neighbours would he? No.
Try if you can not to go back.
And you will find a job. One of my friends left a terrible situation last year, she’s actually 67, and she’s just got a job and loves it.
I am a similar age to you and lots of women our age have gaps in their CV, usually due to caring. You can say you were caring for an elderly gentleman if you like. You can leave out the rest.
If you have lived in your village since 1989 you will have friends even if it doesn’t feel like it.
He is 68 now he will only become more cruel with age and you don’t want to be imprisoned with him having to provide care.
Take the first step and do the first night. There are SO many women on here who have done the same. The are wonderful. Lean on them.

He didn’t like the screaming, did he. Because it came close to showing other people what he’s really like. He’s determined to ‘convince’ you that you shouldn’t do it again.

Really thinking of you and hoping he has his shower soon and you’ll be safe and away quickly for a proper restful night at your hotel. Nearly there. Be brave.

How did you book the hotel OP? Does he know your email passwords etc that could help him find you?

Go to a walkin minor injuries or ed and have the damage assessed.

I hope you're ok. lease come back and tell us when your settled. Xx

I’m quite sure that your family and friends will have long worked out that your partner is not quite as pleasant and charming as he tries to portray, even if they don’t know the extent of his nastiness.
There are bound to have been times when they’ve had glimpses of his true character, so probably won’t be the least bit surprised when you tell them that you’ve left him!
Wishing you the very best of luck and sending hugs.
Leave and never look back!

I’m out! Sat in Sainsbury’s car park about to go and get some food and toiletries. He no longer drives so won’t be out looking for me. He doesn’t know my passwords. Once I get to the hotel I’ll be turning my phone off, I can’t face any crap.
I want to say a massive thank you for all your help, I honestly don’t think I’d have done this without you. The kindness of strangers. I’m nervous and scared but I’m hopeful

Well done, OP!

Well done, I've been following this thread, you have been so strong, wishing you a happy, peaceful life.

Well done. Whatever happens, don't go back without a police escort.

Absolutely wonderful OP.... try for a good night's sleep. Then tomorrow phone women's aid. They're the best people to help and advise you. Stay strong. We're all still here for you.

Well done OP. I wish you all the courage you need right now.
Get a new phone number and only tell the people you want to keep. If you are on a contract, it’s just a phone call to request, no charge.
Just creating distance from all those insults will lift your spirits. 💐

Well done! Rooting for you!

Well done, you deserve much better.

Well done, OP! You've been amazing and so strong. This is the first day of the rest of your life. Your update has made my day. 💪🏻💐🍾🍫 xx

Well done.

Can I suggest that you back up everything on your phone ASAP. If he bought it he maybe able to cancel the contract and get it blocked. If you can get a new phone asap.

Good for you! I'm so sorry he did this to you. I hope you get a lot of help and support. You didn't deserve any of this.

All the things he was saying about the police and other people's reactions were just gaslighting and manipulation to get you to stay quiet and protect himself.

Pleased to hear your update.
However, the most dangerous time for a victim of domestic abuse is when they leave the perpetrator. Domestic abuse is about power and control, so when a perpetrator has lost their hold over their victim they often increase the abuse.
Please reconsider reporting him to the Police and/or contacting Women's Aid.

OP you are absolutely AMAZING!!! When I read you'd gotten out, I just gasped so loudly! I'm so happy for you!! You deserve to be happy!!! 😊 💐

Respect! You can do this - you are in charge of your life now, don’t let it scare you!

So pleased you’re out. Get some sleep and take each day one day at a time. Never go back.

Well done. You've done the right thing. Now you have a little space, really consider going to the police about him. They'll accompany you to get anything else you need or want from the house, at the very least.

Glad you’re safe. Where are the puppies now though?