He’s hit me and I don’t know what to do

[ThinkINeedHelp]

I’m crying and I probably won’t make much sense but please try to help me see straight.
Had an awful evening. I know it started as my fault. I was cross as trying to house train two puppies but it’s been a bad day with them today. I was a bit annoyed and swore. I didn’t swear at anyone, it was a case of oh ffs, this is getting ridiculous.

He was angry with me and we argued. It’s eventually ended up with him grabbing my wrists, shoving me against the bedroom wall and then hitting me in the face. My nose hurts, so does my shoulder.

I’m now going to be homeless. I’ve no family, no friends anymore, don’t work and I live in his house. I’m so utterly pathetic.i can’t drive as I’ve had two glasses of wine but come tomorrow I’ll have to leave.
I’ve allowed myself to end up in this position , I’m in my late 50’s and I can’t believe I’ve been so bloody stupid.

Please don’t believe what this man is telling you about yourself. You can do this. Good luck OP I believe in you.x

The first time he leaves the house and you know he's going to be out a couple of hours, get as much together as you can and go to women's aid. Please leave this bastard. You deserve so much more. He'll never change.

OP can you contact the friend who went though something similar and moved away? I think you would find it helpful to talk to someone you know who survived this. This a dangerous situation for you to remain in, not just the physical threat but the damage to your mental health and how you live in the future.

Would your local authority rehouse you as someone made homeless by a violent person?

Morning OP.
I appreciate it’s really tough but take a deep breath and go for it. You’re not safe in that house.
Get a few things together, get yourself out that hell hole, somewhere safe, and call the police. They should then pass you on to Women's aid.
You are not an idiot, don’t listen to him.
The Police will be really kind to you.

This is not okay.

Why did you feel the need to post this? Are you in the camp of people who enjoy kicking someone while they are down?

Unbelievable!

Well he's a manipulative c**t isn't he.

You should have called the police. That way you will get housed quickly. You have to do it. Do you have bruises. Still call the police now. The council will house you and it will be paid for with housing benefits.

Just been reading your posts. Get yourself out as soon as you can, OP. If it's not safe to pack all your things with him around, work out your absolute essentials that you can grab when he next takes the dog for a walk/goes out (financial information, passport, money, phone, charger, something warm to wear) and walk. Not sure what money you've got in your name, but if not much and there's a joint account, take some money out if only for food/a few clothes.

The moment you leave, you'll be starting a new, safe life for yourself. If you end up at a refuge, it's there to help you and you'll be safe. When you're stronger, you can look for a job (your experience isn't that long ago), are free to talk to others you met and in time make friends. You haven't got anything to lose by trying to track down your old friends/stepbrothers.

You are absolutely not pathetic, an idiot. It's him that's done this to you.

Please don't stay - this will not get any better

On the phone OP, if it’s an iPhone you need Settings - Privacy & Security - Safety Check. Emergency Reset will shut down any kind of sharing while the other is more customised. But note the warning that people may notice if you stop sharing.

Android doesn’t have anything as automated, I don’t think. But if you do go to the police they should be able to advise.

Get up and get out whilst he’s out the the dogs. Fling whatever you can into a bag and go. Do you drive? If so just get in the car and go, if not, can you walk to somewhere safe and call a cab? He is vile, abusive, violent shithead and you need to get away from him for your mental and physical health. YOU CAN DO THIS OP. Don’t overthink it, just go.
I was you, decades ago. I legged it in the middle of the night, utterly bloody terrified he would catch me. He didn’t and it’s the best thing I ever did. I never looked back, you won’t either. Get out. Now.

It’s going exactly as I expected. I’m disgusting, all my fault as usual
He says that he wishes I called the police as I’d be done for wasting police time because he says he only slapped me and that I deserved it, my fault he grabbed me etc.
He never ever leaves the house, we’ve a huge garden so the dogs are only ever in there.

In that case OP, leave next time he goes to the toilet, has a shower. Just grab your bag, jacket and pick up shoes and just go. If you're somewhere remove, think about where you can hide close by and make a call for help, a taxi.

@ThinkINeedHelp thats manipulation op not intelligence.
People/professionals see through it op .

@Sunnyside4 thats what I’m thinking. I’m going to try and get a few bits together this morning and hide them. I’ll grab my car keys and go while he’s in the shower later. He won’t go in until this evening though.
He seems a little un nerved as I’m staying calm, refusing to discuss certain things

@ThinkINeedHelp can I say kindly that you posted saying you had been hit and asking what to do ?
There has been loads of advice . Please please take some and act on it .
Make last night the last time he ever hit you .

This is the start of a free future .
It’s not going to be easy . Once you’re at a shelter and safe. You need a new number and please delete his so you’re not tempted .

Please call the police op. They could remove him. I'm assuming your face is marked. You said you screamed so there might be neighbours that heard. Don't let him get away with this

My heart is going out to you. You’ve been very brave and you’re keeping very cool. I think it’s helpful to keep writing out the experiences you’ve had as this will help remind you that it’s not ok. If this happened to a dear friend of yours, what would you advise? You clearly can make friends as there are a whole bunch of us on here caring deeply about what happens to you and willing you to be ok.

The police will take this seriously. Take the photos. Make the recordings. Write out lists of the things he has said. As I always think of Mumsnet advice - keep the receipts. This way you can remind yourself that it is abhorrent behaviour, it cannot be minimised and you deserve better. (And that he should be at least scared of the police or consequences of his actions.)

I’m also worried that he may feel unnerved and take things in a different direction if he feels you’re making plans.

I haven’t been through what you have endured but respectfully would suggest locking yourself in a room (maybe bathroom, with access to water and loo) and calling the police and waiting for them to come. Either collect your things and go while they are talking to him or they should arrest him for assault and you’ll have a bit of time to do things on your own.

It’s not your fault. You are not disgusting. He is.
I have been where you are now and leaving was terrifying but it’s the best thing I ever did.
I left with a bag of stuff and never went back.
I slept on the sofa of somebody I barely knew until I scraped together enough money for a tiny flat, but it was the best thing I ever did.
Years later, I have a happy marriage and I’m just about to move into my dream home. I would never have the things I have now materially or the happiness I have now if I stayed with my ex.
He wishes you’d called the police?
Give him his wish. I can promise you they will not laugh at you.
Do what you need to do for you.
This is your life and you only have so much of it so please, start thinking about yourself only.
Sending you love.
you are far stronger than you give yourself credit for.

No more advice to offer, but have read the thread and it is clear that you are not an idiot, he's made you think you are.

He's kept you away from all your friends and family and made you think it's your fault.

Sending you lots of love and support, please just get away from him asap.

You can and will make a new life for yourself where you can do anything you want without fear of criticism or abuse.

Please please please call the police, they will believe you.

Then while he is gone get all your stuff together, clear out the bank account, your half and go.

You have no family or friends this is actually a positive, because you can go anywhere you want and start fresh xxx

You are none of the things he is saying.

Also, your local library may be able to help you, ours has trained volunteers who can contact refuges etc on your behalf.

It’s going to be the last time @Imbusytodaysorry. I’ve looked at all the information given and I’m honestly digesting it.
He’s calling me an embarrassment for screaming, seriously! I should be hugely embarrassed that I screamed and that the neighbours may have heard. The fact that he did what he did doesn’t seem to count for anything

If you need strength to go through with this, remember that he could literally tip you out of the house at any time for any reason and you would have no rights whatsoever.

Leave him now, you will be stronger every day you are away from him.

He is full of hate.