He’s hit me and I don’t know what to do

[ThinkINeedHelp]

I’m crying and I probably won’t make much sense but please try to help me see straight.
Had an awful evening. I know it started as my fault. I was cross as trying to house train two puppies but it’s been a bad day with them today. I was a bit annoyed and swore. I didn’t swear at anyone, it was a case of oh ffs, this is getting ridiculous.

He was angry with me and we argued. It’s eventually ended up with him grabbing my wrists, shoving me against the bedroom wall and then hitting me in the face. My nose hurts, so does my shoulder.

I’m now going to be homeless. I’ve no family, no friends anymore, don’t work and I live in his house. I’m so utterly pathetic.i can’t drive as I’ve had two glasses of wine but come tomorrow I’ll have to leave.
I’ve allowed myself to end up in this position , I’m in my late 50’s and I can’t believe I’ve been so bloody stupid.

That’s so great to hear, words to live by!

Even the tone of your posts is lighter. Well done. And to your step brother too, who has been brilliant.

It's clear that you see what's important and what's not, a few old photos versus freedom and not engaging. I'm so impressed.

And again, it sounds like a lovely day, and you deserve more like that.

Wooohoooooo loving you last sentence !!!

smashing it OP!!!!!

So thrilled for you OP.
He's blocked! Get the champagne open!!!

You are one amazing lady. What a difference a week makes!!! That was the perfect message to send him. You kept your dignity... Bloody good for you. You need never speak his name again. Your SB is an absolute godsend. And you know you'll always have his support going forward. You're right too, it's only stuff that you left behind. Stuff can easily be replaced. Go grab your new life with both hands. ❤️

What a wonderful update to read, you are an inspiration. Big hugs to you x

Gosh it really is hot because your last post made my eyes all sweaty again.

Honestly, who knew that eyes could sweat?!

Thrilled for you.

The thing is that his brain really will not comprehend why you are not going back. It really wont. Because he has rationalised everything to be completely excusable and reasonable.

The Narcissists Prayer
Dayna Craig

That didn't happen.
And if it did, it wasn't that bad.
And if it was, that's not a big deal.
And if it is, that's not my fault.
And if it was, I didn't mean it.
And if I did, you deserved it.

The arrogance of him to assume he could treat you that way indefinitely and you wouldn’t eventually look for an escape. Well done for your clear communication about that not being the case and on blocking him. Be prepared for him to up his game in terms of his efforts to bring you back under control, as you might find he tries to contact you via other methods (email or contacting your friends etc).

@ThinkINeedHelp

So I’ve sent him a message, told him that
I have decided I’m not going back, said I wish him no ill, I love and miss the dogs but that I want to live my life with happiness not fear.
His number is now blocked

You.Are.FANTASTIC! And you have given me the biggest smile I've had all day.

I want you to know that in future when an OP pops up on MN from someone who has been subjected to abuse and is afraid to leave, yours will be one of the threads people direct them to saying "You can do it too!". So you haven't just freed yourself, you'll be an inspiration to others to do the same.

You’re so brave and should be so proud 😊
just a note on blocking exs number… especially as he has shown he can be violent. Police advice is not to block but to send a final message saying “please don’t contact me again” (or words to that effect) and the muting the conversation.
if his behaviour does escalate to harassment/stalking you have records as the messages are still delivered, and you have the evidence for the police. It is also important for your own safety - if he does message you can check the muted/archived folder (or ask someone else to) when you’re feeling emotionally robust and safe, and if there are any worrying threats you are notified in advance and able to take precautionary measures.

i know this seems extreme, but if he has already hit you several times it’s definitely best to err on the side of caution!

Sounds like another lovely day. It’s so nice to see such a lovely update.
You are doing all the things, that you should off been doing for years.
It lovely that you can stay with your step brother
A really good response to send to the man who treated you so badly. 🌺

Now that you are ' free '

you have your sb, you have a roof over your head, you now have the new neighbours ( new to you, not new to sb ) you have a new job which means more new people in your life.

do you feel up to letting your friends know you are now free:

'The friend I was closest too is on holiday for two weeks with her grown up children and grandchildren'

she should have a week or less of her holiday now ?

and:

'and another who went through similar to me many years ago is now living at the opposite end of the country.'

there is nothing stopping you from visiting her in the future...

Do you think you could phone her, ' nothing ventured, nothing gained ' after all you get in touch with sb and look how this has turned out.
or if you have her address, send her a card / letter ?

You have achieved so much in 6 days !

I have a friend I know is in an abusive relationship (less so than this but still not good). We haven't been close for 15 years but with very intermittent contact - but I know that even if we hadn't spoken in 20 years I'd welcome her with open arms into my home if she ever needed it. Don't underestimate the people who cared about you in the past.

Well done op. You walked away when many are not brave enough. I would take your brothers offer with open arms and save some money up if you can. Then you have the option to move out and build a life for yourself. You were in a vulnerable position housing wise and in your position I wouldn’t want that again. Also if you want to register with the housing association you may be able to bid on properties.

I certainly don’t feel brave but I really appreciate all your kind messages.
Start my new job on Wednesday, I’m concentrating on that now. Long term, I want to buy a little place but small steps

We'll all be thinking of you on Wednesday. I'm sure you'll do great. Best of luck with everything OP. You deserve it.

That update was wonderful to read OP. So proud of you. Good luck on Wednesday. By the way your SB sounds like he really is a gem, so glad you reached out to him.

@ThinkINeedHelp so now please remember to change the beneficiary name on your insurance policy!!

I'm sure that wasn't an easy message to put together and send to him, but well done. You've totally made the break and are free to move forward to live your life in safety and happiness.

Good luck in your new job, hope it goes well!

@ThinkINeedHelp well done!!! Just a thought- do you need to redirect your post via the post office?

OP, I have been thinking about you, but your situation also made me think about how we can thrive, or not for the matter, due to the company we keep.

Some people are such negative aspects in our lives, and never want good for us or help us at all. It can make us negative as well, too scared to speak up, too afraid to go out and do something we want to due to the consequences of that. Old friends who we shyed away from for the sake of an easy life.

Then you get the other kind of person. Like your db. Such a positive person to surround yourself with now. And look what you have been able to achieve in a week. I am not saying you would not have been able to do it without him, I am very sure you can, but the fact you can bounce things off him and get a positive response goes so much further than people even realise.

And as @AcrossthePond55 posted (as always with such wise words), that your journey is going to help countless people in your situation.

@ThinkINeedHelp

You know, often the bravest are those who think they aren't brave at all. Because they are the ones who step out into the 'unknown' with nothing but hope for something better than what they're leaving behind. And that is you to a tee.

Such a great update Op, so happy for you!

Don't feel brave??? You're bloomin' amazing OP!!! And I bet you've helped others who may be in a similar situation to take action!

You are doing brilliantly. I expect your ex is just beginning to wonder where the money is going to come from now - so he's not missing you, he's missing what you could do for him.

Good luck for the first day of your new job tomorrow.