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He’s hit me and I don’t know what to do

719 replies

ThinkINeedHelp · 15/06/2025 23:01

I’m crying and I probably won’t make much sense but please try to help me see straight.
Had an awful evening. I know it started as my fault. I was cross as trying to house train two puppies but it’s been a bad day with them today. I was a bit annoyed and swore. I didn’t swear at anyone, it was a case of oh ffs, this is getting ridiculous.

He was angry with me and we argued. It’s eventually ended up with him grabbing my wrists, shoving me against the bedroom wall and then hitting me in the face. My nose hurts, so does my shoulder.

I’m now going to be homeless. I’ve no family, no friends anymore, don’t work and I live in his house. I’m so utterly pathetic.i can’t drive as I’ve had two glasses of wine but come tomorrow I’ll have to leave.
I’ve allowed myself to end up in this position , I’m in my late 50’s and I can’t believe I’ve been so bloody stupid.

OP posts:
Scooby2024 · 21/06/2025 05:39

Just read the whole thread OP and I have to say I'm so bloody proud of you!!
Im so happy you and your DSB have rekindled and he's putting a roof over your head!
Im so thankful for his neighbour speaking or her boss and so proud of you for getting a job!
Take it day by day or if feeling difficult hour by hour! Be proud of yourself, allow all the emotions to come in and work through them individually. Enjoy your weekend - have a lovely time exploring old childhood haunts xx

Sunnyside4 · 21/06/2025 07:39

Congratulations on the job, OP. Also, hope you have a great day out. Don't know where you are, but you should have a lovely day weatherwise.

I know it's still not easy trying to overcome what's happened, but hopefully you can see it was the right thing to do. Also, you've had an amazing start and an build on a better life from here.

As said, just be careful if doesn't try to lure you back. Not the same kind of relationship, but I was in a bad one many years ago. Eventually picked up the courage to leave. It was hard to avoid him on a day to day basis, and he was all smiles, pleasant and showing positive interest in people/things that had previously been a complete 'no' for him.

LivelyMintViper · 21/06/2025 09:49

Cheering you on!

ThinkINeedHelp · 21/06/2025 16:33

I have blisters on both feet, with my very limited choice of footwear, I opted for a pair of quite new Birkenstocks. Blimey do I know about it!
Got to the beach, slipped on some rocks and I’m now sporting rather large grazes, my knees look like they belong to a four year old.

It has been a beautiful day. We have looked in rock pools, paddled in the sea laughed, so much I struggled to catch my breath, we’ve both cried a little and we’ve sat in a contented silence.

Despite my step brother’s best efforts to teach me , I still can’t skim stones, he nearly came a cropper as I somehow managed to sling it in the opposite direction and it hit him in the chest, fortunately he’s fine.
Ate a picnic, although the black lab that bounced up and decided to crap right in front of us, did take the edge off that.

It has been perfect in many ways, we’ve decided that it’s something we will do again, I wish I could bottle the feelings I had while sitting by the water.

In other news, I received a message late last night with a photo of our dogs and a text saying we miss you.
This morning, a voicemail, telling me that he hopes I’m ok and that he wants me to come home.
I haven’t responded, nothing he does is going to spoil this weekend.

OP posts:
ThinkINeedHelp · 21/06/2025 16:35

@LibbyOTV thanks so much for that, it’s not something I’d ever thought of.

Im sat in the beer garden at the pub we’re staying in, enjoying a cold lager

OP posts:
cloudyblueglass · 21/06/2025 16:39

I’ve been silently lurking..

OP, you’re doing so well.

This latest message - it’s the ‘hoovering’ stage on steroids. Not only us he bring ‘nice’ but he’s throwing in a pile of emotional manipulation just for good measure in the form of helpless animals

it’s an act.

Stay strong

murasaki · 21/06/2025 16:39

Well unfortunate dog crap aside, that sounds like a magical day.

Ignore him, he's trying to be the cheese in the mousetrap right now.

AcrossthePond55 · 21/06/2025 16:39

@ThinkINeedHelp

You are doing so well! And filling your soul with 'good things' to take the place of the bad.

PeggyMitchellsCameo · 21/06/2025 16:41

The description of the black lab 😂
As for the ex, well, he’s gone from ‘me me me’ to a heart-wrenching image of the dogs and a please come home again message.
Come home for what?
So he can hit you again but you can’t make a noise in case the neighbours hear? Do not relent.
What you are enjoying now are first steps to freedom, and I don’t normally use these words, but connecting with your inner child.
Get more grazes.
Get more blisters.

Pashazade · 21/06/2025 16:53

OP that sounds like a great day. But unless there’s something you need from the house then just block him. You don’t owe him anything, do it for your own peace of mind. Oh and Lanacane is great for bits that rub, but I’d probably buy some blister plasters too! 😁

Sunnyside4 · 21/06/2025 17:30

Congratulations on the job, OP. That's a great way to end your day in the pub garden.

I know you won't post forever, but thank you for keeping us updated. You often get people seeking support and never hear the outcome (not criticising anyone if it's not for you though).

CRCGran · 21/06/2025 17:32

Pathetic using the dogs like that. I'm soooo glad you're not responding OP... don't let him draw you in. You're already seeing how things can change so quickly, and how good life can be ..... stay strong and it can only get better. So glad you're having a great weekend. You deserve it.

Flicitytricity · 21/06/2025 17:43

Op please block him.
You are running in adrenaline at the moment, but when that subsides, he will get under your skin again.
Don't give him the opportunity, just block him, please.

I also think it would be great if all of your posts, but no one else's could be put together and pinned on a new section called, ' I did it'.

Goody2ShoesAndTheFilthyBeast · 21/06/2025 17:54

Please please don't fall for his bullshit. Don't walk back into that hell when it took so much for you to get out.

uncomfortablydumb60 · 21/06/2025 18:04

Just catching up as my phone was stolen
WOW You have a job now , bloody fantastic!!
it feels like a whirlwind because it is
you threw all the pieces of your life up in the air and watched them land.. Now you have to put the pieces together for your new life.
You're acing it!!!
Your SB is just who you need to help you visualise your new life.
It's so lovely you are checking out childhood haunts which are giving you the fun and joy you've been denied for so long.
You are Fan bloody Tastic

uncomfortablydumb60 · 21/06/2025 18:07

Consider if there is any of your stuff at the house which would be irreplaceable to you
You can buy new clothes( Vinted if you like)
and things you need easily and cheaply.

Horses7 · 21/06/2025 18:16

Brilliant!! Sooooo pleased for you!
ContInue to not look back! 🥰

Dora56 · 21/06/2025 18:17

I left my husband once, zero contact from him for a week then the messages about how he would change, how he missed me, he was so sorry.

Stupidly I believed him and went back. Was ok for a few weeks then worse than ever before.
Please, please don't fall for it.

Travsmam · 21/06/2025 18:56

Who’s are the puppies out of interest?

LivelyMintViper · 21/06/2025 19:20

"A shame you are missing me. Suggest you throw a cushion against the wall and punch that"

Middlemarch123 · 21/06/2025 19:24

Lab crap is a million times better that the crap he’s been subjecting you to OP.

PeggyMitchellsCameo · 21/06/2025 19:27

Travsmam · 21/06/2025 18:56

Who’s are the puppies out of interest?

The ex brought them into the home as a way of keeping OP there.
She does love them and has reassured us he does, and they will come to no harm.
Shame he never treated OP with the same care….

BrentfordForever · 21/06/2025 20:01

Tbh someone capable of abuse, can do it on anyone and anything . I’ve seen my dad hit my dogs same way he hit my DM

OP cannot guarantee the poor puppies safety , but I appreciate her own safety is priority. Hope when she more stabilised and confident she finds a way out for poor puppies too

Beautifulsunflowers · 22/06/2025 08:33

You are such a strong woman to have got out of that situation and I feel strangely proud of you!
The only way now is onwards. you have a new life waiting for you with so much happiness in it.
And if you were my friend who I hadn’t heard from in ages I’d be delighted to hear from you again and reconnect.

ThinkINeedHelp · 22/06/2025 22:23

Today we went to a tourist spot, sat on a wall and ate fish and chips. I had to buy some flip flops, my feet haven’t forgiven me for yesterday and then we wandered along the sea front.
We people watched, sat on the sand, then this afternoon we went to a cafe that’s been open forever, and I had a banana split.

Another voice mail and texts today, asking when I was planning on going back. I felt like sending a photo of my feet on the sand and saying never. I didn’t.

My step brother showed me a photo he took yesterday afternoon, he said I looked like the old me. He was right, I definitely looked more like me, less tense.

We talked about my plans. My sb, is more than happy for me to stay with him, the difference I feel after these last few days is huge. I can’t see any future with that man now.
Id become so used to his put downs that it really had become just part of my life, mimicking my voice, constantly criticising. I don’t want that to be my normal anymore.

Thinking about my stuff, I’m not sure I want anything, clothes I can replace, I’ve got the documents I needed, pension, life insurance etc as I keep them in a folder, also passport and driving license. All bank stuff is on my phone, plus I have my cards.
Photos, all photos over the last ten years are on my phone, old pictures I suppose I’ll have to do without. Truth is that I can’t remember the last time I looked at them and although it would be nice to have them, is it worth the hassle? Probably not.

So I’ve sent him a message, told him that
I have decided I’m not going back, said I wish him no ill, I love and miss the dogs but that I want to live my life with happiness not fear.
His number is now blocked

OP posts: