He’s hit me and I don’t know what to do

[ThinkINeedHelp]

I’m crying and I probably won’t make much sense but please try to help me see straight.
Had an awful evening. I know it started as my fault. I was cross as trying to house train two puppies but it’s been a bad day with them today. I was a bit annoyed and swore. I didn’t swear at anyone, it was a case of oh ffs, this is getting ridiculous.

He was angry with me and we argued. It’s eventually ended up with him grabbing my wrists, shoving me against the bedroom wall and then hitting me in the face. My nose hurts, so does my shoulder.

I’m now going to be homeless. I’ve no family, no friends anymore, don’t work and I live in his house. I’m so utterly pathetic.i can’t drive as I’ve had two glasses of wine but come tomorrow I’ll have to leave.
I’ve allowed myself to end up in this position , I’m in my late 50’s and I can’t believe I’ve been so bloody stupid.

The absolute cheek of him. I wouldn't give him the satisfaction of getting a response out of you.

Im glad you're doing OK op. What are your plans today?

@ThinkINeedHelp Hopefully you wont reply to your ex! he doesnt deserve to know anything about your life now!

He deserves nothing.
If you reply he’ll see it as a win, forget him and move forward, he’s an unhappy past.
Stay in control and don’t look back.
He’ll likely promise anything but he cannot change, it’s who he is.
Stay strong and create your happier life.

I’m so glad you are safe now OP and have somewhere to stay. I’d reply just to say don’t contact me again, then block.

I wouldn't reply, don't engage with him. Just block.

@ThinkINeedHelp wow what a cheek .
what he deserves .?!
Please please don’t reply he deserves nothing from you .
If you open the lines of communication you may be hoovered back in . Hopeful he will eventually treat you right and has learnt his lesson . You know nothing would change only be worse , right?

The best thing to do would be to say i have left you because of your violence towards me. I won't be back. Do not contact me again.

The reason I say this is the police always say you must tell someone to leave you alone and not contact you again, and then if they carry on it is clear harassment.

I wouldn't engage in ping pong messages, he's not worth it. Have you left the keys at the house and taken what you need. If you do need to go back to collect anything take someone with you, either your stepbrother or ask the police. Then just block him, like ppl suggests it might be good to text not to contact you again then if he tries you call the police. Keep going, you're doing great and you'll be so much happier without him in your life.

Well done on not going back op. Your step brother sounds very nice.
I wouldn't reply to that awful man. Even after you have left he still acts like he is the victim.

I would block him on your phone op. Also have a look on entitled to, as you may be entitled to universal credit. If you have a flat to rent they may pay towards the rent etc. Well fine for leaving I’m glad your brother helped you.

Many congratulations on leaving. Wishing you every possible happiness for getting set up a new. First year is a bit challenging, but after that it's BLOODY MARVELLOUS!

Thanks for all your kindness. No I haven’t replied, i don’t want to speak to him.
Im going for a walk later, a bit of a wander down memory lane if you like.
This afternoon I’m going shopping, I left with some clothes but obviously not loads so I need a few things

Ive also applied for another two jobs

I think you’re amazing @ThinkINeedHelpwhat a woman! I can imagine you’re filled with so many different emotions, but when the shock and fear of the unknown settles, you’ll just feel calm and excited for your new life. Good luck with the jobs, I’m 59 so can fully imagine how daunting that must be. Look after yourself, buy the clothes, get your hair done and just treat you. Thinking of you and cheering you on xxx

Good for you for not responding. It can be very easy to fire off a reply sometimes.

Do you need anything from the house?
If you do, perhaps the best tactic to get what you need from the house, is to send one single message to say you will be accompanied by X (your dsb/police) and will be there at a set time. I know you didn't want to report this, but perhaps the police can just escort you without you having reported it? And then do not get into any discussions. Then once you have your belongings, just block on every form of communication.

I do think asking for a police escort here is going to make it very clear where you stand. And if your dsb goes with you, he will put two and two together as to where you are staying now. The less he knows, the better.

If you have everything and are able to write those belongings off, just block him right away.

Then breathe deep, as you can now. xx

You are amazing OP. Well done.

I think perhaps you need to send one text to firmly state your position OP. It should maybe say something like "I left because of your sustained violence over many years. Do not ever contact me again. Any further attempts to do so will be taken as harassment and reported accordingly". I agree with pp that this clearly states your position and sends a strong message that you won't put up with harassment. But of course it's your decision OP. And that should definitely be the one and only message you ever send. You can thereafter block him and move happily along. Wishing you many more slices of lemon drizzle. ❤️

I agree with those saying send one final stern warning message. Because otherwise he may report you missing and that's one stress you don't need in your life - even if it is just the police doing a wellness check.

That one final message can put the tin lid on your ex relationship.

"surely I deserve better than to be ignored after all these years”

Good grief, he deserves better does he? Don't you deserve better than to be hit and called names? I can't believe how completely unaware and entitled he is - as well as a violet dickhead of course.

Absolutely do not be drawn into any kind of conversation. You owe him absolutely nothing. All he'll do is put pressure on you to go back.

If at any point you really need anything from the house, ask your step brother if he'll go with you.

Glad there are jobs coming up you feel you can apply for. I know it's more of a practical shop, but I hope you enjoy your guilt free trip out.

He’s safe in his own home. OP could be sleeping in her car, for all he knows.
Not one word of concern for her welfare.

Agree with this, one last reply, do not contact me again thank you.

Tell him he doesn't need to know where you are. That you owe him nothing after the way he's abused you. Block him.

OP I won't add to the advice you've already had. But stay strong and please tell your stepbrother I love him for what he's doing for you.

Sometimes silence speaks much louder than words ever can. Besides, what's the point in talking to someone who really isn't interested in what you have to say. IMO all he wants to do is justify himself and blame you to get you back in your box.

Unless there are things there that you desperately need or want, I'd just figure "stuff is stuff, I can always get more stuff". If there are, consult with WA or the police on how best to safely retrieve it.

You're doing great, really you are.