He’s hit me and I don’t know what to do

[ThinkINeedHelp]

I’m crying and I probably won’t make much sense but please try to help me see straight.
Had an awful evening. I know it started as my fault. I was cross as trying to house train two puppies but it’s been a bad day with them today. I was a bit annoyed and swore. I didn’t swear at anyone, it was a case of oh ffs, this is getting ridiculous.

He was angry with me and we argued. It’s eventually ended up with him grabbing my wrists, shoving me against the bedroom wall and then hitting me in the face. My nose hurts, so does my shoulder.

I’m now going to be homeless. I’ve no family, no friends anymore, don’t work and I live in his house. I’m so utterly pathetic.i can’t drive as I’ve had two glasses of wine but come tomorrow I’ll have to leave.
I’ve allowed myself to end up in this position , I’m in my late 50’s and I can’t believe I’ve been so bloody stupid.

I bet he won't be the only one to tell you this. With a bit more time and distance, as you come back to yourself, I think you'll realise just how much your ex has worn you down. I'm so pleased you're free of his shit and have the chance to find that old you again. Best of luck on the road ahead 🌺

You've got this!

Well done! Life starts now.

That's bloody amazing! What a great idea to contact your family. Let us know how you're getting on.

oh Wow! I've teared up reading your update
There you are, a helping hand from your Step brother!
How Amazing! People often step up when you call, well done for contacting him, it's not easy I know.
Sending you love and strength

Just caught up with your thread, so happy you got out safely and you’re in contact with family. I’ve honestly never felt such concern over a stranger on the internet, I’m so glad you are having a fresh start and can begin reclaiming your life back. Take care of yourself op, your one brave and strong lady! ❤️

Had a really good talk with my step brother last night. I’m starting to realise how small my world had actually become.
Seeing his face when I told him that I/we hadn’t been anywhere since before Covid, not even for a coffee.
It just became the norm, I stopped suggesting going out as he always refused, told me that if I wanted to go out it was fine, except it wasn’t. It’s even longer since I’d been anywhere without him, he’d give me the silent treatment before I went, would be awkward in the days leading up, say something negative about how I looked when I was heading out of the door.

Still not heard anything from him.

To those asking about why I left the dogs, he absolutely wouldn’t hurt them, as horrible as he could be to me, he loves them more than anything else.

You should make a list of all the places you’d like to go now you’re free. It might look overwhelming to start with and if that’s the case start small. Take a book and sit in the sun outside a coffee shop or in a park for instance. Then you can work up to the bigger things. Get to your nearest beach, let your feet get wet, brave a dip and eat fish and chips. The world is wide and full of wonder and it’s yours for the taking if you can stay away from this man.

🌟

Can’t believe how brave you have been.
Your step brother - so glad you have a space with him.
You can now start to enjoy life’s little pleasures and rebuild your confidence.

Your last update is pretty shocking. He really did shrink your life down, didn't he?

Oh I'm shocked by how he treated you How sad you must've felt, alone as well
You will fly I promise

OP so happy for you!

if you ever have doubts always have in mind Oprah’s quote : someone that hits you not only doesn’t love you , but he doesn’t even like you!!!

love yourself more than anything !!

sending love xxx

Just wanted to say well done @ThinkINeedHelp
You have been so brave by leaving this disgusting man. Also, contacting your step-brother.

I wish you so much happiness for your future ❤️

You don't have to be under anyone's control now. You're free to come and go and enjoy your life now.

Sounds like your step brother's a good guy.

I had a wtf have I done moment this morning. I’d gone to buy a few kitchen utensils, dsb is a bit lacking. I dawned on me that I’ll be doing a lot of this, I’m starting from scratch and it shook me.
I paid and left the shop quickly, got in my car and had a bit of a cry.
Eventually I decided to drive to the church yard near where I grew up, it might sound a bit morbid but it really is a beautiful place. My sister’s, and grandma’s ashes were scattered in the garden of remembrance there. I stopped to buy some flowers on the way.
Sat and talked to them, listened to the birds singing, had another cry and then walked around the graveyard. I promise I’m not all maudlin, it’s been a beautiful day. Reading the old grave stones and walking around sort of puts things into perspective a bit. It got me thinking of something I’d read earlier, about people who wear a cloak of chaos and drama, they can brush past you leaving a dusting of anxiety, stress and pain. It said do they ever consider what they’ve left you with?
Quite probably this doesn’t make sense to anyone else but it’s resonated with me.

Any how, I left and went to cafe no less! Had coffee and a slice of lemon drizzle cake! Won’t fix everything but I felt quite proud

Well done! One foot in front of the other, freedom is within your grasp. And better days ahead

I used to work at a nice (old) cemetery - nothing morbid or maudlin about visiting one, talking to your relatives, and/or a bit of reflection. It's what most of the visitors come to do - funeral attendees are a minority. We were really used to it as staff, part-time therapeutic chat was part of the job! So do please feel free to go back there whenever you need it (well, probably sunrise to sunset!).

OP, reading this update tells me you're going to be just fine. There will be these very mixed emotions, and ups and downs for a while, but you've proven that you can get thru it. You are a much stronger woman than you know. One day at a time, and a year from now you'll have a very different and much much better life. Sending huge hugs. You are amazing.

It got me thinking of something I’d read earlier, about people who wear a cloak of chaos and drama, they can brush past you leaving a dusting of anxiety, stress and pain. It said do they ever consider what they’ve left you with?
Quite probably this doesn’t make sense to anyone else but it’s resonated with me.

I think the antedote to this is to spend more time with those who leave a dusting of kindness, warmth and sunshine.

I'm so glad that you have left, I'm sure things must feel very strange right now, but I've no doubt that you will flourish and thrive. You have every reason to feel proud @ThinkINeedHelp .

I hope you make a list of places to go and simple things to do (like enjoying a coffee with a slice of lemon drizzle cake) now that you have the freedom to enjoy them.

I totally understand your words.
This man you’ve lived it is at best ill, at words absolutely bloody deranged.
He has had you living in a prison.
He was clearly horrible to/about your family and today, in a way, you got to visit and honour them.
I am a similar age to you, and you do contemplate your own mortality. And my friends says, Peggy, we have to make every day count now.
And we all do.
So glad your step brother has welcomed you, but also remember you aren’t his housekeeper either. You have a safe space, you can pay your way and contribute, but remember that you must come first now. (Hope you don’t mind me saying that!)

Barely ever comment on here but I felt I had to for this one. OP, I'm amazed at your strength. You should be so proud of yourself. Looking back you will see this as the fresh start you deserve.

I recommend getting yourself into therapy if you can, contact your GP to get advice on that if you need to. I'm sure you'll have a lot to unpick over the next few months and years but well done for making the first step and getting out. You deserve much more than that life!

Hey, I had to go to my local council (but not my local council, a town over from me) and declare homelessness due to DV. It's hard but can be done. Are you ok lovely?

OP, you are very brave and will come back to yourself within the fullness of time.

Abusive men either don't know, don't acknowledge, don't care or most likely are in denial - deep denial - about the damage they cause.

I'm three years away from my Abusive ex H.

He gave me a black eye, broke two bones in my little finger, a bruise on my chest, two bruises on my shin, two cuts on my face and yes, oh - herpes.

PTSD and depression. I struggle with alcohol.

But, I have survived. And so will you. I'm 61. Married for the first time at 50.

I'm recovering. With the support of your brother and your obvious inner strength you will be okay xx

I understand what you mean about crying
Let them come as you let go of the past
There's no shame in crying, it's cathartic
You should feel so very proud, look how bloody far you've come!

I spent yesterday evening sat outside with my step brother, we talked about how our lives have worked out, we laughed at things we did as kids, and how our adult lives are different from what we thought they’d be.

I woke to see two texts from my ex.
One asked where I was and then about an hour later, the other asked “ aren’t you going to speak, surely I deserve better than to be ignored after all these years”