When your parent died, how soon did you go back to work?

[PersephoneParlormaid]

I’ve recently had to go sick from work to nurse my DF in his last weeks of life, and it’s been traumatic. Still got funeral etc to organise.
Part of me wants to get back to normal, but part of me doesn’t want to go back too soon and potentially end up off again. How long were you off?

A week after mum died, but my dad did all the funeral arrangements. If i’d been in his position I’d have taken much longer off. My work’s official position was two days for a close relative but they were very understanding and generous which sadly many aren’t.

I’m sorry for your loss.

I'm sorry for your loss. I hope that, in time, the fact that you were able to be there for your dad right at the end will come to feel less traumatic (which I'm sure it was -please give yourself time to process this gently) and that you will be able to find comfort in knowing how much it would have meant to him. Care by a loved one at the end of life is precious.

I went back after 6 working days. It sort of felt like enough time off and also not. A lot of the related administration took longer than expected and it would have been good to have had more time off for that but my work is stressful and demanding and it was already asking a lot of my colleagues to cover.

Babysteps, OP.

3 days. That was the bereavement leave.

I was back at school 24 hours later.

Work wise, my current employer offers a week off, but previous ones have offered two or three days.

Mum 4 days, Dad 2 days.
That was the bereavement leave.
I don't know what your workplace is like, but talk to your employer.

I took a week (3 days as I was P/T). My Dad and I were so close and his death was awful but felt I needed to return to my usual routine asap. If I didn’t, I thought I may never go back and, having had severe depression previously, I was worried my MH would also suffer.

I’m so sorry for your loss.

A week for me too (mum died on the Monday and I was back the following Monday)

I WFH though which made it so much easier. There is no way I could have faced anyone. I also got a few days - paid leave - for her funeral which was very kind.

It was a very sudden and unexpected death and looking back I don't know how I coped but normality helped a lot.

1 month, part compassionate leave of 3 days, the rest as sickness, with no expectation of providing a fit note. Just a huge bunch of flowers and open communication with my line manager when I was ready. It absolutely kicked my arse, losing mum. I shut down for a couple of weeks and wasn't capable of anything.

Gosh a lot of people here were back to work very quickly after their parents deaths, which maybe what they needed or may be because of their working conditions. Just to add a different voice to the mix though OP (for context this isn't me as haven't lost my parents yet) bur the service I manage has lots of older staff so we've had a run recently of staff I manage having their parents pass away and all of them have had at least 2-3 weeks off not coming back until after the funeral and a couple have needed longer, more like 2 months. Bereavement leave is at mangers discretion to some extent so we will typically give up to a week for loss of parent and they will then be signed off sick for a period - we are in privileged position in local authority that they will like receive full pay during that sickness and know not everyone is in that position. Honestly only you will know how you feel after your DF dies and you should listen to yourself and follow what you need rather than worrying about what you should do.

My mum died on the Wednesday and I was back at work the following Monday for a couple of days before being off for a couple of days for her funeral. She died very unexpectedly from pancreatic cancer after being misdiagnosed for 1.5 years and I was in complete shock. Returning to work so soon was a huge mistake and it took me a long time to process everything.

I took 3 weeks off when dad died but we had a lot to sort out with the police and coroner dues to the circumstances of his death, and then had to start tying up the estate.

2 days to finish my old job. Then 10 days of annual leave and started a new job the day after the funeral.
Would not recommend it.

The following day. This was 1984 and I worked for a big retail company as a manager.

Three days after my dad died (he died in a Sunday and I had Mon-Wed off), two days after mum died (she died on a Friday and I had the following Mon-Tuesday off). Plus a day off for each funeral.

I was the one organising both funerals so it was a tough time 😢

9 weeks when my Dad died two years ago. Work gave me a weeks compassionate leave and then I went off sick for 8 weeks. Dad died a horrid sudden death without us there and I felt like I had been hit by a car and was in shock for some time, no way could I have gone back to work sooner (NHS Nurse). My Mum and Brother went back to work the week after as they felt they wanted the distraction. I think you have to just do what is best for you if you can afford to be off.

I wasn’t working when my dad died. But with my mum I had five days compassionate leave. We had to wait six weeks for the funeral, so had more time off then tacked in to annual leave.

A month, after her funeral, and even that was too soon, I was 24, she died suddenly at 52.

Three weeks. Employer's policy was two weeks but owing to the circumstances surrounding my dad's death, my manager asked for more which was authorised and I'm incredibly grateful. In hindsight, I probably should have taken longer. It's a strange time between the death and funeral then once it was over, I didn't really know what to do with myself so felt like I ought to return. I don't think there's any right answer. Having something to focus on can do a world of good for some people but it's not for everyone.

10days he died on a Wednesday, the funeral was the next week and I was back at work the following week.

Being honest i was in a daze my first week back but that could easily have been the case regardless of how long I took off.
Many people need to get back or they don't get paid particularly people who are hourly paid rather than salaried.

My DF died on a Thursday and I was back at work the following Monday. I wasn't working when my DM died, but would have gone back in a similar time frame.

I'm not in the UK and have never heard of people taking so long off after the death of a parent. A week would probably be the most.

I'm not in the UK and have never heard of people taking so long off after the death of a parent.

Luckily here in the UK people mostly take off the time that they feel they need to. Losing a parent is a massive life changing event, often made far more traumatic in the way that they died. No medals given for going back sooner than needed.

I think the difference here is that I’m NOK, so I’ve got everything to organise. Plus, the 24 hour caring I’ve had to do, and all the organising makes me feel like I’ve been hit by a bus. I know that I don’t feel like myself.
Plus I’ve been warned that it might be July before the funeral can happen.
Ive got another 4 weeks off sick, so I’ll see how I’m feeling towards the end of that.

There's no need to make digs at each other. Everyone is different and people grieve differently.

A few days after Dad died, but also the full 2 1/2 weeks he was at home on end of life care plus funeral day. I was told to take as much time as I needed though, it was my choice to go back as it did me more good to be at work than at home.

I took 6 weeks, my mum died very unexpectedly and I have a job where I need to be “on it” all the time. That was two weeks compassionate leave and 4 weeks sick leave. Take the time you need and you are able to, you don’t need to explain why this loss has hit you hard or justify what you need.