When your parent died, how soon did you go back to work?

[PersephoneParlormaid]

I’ve recently had to go sick from work to nurse my DF in his last weeks of life, and it’s been traumatic. Still got funeral etc to organise.
Part of me wants to get back to normal, but part of me doesn’t want to go back too soon and potentially end up off again. How long were you off?

I’ve not lost a parent but from people I know who have the times vary wildly.
From a day or two plus another for the funeral to 6 months sick leave.
Sorry for your loss OP, you’ve also been caring for your dad which is exhausting let alone the emotional rollercoaster - take the time you feel you need, don’t compare your grief to anyone else’s - it’s not helpful. We all respond and react to things differently 💐

DF died unexpectedly Tuesday night, I was in work on Wednesday morning. My clients kick off if they don’t hear from me so I didn’t feel I had a choice.

I had a week of leave whilst Mum was on end of life care as we stayed at the hospital with her, she passed away last Tuesday morning and I went back to work yesterday, the funeral won’t be until the end of the month but I can take the funeral and the next couple of days as compassionate leave also
I think for me it was about wanting to get back to some sort of normality but I WFH so it’s a bit easier, I don’t know if I would have gone back so soon if I had to go into the office

When mum died I was off for almost three weeks.
When dad died I was off for almost four weeks, he passed away on the run up to christmas so some of that was public holidays.
Work were very good and I definitely needed the time.
In NI so funerals were 2 and 3 days later, I find it hard to comprehend that funerals in England/Scotland typically take 2/3 weeks and more especially for those who have to return to work between the death and funeral.
Here it is a busy time when death occurs with making arrangements, family and friends calling etc and we all found comfort in that. The real greiving process begins after the funeral, so I was so very grateful for the time off afterwards.

So sorry OP. Take the sick leave. You are unwell at the moment if you have just nursed a parent to their death. Sending strength x

I agree with a PP, it makes no difference what others have done you need to do what is right for you OP. I am so sorry

There's a world of difference between losing the first parent (with the remaining parent being the one dealing with the funeral etc) and losing the second (when the funeral, their home and belongings and the legal and financial stuff becomes your responsibility).

I'm retired, thank goodness, but many many times while managing my mum's affairs, I wondered how on earth I could have done it all if I was still working.

I took a month off afterwards but I'm on a relief contract so had no set hours. I'm very sorry for your loss do whatever helps you get through this difficult time.

When DH’s mum died he was back at work the following day - self-employed so not much choice in the matter.

I’m so sorry for your loss.

My dad died in the summer holidays so I went back 2 weeks after his funeral.

I didn’t take any time off when DF died. It happened at a weekend and I carried on as normal from the Monday.

The question should really be how long did you have off when someone very close to you passed away. For many people that won’t necessarily mean parents.

If my DH or DS passed away it would be a very different situation for me compared with parents passing away.

2 weeks off after Dad. I think some of that was annual leave though. I did much of the organisation of funeral, registering death, closing bank accounts. I wasn't working when Mum died.

4 working days but I’d already had 2 weeks compassionate leave with him at the end of life so felt under pressure to go back. It was too early, I actually ended up leaving the job as I never managed to disaggregate the emotional processing from being at work in that period. Please take as long as you need

I had a month off . I was lucky my work were very kind.

When my father died it was years and years ago, I'd just had a major operation and still couldn't walk well, but I was off anyway. I was determined I would walk down the church behind the coffin (and I did) without aid, even though I shouldn't have done so.

Many years later my mother died. I was working in a residential school at the time so no time off work at all except to attend the funeral itself. My sister and I were POA and organised everything between us, I gave the eulogy at the funeral. Went straight back to work.

A couple of days after I’d sorted the funeral and cleared my parents house of his clothes then went back, day off for the funeral then I booked the next day holiday. So time off just to get the practicalities done that I couldn’t have done at work.

we weren’t close at all and my mother very much expected me to sort everything and not be upset as she didn’t like him so it didn’t occur to me that I was still grieving and should take time for myself. I held it all together and then cried in bed at night. Stupid really.

That’s a really good point.

He died on a bank holiday. I absolutely wasn't needed to help make arrangements. It was best if I left it to others. I had input into the hymns for the funeral but that didn't take long. I don't think I had any annual leave tacked on to the bank holiday but if I had it wasn't more than a day or two. So I went back to work. He was a good age. I had been with him when he died. I had lived through family bereavements earlier in my life, which had much more effect on my daily life, and he wasn't unusually young. My employers would have let me have time if I'd wanted. Obviously I had time off for the funeral.

Must be nice. In a job where if you don’t work you don’t get paid, I imagine most people can’t afford more than one or two days off.

A week after my father died,we weren't terribly close and he had a wife to do the arrangements. With my DM who was my best friend, I never returned to my job! I worked in the hospital where she was dying, because of her GP doing absolutely nothing,no tests, she was only 64, luckily I was temporary workforce, I gave my notice and left! I had to arrange her funeral and everything else. My late father was useless and Im an only child. I am sorry for your loss 🌹

When DM died, my employer offered two days compassionate leave, one to 'maje arrangements ' and the day of the funeral, so I went sick and was off for a month. No.issue from the GP, who offered me the month off the blocks.

I had had no time off when my DF died and only two days when my VDFIL died and had been present rather than productive at work. Twenty years later I was not as resilient

My dad died 16yrs ago. I had 2 weeks off, which also covered the funeral - there seems to be a lot longer gap between someone dying and their funeral these days.
I am an only child, and did a big part of the admin and organising.
My mum has everything organised, all her paperwork/accounts/funeral plan all in a box, wanting to make sure everything is in one place. Currently I work part time for a hospice, so not sure how that will affect how I feel when my mum dies

10 working days. I was already on a week’s leave when he died unexpectedly then three days bereavement leave as I was arranging the funeral and dealing with the coroner etc. My manager very kindly changed it all to bereavement leave.

I worked on a ward when mum died. I was already on two weeks leave so i took a week bereavement and a week sick. We had to deal with all arrangements. Funeral was delayed. I went back after the funeral.
I work in a therapeutic role and can’t support patients while grieving so when my dad passes i’d imagine it will be a similar time frame. Me and my siblings will have to deal with all arrangements again.

Yes we are lucky to have sick pay/paid leave in some places but i couldn’t do my job properly in the midst of earlygrieving I’d still have to have time off unpaid if i didn’t get paid.

5 weeks. It was very sudden and hbd texted when my df died. He lived a long way away from me. 1 sibling and I sorted everything. I went back to work a week after his funeral which was still tough but if I’d not done it then I don’t know when I would.

My dm had died when I was still at school, during school holidays. I just went back as normal.