When your parent died, how soon did you go back to work?

[PersephoneParlormaid]

I’ve recently had to go sick from work to nurse my DF in his last weeks of life, and it’s been traumatic. Still got funeral etc to organise.
Part of me wants to get back to normal, but part of me doesn’t want to go back too soon and potentially end up off again. How long were you off?

I was working when I got the call to say my Dad died. I was working from home. For some reason I carried on working for the next hour or so. Then I logged off and took the rest of the day off.

Back at my desk the next day. Then I had 3 days off for funeral (only because it was a long way away and we had to stop overnight).

Was back at work the day after we got back.

I think the official amount is 3 days at my work.

Two weeks after DM suddenly passed. It basically covered the time from her passing until after her funeral.

The company I worked for at the time were great, their official line was 5 days but I was able to take 10. I mostly worked remotely but they told me it would have been fine if I needed a bit of time to step away from work during the day when I did get back to it.

It was a welcome distraction to be back at work, but it did affect me for months. I spoke to one person at DM's funeral who said they needed six months off work after their DF had passed. I thought that was excessive at the time she told me but I was speaking to a counselor six months down the line to try and help with depression. I didn't need any additional time off but it does affect everyone differently.

It’s so sad that the majority of places only offer so little. My mum died just before covid when I had returned from an overseas job. Covid meant getting a new job was limited and I was able to stay with my dad (who was furloughed) so very little outgoings which luckily meant I took several months before looking for a new job. There’s not a chance I’d have been able to start work again after a couple days. But my mum died fairly unexpectedly and young in her 50’s. I’d maybe feel a bit differently if she was very elderly and it was expected.

Sorry for your loss, everyone is different, I found I coped better working, although I did have my moments where I would just rush to the toilet if I became upset. So many things trigger your bereavement, something on tv, going shopping, I nearly just left a whole trolley full of food in supermarket, as I picked up something my parents would like, so again it hit me in no time. My children helped with having to look after them as normal.

A few weeks. Took sick leave.

A week.
Died on 5th of a month, buried on 10th of month, Back at work on 13th of month after an 8 hours drive on 12th of that month

2 weeks off as on end of life care and looked after him.
I had to do all the arrangements for funeral etc and took a week after he died too my work were very generous with leave thankfully. But because I did all the admin I didn't really grieve properly and went back to work for 2 days and then broke down and had to be signed off for two weeks when it all finally hit me.

Just the day of the funeral when my mum died. 3 days with my dad because I was doing all of the flowers, so needed 2 days prior.

2 days.
I had 5 days compassionate leave, but needed 3 for the funeral. ( Charity sector role)

I went back the day after the funeral. I'd been my parent's carer (changing adult nappies, showering, feeding etc) for eleven years. I resuscitate people for a living, including children, and when I fail I have to face their families. I would describe that as a job that is quite 'on'. I guess I win the stress olympics some seem to be entering.

Luckily who suffers the most is not an actual competition, and not one you'd want to win if it were.

I know people who took months off when their parent died and I wish I'd done the same.

Take as much time as you can get. Really push it. Take time for yourself.

The day after. I needed work to take my mind off it.

I had a second day off for her funeral.

I don't remember with Dad. I do remember thst a few weeks afterwards, my manager took me aside and gently said I was not performing and I needed to get help or he would have to start disciplinary action, and he really didn't want to or think it would help. I thought I'd been doing okay, as I'd turned up to work every day.

With Mum, different company, officially 3 days compassionate leave, which is nowhere near enough when you're meant to be executing the will and everything. Went to GP as I wasn't sleeping , and I got Zopiclone and signed off for 3 weeks. I was also allowed to work from Mum's home while we sorted everything and cleared the house, so I didn't have to do so much travelling.

After the funeral (3 weeks)

I had 2 days compassionate leave and 8 days sick leave after my dad died. It was just a label for what I needed and nobody cared what it was called including me. My dh died the previous year and I'd had 2 months sick leave then. I wasn't safe to practice so I was off. Im lucky that I get paid due to unions.

Gosh I thought the norm was 2 weeks off. I'm sure that's what my compassionate leave Is for a parents death.

Shock can feel like wading through treacle. I suppose it may depend what you do for work if its helpful to have a distraction.

I had a week sick leave and was then signed off for four weeks. I'd already booked two weeks annual leave which fell in line with this so all in, I was off seven weeks.

My dad's death was quite unexpected and my mum fell apart and we had to be there so sort funeral arrangements, etc. My work were amazing, absolutely no expectation to be back in the office at that stage, just lovely messages and flowers.

Work gives 2 weeks but I have a very understanding manager who extended it to 3 because I had to travel a lot to sort things out.

I think I was ready to go back to work after that time. It gave me time to do the practical stuff but also some time to just be.

After a month or so of being back at work I had to take annual leave to sort out the house etc.

Everyone's experience is different. Whether someone took 2 days or 2 months, it doesn't matter. Depending on your job, could you book the full amount and go back early if you feel up to it? Then that takes the pressure off you.

Also, if you need to, take full advantage of any employee support you may have.

I hope you get what you need. Sending hugs. X

Dad died on the Sunday night and I was back to work on the Monday morning, but I lived abroad and felt the need to be around people rather than at home worrying about not being with my family, and he died at Christmas so I was at work a day and a half and we were into the Christmas holiday which was a week off.

When my mum died, I went to school the next day. I was only 15 and wanted normality. When my dad died, I took a week off. That was normal then-I see people taking months off and I don’t think it helps them tbh.

Must be nice. In a job where if you don’t work you don’t get paid, I imagine most people can’t afford more than one or two days off.

No need to be sarcastic on a thread like this. Some people are fortunate to get more time than others, I am sure we all recognise that.

I gave up my teaching job to nurse my Mum with my sisters in what I thought would be her last 5-6 months. All she got was 6 1/2 weeks. I got a new job about 3 months later after dealing with funeral and clearing Mum's house along with my sister's. I could have gone back to my old job because once I told colleagues Mum had died Head rang me and asked me to come back but I didn't feel ready to go back immediately and I thought I needed a change.

This. I don't think what other people did is relevant, although I get that this may be how you want to open a conversation about how you are feeling. I am sorry for your loss and hope you will be able to take the time you need.

I was working completely from home the week DM died (and had been for a short while as she had been unwell) and carried on working initially, but just doing what I had to - there were a couple of meetings it was just easier for me to attend than delegate.

This also allowed time for the medical examiner/GP to certify the death. The next week I took off as compassionate leave and registered the death, organised the funeral and did all the bank/pensions admin.

The following week I was back in the office for three days, keen to get out of the house and think about something else. I am taking more time off for the funeral though.

It could be entirely different for someone younger and not an expected death though.

My work gives two weeks for a close relative, which I recently took when my children’s father died in traumatic circumstances.

Its 30 years since my dad died but if I lost my lovely mum I’d take the same.

I am in the UK and I had 2 days plus 2 for each funeral of Brother, Mum, Dad.