Most batshit thing you did with your PFB

[Eastie77Returns]

Chatting to friends today about the funniest/craziest/omg what was I thinking things we did with our firstborn DC.

When DD was a few months old she fell out of a small ‘smart’ baby swing that gently rocked her and played music. It was a very small fall onto carpeted floor and she didn’t even cry. I screamed in panic and took her to A&E. But before leaving I took a video of the smart swing so the doctors could see exactly how it rotated and I measured the distance from the floor to the rocker so they had that crucially important information as well. At the hospital I think I asked more than once if she needed a brain scan and huffed and puffed when the nurse gently said no😭 No-one was interested in watching the video either!

When she was 5 I Made my daughter rewrite words she had written in school because I knew she could do better hand writing. Stapled it to the page to show the teacher what she had accepted wasn’t good enough
still cringe when I think about it

Rushed home from wherever we were to ensure he was in bed the same time every night with the same bedtime routine!

Tbf he has always been a good sleeper and as a teen he appreciates that i prioritised sleep as he now does too (mostly!)

So not first but third child was born very poorly, in hospital for months, heart surgery, collapsed lung etc.
Discharged with a feeding tube and regimented feeding schedule. I used to syringe up her spit up to measure it so i knew how much to adjust her daily calories by.

Was another year before i returned to work (for the army) and some of the guys saw i had ptsd from the birth.

7 years on i laugh at how mental that was. Absolutely crazy!

Dyed mashed potatoes blue to match Thomas the Tank Engine.

He went through a not hungry phase aged 2 ish, and I overreacted massively. I dyed everything I could blue. He ate it all (the power of product placement) and grew into a healthy 6 foot adult.

Sooo many.
Took twin 2 to a&e (on advice from 111 to be fair) when he was about a year old because he would not stop crying for hours and kept grabbing around his nappy area. Took his nappy off thinking maybe he is uncomfortable and saw his testicles had gone/ascended back into his abdomen somehow?! My immediate and irrational thought was “oh Christ, what if he’s got some sort of testicular torsion?”
Dr very kindly explained that when little boy babies are crying their testicles do ascend a bit, and then they drop back to a normal position when the baby is relaxed. But God knows what they must have thought about this crazy mum who was distraught about her baby’s “missing” testicles 🤣
Never did work out what the hours and hours of crying was all about.

I was also an Anna Kramer follower but was both over anxious and stupid. I thought I needed to buy dozens of ice cube trays to prepare and freeze all the various puréed veg. Until someone explained to me that you could take the frozen cubes out of the trays and put them in a plastic bag. Doh!
I honestly thought my first born daughter would be disadvantaged for life if she ate any processed baby food - my mother in law kept trying to give her baby rusks and I behaved like it was crack.

My fav of these is a post from years (maybe decades) ago when a poster said that she was out with DC and someone said your baby should always have one more layer on than you do so in a panic she took off her own coat so she had less on than the baby 😂

sorry I missed this when scrolling-yep this is the one I meant 😂

We used to tag team for week on end, one of us would sleep while the other was awake and watching the newborn. I remember having the next to me on one side of the bed and every 4 hours we’d wake up the other one and say time to swap. We’d swap sides of the bed so one of us sat watching 2 week old newborn while the other slept.
We’d also write down like 2pm 4oz bottle, wet nappy, no poop for every bottle or nappy change. We would update a shared notes page so that we could see where we was up to. I remember being in a panic because the baby was crying for his bottle 15 minutes before schedule and being so confused as to why he was crying, as if he may not have just got a bit peckish earlier then my schedule allowed.

We had a script, literally written out and taped to the wall, that anyone putting our DD to bed had to say before they put her down 😂

We made sure one of us was in the room at all times when our DD1 was asleep, for the first 6 months of her life. I'm sure that was the NHS advice as it's supposed to lower the risk of cot death, but other people thought we were being ridiculous! Does anyone know what the official advice is? I'm keen to know if we were being sensible or insane!!

Like other people have done here, I used to give my mum very specific instructions on how much milk, when to feed, what clothes to wear, I'd leave all the clothes ready..she'd just smile and say 'ok darling.' The fact that she'd raised two children herself seemed to have passed me by...🤣

Peel blueberries and grapes

Most of these. My sister still peels and quarters grapes for her 5 yo one and only. I used to weigh pfb every day when he was a baby and made a chart over his weight which I would obsess over. Sometimes I would weigh him twice a day and go to different health centres so they wouldn’t think I was mentally ill (which I clearly was). Thought he had died every time he slept more than 2 hours in a row at night.

Our FBC was like two weeks young when we left for a holiday at the seaside, where my parents owned a small holiday flat. Since DD was still só young we carried her pram across parts of the road that looked réally tóó bumpy for her tiny head and neck and back, so everywhere with cobblestones. In Bruges. Medieval town in Flanders. Nobody said anything but people must've thought we were nuts.

Honestly, I was chill with my first 2. I was absolutely bat shit with my twins though who are now almost 3. My son had problems breathing when he was first born and he almost ended up in nicu. On the night we came home (3days old) he was a little restless after his milk and i took his perfectly normal newborn grunts as him stopping breathing. I flew to an and e and was absolutely nuts all night. His monitor fell off his arm at one point and I screamed for help. Honestly I think I was losing my mind from only getting 3 hours sleep in 72 hours. I was delirious, poor nurses

This wasn’t me but my very usually reasonable sister decided to Google still born rates for different countries and tried to convince her DH and me that she should give birth in her DH’s country as it was ‘safer’. I had to gently explain that different countries have different ways of recording and accuracy of data is really questionable particularly in the country she wanted to give birth in.

Her PFB is now 10. No dramas at all. She was not the same with her second child. 😆

when the umbilical cord came off my son as I had just changed his nappy I literally thought he was bleeding out I was a state calling 111 and the maternity unit as my partner was trying to calm me down. My son was fine cried a bit but when back to sleep.

A neighbour kindly babysat PFB when I had to go to antenatal clinic.
Sippy cup with boiled cooled water left for his delight.
Neighbour gleefully informed me that he liked a cup of tea better than the water - could have been something to do with the 3 spoons of sugar she put in it.
I also blame MIL for telling my kids that most people put sugar on Weetabix - we were a sugar-free household

When my youngest (now 18) was a baby me and NCT mum friends passed the hallowed Annabel Karmel recipe book between us like a bible of the purest best most healthy fare for our tiny darlings. I still make the corned beef hash and honestly it's just the most basic fatty stodge going (but tbh we still love it).

Took my newborn into A&E checks because of breathing difficulties in the night that I’d recorded.

Played it to the nurse “aww… he’s snoring”

I was told to buy a saline spray.

FFS, I still feel embarrassed

I love this thread 🤣 15 months between mine. I used to meticulously Milton wipe every toy in every playgroup before DS1 put it near his mouth. Now DS2 is 6 months old, I don’t have time to do this - he just. rolls on the playgroup floor, licking and chewing any toys he comes into contact with, while I chase a nearly 2 year old around 🙈

Also weaning- I just shove food in front of DS2 and hope for the best, whereas DS1 had a carefully curated schedule, introducing 1 puree at a time for what felt like months

Oh my…….I am crying with laughter at some of these comments! Thank you MN……keep them coming!

I also did this 😂

Can’t really remember much else, other than the usual PFB batshittery of using biscuit cutters to cut food into shapes like stars, hearts etc…loads of batch cooking of Annabelle karmel stuff. lol DD2 gets very boring and normal shaped food!

I glared absolute daggers at MIL when she gave DC1 a tiny taste of chocolate off the end of her finger when he was 6mo. I was furious for weeks about the disruption to his careful BLW schedule with lots of savoury vegetables so he wouldn't grow up with a sweet tooth.

DC2 managed to get his mitts on a chocolate chip cookie aged 5m when my back was turned dealing with his brother and was well into enjoying it by the time I turned around. I laughed and took pictures.

(I actually love MIL - she's a wonderful MIL and DGM.)