Most batshit thing you did with your PFB

[Eastie77Returns]

Chatting to friends today about the funniest/craziest/omg what was I thinking things we did with our firstborn DC.

When DD was a few months old she fell out of a small ‘smart’ baby swing that gently rocked her and played music. It was a very small fall onto carpeted floor and she didn’t even cry. I screamed in panic and took her to A&E. But before leaving I took a video of the smart swing so the doctors could see exactly how it rotated and I measured the distance from the floor to the rocker so they had that crucially important information as well. At the hospital I think I asked more than once if she needed a brain scan and huffed and puffed when the nurse gently said no😭 No-one was interested in watching the video either!

Peeled the batter off fishfingers to give PFB cod only 😅

Love both these 🤣

Sorry but 😂. Why didn’t you just buy cod?

First time I left my baby (probably 3 months) for a few hours with my mum - I had an itinerary written to the exact minute of snacks, naps, bottles, playtime, clothing.
Literally read something like -

9.15am, milk, 7oz exactly warmed to a precise temperature, feed half then burp, feed remaining half and burp again.

9.40am - snack of exactly 3 pieces and no more.
10.10am - prepare for nap. play specific classical music, swaddle as shown in the diagram.

Fucking batshit. By the third I threw the kid at her and said keep it alive I’ll see you tomorrow.

What snacks does a 3 month old baby get?

Cut a slit in pool noodles and had them on anything I thought my DC could hurt themselves on. Think tables, tv stand etc. Looking back at pictures makes me realise how ott I was

Quartered and peeled grapes

When my first wouldn’t sleep, we used to hoover as the sound soothed him. With my second, 21 months later, he got put into his cot and left to sort himself out. My second was such a good sleeper, so settled and relaxed. He hardly ever cried.

I once called 111 as my six
month old had a very tiny splinter in her finger from touching a picnic table. They thought I was insane.

Weighed bottles of formula to work out to the exact ml how much he had drank Jesus what were we thinking. Well in fairness we were. We were sleep deprived and he fed like shit and we had no support thanks to covid. But still. I can laugh about it now and we definitely didn't do it with DC 2

I have a photo of my baby granddaughter sitting on my knee. I was holding two large pages of instructions and telling her that she was not obeying them.
Fast forward a couple of years and two of them were thrown in with the instruction 'they behave differently with you so just do what you think'.

Frantically pumping breast milk to give to my PFB in his weetabix

I found it very hard to breastfeed as my supply was awful. I couldn't pump either but I tried, and after half an hour or so I would have maybe 2 millimetres of breast milk just about covering the bottom of a bottle. I would zealously save every drop and add it to his formula despite it being literally homeopathic levels of whatever imaginary benefits I thought it would confer. When I was staying with in laws my SIL washed out my millimetre of breast milk because she thought it was waiting to be washed and I cried.

I went to visit a friend and put my baby on a play mat. Her toddler son walked past and dropped his sippy cup which bounced off DS' head. He was probably about 2 months old. I politely finished my cup of tea, left, drove home with baby DS who was completely fine, told DH about it in a bit of a panic, he freaked out and we ended up driving to A and E in tears while DH sat in the back begging baby DS not to go to sleep.

Baby DS had a tiny red mark on his forehead.

Rang 111 in the middle of the night because my PFB spat up milk. I was sleep deprived and convinced he was going to become dehydrated. Because of his age I was given an automatic call back from a doctor. She very gently explained that most babies bring milk back up sometimes and he'd definitely cry if he was hungry/thirsty.

I also peeled the breadcrumbs off fish fingers on the odd meal out (DS2 was allowed the odd bit of unhealthy food when out and about... he doesn't seem any worse the ware).

In the 80s babies got weaned on porridge at 8 weeks 😬

You got me with the specific classical music😂😂😂

Peeled grapes before I gave them. An arduous task that I don’t wish to repeat 😂

Peeled and quartered grapes until dc was 1! Also insisted on taking my hair dryer everywhere as that was the only white noise he would sleep to. No one else’s hair dryer was good enough, had to be mine.

pleased to say that bat shittery behaviour did not follow with dc2 or 3.

I used to rock my pfb to sleep. One day I put him in the pram while I was busy getting ready to go out.

When I walked back into the room he was asleep. I thought something was wrong with him or he had died, so I jolted him and he woke up.

Yip he had never fallen asleep on his own until this time, as I would rock him every single time.

When dc2 came along, they were swaddled and put into the moses basket and that was that. Dc2 slept through the night from 8 weeks old.

I laugh at myself when I think back how ridiculous it was.

😂 Sounds about right

These are so funny. With my first I cried because my sister took a phone call which I thought woke them up from their nap. My poor sister. Second used to fall asleep literally on the floor with no assistance

Ah yes. I actually took DD to the GP’s surgery the first time she spat up milk. Asked if she could be seen immediately as something was very wrong. Looking back I’m amazed the GP managed to keep a straight face😂

Re grapes - when we relocated to the US the DS was 3. He'd been eating whole grapes or large ones cut in half in the middle. The kindergarten told us they must be cit in thirds lengthways. They were a lot more advanced re potty training there though.

I just want to say that in this case you overreacted to a tiny fall and no-one was interested in your video. However it was a sensible thing to do to take it because had there been a possibilty of a more serious injury it can really help to see what the 'mechanism of injury' may have been.