Most batshit thing you did with your PFB

[Eastie77Returns]

Chatting to friends today about the funniest/craziest/omg what was I thinking things we did with our firstborn DC.

When DD was a few months old she fell out of a small ‘smart’ baby swing that gently rocked her and played music. It was a very small fall onto carpeted floor and she didn’t even cry. I screamed in panic and took her to A&E. But before leaving I took a video of the smart swing so the doctors could see exactly how it rotated and I measured the distance from the floor to the rocker so they had that crucially important information as well. At the hospital I think I asked more than once if she needed a brain scan and huffed and puffed when the nurse gently said no😭 No-one was interested in watching the video either!

Took my PFB down in to a cave at 3 months old in a foreign country in a baby carrier, wet and slippy, sheer drops with ledges that were about 6 inches wide 🙈

With my first I used to hand express breast milk into her puree as I was cooking it to thin it down (to then put in ice cube trays labelled, obviously!) at least the kitchen window wasn’t overlooked! Never bothered with breast milk as she refused a bottle!

I insisted on complete silence in the house when DD was napping, to the extent that when visiting my DSis I shushed my nieces and nephews when they made what I deemed to be too much noise playing.

I spent hours researching the best cup for DC1. It had to be free from any and all potentially harmful materials with the correct sipping mechanisms for her precious lips and mouth. I felt quite smug as I spent £12 on an eco friendly one with a special valve, 360 degree edge for no spills and grip function that would develop her fine motor skills. All essential features. I wouldn't be like those feckless mums who gave their poor DC any old thing to drink from.

DC1 didn't get on with it at all. Her favorite cup ended up being the plastic one her childminder bought from Poundland.

I think it did - I read the thread in classics years ago and I’m pretty sure @Hoppinggreen directly came to mind one day when I was freaking out about how many layers we should put the baby in. Same with the MNer who sprayed No More Tears in her eyes. It is nice knowing that other parents are worrying just as much - and that one day things will feel less fraught.

I would have found it very reassuring - I spent so much time in such a state of high anxiety it would have been reassuring to know from experienced mothers that babies are very resilient and it's all going to be just fine

This thread is so true. My first I recorded EVERYTHING…every wet nappy, dirty nappy even how long he fed for and how many oz and if it got to 3 hours I would wake him and feed him because that’s what all the books said.

Eventually I was glad I did it as he has a milk allergy but I realised how fixated I was on it, it wasn’t healthy 🙈

My daughter I was much more chill 😂

I had a section and our bed is really high so I struggled to get onto it at first. I slept downstairs on the sofa for the first few nights with partner on the floor on a blow up bed. Baby was in her next to me crib, perpendicular to the sofa. I cried because she was too far away from me 🙈

It is what it is...

I think I’m doing it right now… 2.5yr old PFB isn’t well, had a high-ish temp today (37.4 max). After she coughed a bit too much for my liking, I’m now in bed with her so I can keep a close eye ‘just in case’. It’s 9pm on a Sat night. And her temp is back to normal 😳

I nicked my first baby's thumb when trimming her sharp claws, decided she may bleed to death so called the doctor. He was very kind to a panicked young mother.

I threw my shoe at a bird. Though this was with my 2nd born I'd just gotten him to sleep after hours. Finally after walking in the pram for 45 mins he's asleep fantastic. Bird in a tree starts squawking I took my shoe off and threw it at the bird.

Thus are literally stories about what these mothers have done. Looking back and laughing at yourself is massively cathartic in the impossible role of motherhood.

this isn’t about ridiculing others. It’s laughing at yourself.

My one is only little and I’ve been reading these thinking I haven’t done anything bonkers but then I remembered that

• I wouldn’t let my parents light any candles at Christmas in case she inhaled smoke
• I licked her arm when we got out of a swimming pool on holiday to see how salty / chloriney she was

We did this!

I did that too!

That is the legendary PFB anecdote on here. I cannot make sense of it, at all. It’s so insane. It actually makes me worried for that mother then.

Obviously all these actions are borne from an all-consuming love, which is truly lovely, but my god they are so utterly batshit. Just…mindblowing.

But…why?! I don’t understand.

The op explained it was because the lights in the ward were always on, so she thought it should be the same at home.

That poster has been on the thread; I don't think you need to worry about them.

It's a funny example of how we do something totally illogical which feels logical at the time.

My eldest was born in Feb, and when I would scoop him out of the Moses basket next to me in the night, I would go to the bathroom, run the hot tap and fill a pop bottle with warm water; I put this in the basket whilst feeding him, so he wouldn’t be going back into a cold basket.

The other two kids didn’t get this treatment

For anyone who wants to do this sort of thing whilst not actually putting any effort into it, a heated pet blanket seemed to be the perfect temp for my son. Just hoiked it in at the start of a feed one handed and took it out after.

(He absolutely refused to go down in his next to me for the first 14w until I tried this.)

Cutting a grape lengthwise is still cutting it in half 🤷‍♀️

I can see from this thread that Annabel Karmel has a lot to answer for. She was all the rage when DD was born and I was gifted one of her books. I remember looking at the fish recipe someone has already mentioned and feeling perplexed - it seemed more complicated than something I'd make for myself😅I

I did dutifully make a lot of toddler specific meals for DC1 and painstakingly followed the instructions to the letter in case any deviation caused her harm😂 (or relied on the occasional Ellas Kitchen pouch). I think DC2 actually benefitted from the fact I was a lot more relaxed about it all second time around. He ate what the family ate with reduced or removed salt/sugar/spices etc. Unlike with DC1, I felt a lot more confident that he wouldn't collapse from an allergic reaction if he ate 'adult' food.

Haha I did this too! You'd think we'd have been sick of charting outside work but clearly not! 😂