Most batshit thing you did with your PFB

[Eastie77Returns]

Chatting to friends today about the funniest/craziest/omg what was I thinking things we did with our firstborn DC.

When DD was a few months old she fell out of a small ‘smart’ baby swing that gently rocked her and played music. It was a very small fall onto carpeted floor and she didn’t even cry. I screamed in panic and took her to A&E. But before leaving I took a video of the smart swing so the doctors could see exactly how it rotated and I measured the distance from the floor to the rocker so they had that crucially important information as well. At the hospital I think I asked more than once if she needed a brain scan and huffed and puffed when the nurse gently said no😭 No-one was interested in watching the video either!

I recall putting the hood up on DD bassinet while I had the tv on as I didn't want her to be negatively affected by blue light/screen time. She was still a newborn.

Oh I did so many.

still do!

my favourite on here was a lady with the rain cover. Her husband wanted to go for a walk and she didn’t want baby in the rain. So she got into the buggy, made him out the cover on and hose it to check it was waterproof.

This was me! I’ve actually kept the instructions that I left. He’s almost 16 now 😂😂

@BeachRide- that’s brilliant!

it’s not just first borns, I was delirious with tiredness with second born and poured formula into the detergent compartment of the washing machine.

(and it still panics me when people say they are cutting up my older children’s grapes - they will be unfamiliar with an uncut grape and when they eat one uncut they will likely die, this was a hot topic of conversation at toddler group, you have to let them learn… and watch every chew)

I sucked the salt from McDonald’s chips for my PFB (who was starving and it was the only food we could get our hands on in an airport). No2 was already wolfing them down at half the age. Now perfectly healthy YAs who will eat anything and still love McDonald’s.

Ha ha someone has mentioned that somewhere in this thread. It’s hilarious 🤣

That’s a lot like the list I left my DM (of 4) the first time she looked after PFB. She nodded and smiled and cracked on. By the time she was looking after 3&4 I just left her to it 😂

I was relatively free range after the first few months with DC1 but probably one of the more batshit things I did when DC1 was still under 12 months and I was pregnant was driving him around a section of the M25 which was being widened. He was obsessed with diggers and cranes and the car was one place he would doze off. I was desperate to get the little wretch to sleep. It worked.

A close friend whose DC are a few years older than mine always told me DC1 has everything carefully sterilised the moment it touches a surface, DC2 a bit of a wash or wipe, DC3&4 suck dishcloths and feed themselves on cold curry from the fridge given half a chance.

The same friend also stopped me calling the emergency doctor when I panicked seeing DC1’s nappy had little black worms in the poo. “Have you given him bananas” said she...

Some Annabelle karmel (?) recipe asked for chicken stock. I bought a lovely organic chicken. Cooked it. Got the bones out and made lovely organic stock. Threw all the chicken meat away because the recipe only asked for stock! I was sleep deprived though

to make it worse it was a recipe parents and babies could eat together with a few tweaks. so it was veg risotto and you gave a puréed portion to baby and then added herbs and other bits to remainder for adults.

but I puréed the lot without thinking. Baby didn’t like it at all. We couldn’t face puréed rice and ended up with s takeaway. And then my husband said -‘what did you do with the chicken. I will use if for sandwiches tomorrow’ and I had to confess to throwing it in the bin

At home after discharge from hospital with a disposable nappy secured by sticky patches.
One patch got stuck to DS beautiful delicate newborn skin. Major panic, attempt at gentle unsticking got nowhere.
DH cycled into the city asking chemists for magic sticky stuff dissolver but came home empty handed. He said the chemist seemed to think he was nuts.
Health Visitor called, took one look and ripped off the patch. Skin completely unmarked let alone undamaged.

My baby was born in a heatwave and my flat was so hot anyway so I completely panicked. I read somewhere that putting tin foil over the windows keeps the inside of your property cool so I bought a ton of tin foil and covered all the windows in the flat because I was terrified of my newborn overheating. It seemed so logical to me at the time but my husband was literally speechless and didn’t know what to say. it was absolutely batshit crazy. I must have had postpartum anxiety. And no it didn’t make much difference….

A&E because DD was licking a Weeble.
Was convinced that 'old' toys were covered in lead/CFC/toxic paint etc.
They were undeservedly tolerant of me.

Annabel Karmel was truly batshit. There was a recipe I think that combined fish, cheese and... cornflakes?? ....

Laughing at all the poo analysis stories. Once I completely panicked because PFB's poo had come out distinctly green. Poison? Infection? After some frantic googling I remembered that he'd eaten one of those blue "candyfloss" ice creams that afternoon.

Every time she fell asleep I poked her to make sure she was still alive.

I was the same and my husband did this once by mistake, I don’t think he’s ever felt so bad as he knew the pain, suffering and work that went into power pumping that bloody tiny amount. I feel your pain x

Buying weaning veg from Waitrose. Rest of us had Tesco. Clearly had a lot of time on my hands during maternity leave!

Yes! I remember that story! 😂😂😂

To be fair to you, if you posted a thread about that now, 500 people would respond saying she’s obviously a psychopath and you should go NC with her and your dad.

With my first, her Dad felt strongly that she wasn't to chew her hands so I did anything I could to stop her so he wouldn't get mad at me. It was for that reason that we wouldn't leave her with Grandparents in the first year. Also he was insistent that she was wrapped in a sheet and couldn't get her arms out (presumably so she couldn't chew her hands). The hand chewing thing went on until she was about 2!

I was also anxious about her hurting herself and would no doubt have had her at the doctors or walk-in for every slight knock or sniffle. Thankfully she had (and still has) a good immune system!

Refused to start weaning until I'd bought an intensively researched organic bamboo wood baby plate, and would ONLY serve meals on this, including taking one to restaurants/family members🤣🤣🤣
Fast forward not even 3 months later and the kids eating 4 day old scraps missed by the hoover off the floor.
Good times 🤣🤣

This has made me realise that I still have a piece of protective rubber edging along a shelf in our living room because DS once bumped his head on it as a baby. DS is now 18 and 6 ft 2, so I can probably take it off now 😳

Edit: no I can't, because apparently I fucking superglued it.

Please don’t be to hasty….

I took my PFB baby to the health visitor because I thought she might be epileptic.

Turns out she was just doing a little wiggle every time she had a wee in her nappy.

First time I gave my son peanut butter (Sandwich) I drove him to the hospital and sat in the car park then gave it to him whilst parked up I was convinced he’d have a massive reaction! 🤣 and figured I could rush inside if he did.

Phoned my old HV, I'd moved, she tried to say she can't talk to me, to ask about removing the black pips from kiwis for my baby who was under ten months.

Wrote down which side I fed from and how long. Put a hair bobble on my wrist and frequently couldn't remember if that meant next bob or last one.

Washed all Baby1 clothes and muslins then ironed them. They never saw an iron again.

Went to supermarkets on one day looking for everything organic.

Left at least two A4 sides of instructions for when PIL had baby ds, ten months, when h and I went out for dinner.

In my defence I had PND, no family of my own and in retrospect, a clueless and useless and totally unsupportive h.

Guess I’m just generally batshit then! I’m ok with that though. I find having young kids hard, love them to bits of course, but I’m just not able to go with the flow. I nearly had a breakdown with my first because I couldn’t sleep, the only way I can sleep is with a strict routine.