My husband died today

[BlossomIsSoPretty]

I'm a paraplegic. My husband helps me to bed and then he puts my wheelchair on charge, locks up the house, gets us both glasses of water etc. I'm usually asleep by the time he gets to bed (I take medication that makes me sleep). At 1am I woke up and husband wasn't next to me. I presumed he had gone to the toilet so I waited a while but he didn't return. I couldn't get out of bed to find him because my chair is in another room. I called for him but no answer. I had my phone next to me so I rang his but realised it was on his bed side table.

To cut a long story short, I had to call the police for assistance as I couldn't think what else to do. They came and found DH on the sofa in the lounge. He had died. This was 3.30am. He was cold so died a few hours ago.

As I've no family, a lovely police lady is here with me.
DH is still here. Paramedics have lay him on the sofa. Undertakers will be here soon. I don't even know what to do. He was 67. He has 3 daughters and 6 grandchildren. 1 daughter is on holiday in Spain but will get first flight home, 1 had a baby 3 weeks ago and is still in hospital due to complications and the 3rd lives 4 hours away and doesn't drive but is now on the train but won't get here for a while.

I'm rambling. If I wasn't paralysed I could have saved him. I couldn't get to him. I'm sorry darling.

Why do you think you could have saved him, OP?

Apologies if you said & I didn't read carefully enough.

I'm so very sorry for your loss. Please call your friends for support x

I’m really sorry for your loss. Please don’t feel guilty as you may not have been able to save him. Be kind to yourself, phone a friend, take whatever support you can

Oh I am so very sorry for you. Please don't blame yourself x

@BlossomIsSoPretty I'm so very sorry for your loss. I can't imagine your pain. I hope you have good friends around you. I agree with PP that you should call someone now to come and be with you. It's an emergency.

Would it help for you to tell us about him and talk about him a bit?

So sorry for your loss. Please try not to think “what if”, I doubt there would have been anything you could have done if you could have got to him sooner.

Chances are your dh’s body will have to go to the coroners to determine the cause of death, we had this with a relative at Christmas, it took a while for them to be collected. So his dd maybe able to get to you before this happens?

Do you have any family who can care for you until regular care can be put in place? A friend, neighbour, family?

Today will probably feel like a bad nightmare, it can take time to process what’s happening when someone passes away. Just take each hour as it comes and take any help that is offered.

So sorry for your loss xxx

That's a good point a PP made about the door. I hope someone's available to help you straighten that out.

I am so sorry. What an awful way to lose your husband. It’s especially hard, as you depended on him so much for your mobility. It sounded like you were very close too, so a mutually happy marriage . Hoping your daughters can be of support to you while you figure out the future. I can understand why you are so worried.

I’m so sorry. What a terrible shock and a terrible loss. He sounds like a lovely man.

Please don’t blame yourself. It sounds like it was very sudden. It’s very unlikely anyone would have heard him from upstairs in bed or been able to help him.

You could ask the police officer to contact your work if you don’t feel up to it (understandably). Make sure you let people help you xx

Absolutely agree.

I'm so sorry, OP. What a horrible shock. I'm very glad the policewoman was kind and helped you.

This is an awful loss. Please call your friends. They will want to he there for you in whatever way you need. Please don't blame yourself.

I'm so sorry about your husband, `OP. Your husband sounds like a wonderful man. I'm glad your daughter is coming to you.

It might be a good idea to uncancel the morning carer - you might find it helpful to have someone who knows you helping until your daughter gets there.

I'm so very sorry for your loss, @BlossomIsSoPretty. What a shock. Please do reconsider calling a friend. If a friend needed me in your situation, I wouldn't care what time it was.

Thanks everyone.
A carer turned up because they didn't get the message not to. Thankfully it's one of the older ones. I would hate one of the younger ones to have to deal with this.
Undertakers have been. They were wonderful.
My carer helped me to dress. She's gone now but has given me her personal phone number in case I need anything. I only have the one care call a day but she said she will pop in at bed time to help me if I need it. She's brilliant.

My door is fine.. I have a key safe!

I'm a freelance sign language interpretor so can take time off it's just I had a job on today.

Stepdaughter who is in hospital, her husband is on his way to me. He'll be here in 10 minutes, once he's dropped kids off at his sisters.

Stepdaughter on the train gets in at 10.27 then it's a 20 minute taxi ride here.

The one in Spain is at the airport trying to get a flight. Thankfully it's just her as she went away yesterday for a hen weekend.

So sorry for your loss, please don’t think about the what if’s, it’s just torture.

I’m sorry again x

I’m so sorry.

I'm so sorry 💐

i am glad the carer came op

Oh what a horrible shock. I'm so sorry

I'm deeply sorry for your loss. I hope the police stay with you until someone is able to be with you. Even if you were able bodied, it doesn't mean you'd have been able to save him. I know at the moment you are in shock and going through a list of 'what ifs' in your head. On a practical level do you have carers come in to see you? What about at night? You may now need more support going forward. Do you have a support person to call on a Saturday, because the support may need to be immediate. Sending you much love ❤️
Edit: Just saw your update. I'm glad you have support on the way and immediate help tonight.

I think I remember you from before, on the AMA. So sorry to hear this.

So, so sorry for your loss.
You are not to blame in any way.
Please phone your friend, that's what good friends are for.

Sorry for your loss. It must be a shock for you and the family.

I’m so sorry, OP, and glad to hear you have people coming to be with you. Over the years I’ve had three friends whose husbands died suddenly and unexpectedly at home. The shock is immense.

Thinking of you and holding you in prayer.

I'm so sorry for this traumatising and devastating loss of your precious husband. Would love to hear more about him, how did you meet, how long were you together, what did you laugh most about together? The shock will be huge and I hope your step family all take good care of you in the forthcoming days, months and years x

Oh my goodness I’m so very very sorry. I can’t even imagine the trauma you are feeling. The loss of your darling husband :(

Do you have close friends? Can you call them to come round and support you?

If not, where are you? I wonder if there are local MNers who can come round just to sit with you for a bit. I would absolutely do that if you were local to me xx