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My husband died today

256 replies

BlossomIsSoPretty · 07/06/2025 06:57

I'm a paraplegic. My husband helps me to bed and then he puts my wheelchair on charge, locks up the house, gets us both glasses of water etc. I'm usually asleep by the time he gets to bed (I take medication that makes me sleep). At 1am I woke up and husband wasn't next to me. I presumed he had gone to the toilet so I waited a while but he didn't return. I couldn't get out of bed to find him because my chair is in another room. I called for him but no answer. I had my phone next to me so I rang his but realised it was on his bed side table.

To cut a long story short, I had to call the police for assistance as I couldn't think what else to do. They came and found DH on the sofa in the lounge. He had died. This was 3.30am. He was cold so died a few hours ago.

As I've no family, a lovely police lady is here with me.
DH is still here. Paramedics have lay him on the sofa. Undertakers will be here soon. I don't even know what to do. He was 67. He has 3 daughters and 6 grandchildren. 1 daughter is on holiday in Spain but will get first flight home, 1 had a baby 3 weeks ago and is still in hospital due to complications and the 3rd lives 4 hours away and doesn't drive but is now on the train but won't get here for a while.

I'm rambling. If I wasn't paralysed I could have saved him. I couldn't get to him. I'm sorry darling.

OP posts:
Funnywonder · 07/06/2025 07:58

I don’t know what to say, except I am so sorry for your loss. What a traumatic experience for you💔

flowertoday · 07/06/2025 07:59

So very sorry for your loss. Am glad you have someone with you until other family arrive. Sending you love and strength xxx

Not2identifying · 07/06/2025 07:59

I'm really sorry for your loss.

GreenCandleWax · 07/06/2025 08:03

Deepest sorrows for your loss Flowers. What a terrible shock you have had. Be kind to yourself. Thinking of you and your family today. Take care. 💗

YesHonestly · 07/06/2025 08:04

I don’t have any words that seem adequate.

I am so very sorry for the loss of your wonderful husband, you obviously loved each other very much.

GameOfJones · 07/06/2025 08:04

You are not to blame. Often these things are very quick. Unfortunately we have lost two family members in very sudden ways....one to a heart attack and another to an aneurysm. In both cases it happened in an instant, at home with other people around and nothing could have been done. Please do not blame yourself.

Send an email to work for now telling them what has happened and saying you won't be in. You don't need to say when you will be back (I work in HR). These things don't have a set timeline and if you end up needing more time go to the doctor and get yourself signed off work for grief.....it isn't at all uncommon. Your manager or a member of HR will want to check in with you and you can agree with them how often you'll be in touch and let them know how things are going.

Please call a friend. Nobody will mind and they will want to be there for you.

Tripadvisor101 · 07/06/2025 08:06

Please don't blame yourself. I know someone who did CPR on her husband until the ambulance arrived. She was a nurse so knew exactly what to do but neither she nor the paramedics could bring him back. He was a healthy and fit 45 year old. So sad. I'm so sorry OP. Thinking of you.

PlantDoctor · 07/06/2025 08:09

I'm so sorry OP. I hope in time you can let go of the guilt you feel because the same could have happened to anyone, paraplegic or not. It's absolutely not your fault.

I'm so so sorry for your loss

Vallmo47 · 07/06/2025 08:09

I genuinely don’t know what to say OP other than this wasn’t your fault and I am so, so sorry for your loss.

2cats1dog2babies · 07/06/2025 08:09

I'm so sorry for your loss.

sugarapplelane · 07/06/2025 08:10

I am so sorry for your loss ❤️

SoInLuv · 07/06/2025 08:10

My condolences 🙏🏼
Dear OP, please try to stay strong. Ombre glad you have people around you. One day you'll meet your Husband again on Heaven.

humptydumptyfelloff · 07/06/2025 08:12

Oh I’m so so sorry to read this Flowers

it’s not too early to call friends at all.
I would have no issue receiving a call from a friend in any situation at any time.

MintChocCat · 07/06/2025 08:12

So sorry for your loss 😢

Lalgarh · 07/06/2025 08:12

Condolences

CognitiveBehaviouralHypnotherapy · 07/06/2025 08:12

I am so sorry for your loss OP.

I think feelings of I could / should have done something different can be common. Please let them wash over you. There’s nothing you could have done. Sending you a huge handhold

Horses7 · 07/06/2025 08:13

So sorry for your loss, what an enormous shock you have had. Please accept as much help as you can, especially from friends and your husbands family - even if sometimes it’s just hugs.

ohfourfoxache · 07/06/2025 08:13

I’m so, so sorry x

Dontjudgeme101 · 07/06/2025 08:14

I am so sorry op. Please phone your friends. Maybe one of the could phone work and explain what’s happened. 💐💐💐

Advent0range · 07/06/2025 08:16

I'm so sorry OP. What a shock. Please do contact a friend. You need someone who cares for you to manage practicalities. 💔

GetMeOutOfHere20 · 07/06/2025 08:16

So sorry we lost my dad like his he was in his early 40s the shock is beyond words. I am so so so sorry.

StressedEric · 07/06/2025 08:17

What a terrible experience for you , I am so very sorry . Please ring your friends I’d be horrified if one of my friends was alone for fear of waking me .

EdithBond · 07/06/2025 08:18

Oh dear! That’s horrific for you. What a terrible shock. I’m so, so sorry.

67 is no age. Had he been unwell? It sounds like he died suddenly, so there may not have been anything you could do, even if you got to him.

I assume the police had to break the door, so that’ll also need sorting.

Do call a friend. If this happened to any of my friends, I’d want to know straight away, so I could be there for them.

Sending love and strength ❤️

Velvetgoldmine · 07/06/2025 08:20

I'm so sorry that this happened to you and to your husband. Keeping you in my thoughts. I hope that family can be with you soon to help you cope. I understand how you feel as mine is terribly sick right now but please don't worry that you could have changed anything. The police woman sounds lovely. Let her help you. Xx

ChaToilLeam · 07/06/2025 08:20

I am so sorry, OP. What a terrible shock for you.