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Need a hand hold - husband sick in a foreign country

176 replies

Surf2Live · 01/06/2025 18:06

Firstly, I'm getting through this, but I'm all alone and I don't want to burden him with my fears and there's no one I can speak to right now to support me.

We are digital nomads. When everything is working well, it's a fantastic sense of freedom and I love my life. But when things go wrong, it's enormous pressure.

Last night I drove him to the hospital, after a few days of being unwell, the pain was getting worse. When I suggested it, he said okay, then I knew it was definitely time to go. We got back to our accomodation at 4am.

We just arrived in a new country 2 days ago. Neither of us speak the language. It's not close to either English or Spanish, the two languages we do speak.

I'm navigating a foreign country, new city, no language skills, scared for my husband who is sleeping a lot and quite unwell, all while still having to run my online business.

Tomorrow I have to drive us to our next city where thankfully we have a 2 month say organised. It's a 3 hour drive. I can do this. I have to unload the car in the centre of the new city into a new apartment, with a sick husband. I can do this, I know I can, but it's still a lot.

The business relies upon me mostly. I'm the primary content creator. I trained two other employees but neither of them can yet do my job. So I have about 2 hours work to do tomorrow before we can leave, or after we arrive. Luckily my business can be flexible.

I guess, all I want here please is some hand holding because I'm so alone right now. I have so much on my shoulders, which normally is fine when I have my husband by my side to support me, but when he's sick I'm so alone.

OP posts:

Surf2Live · 28/06/2025 03:20

Pinned

He died.

I'm utterly devastated.

He died now two weeks ago. It's a nightmare. I'm in survival mode, I have a very long journey back to take him home.

I'm in shock. His death was traumatic. I'm traumatised by all of this.

I have a son. If I did not have him I would not be here. I have to live for him. He needs me so I now take my husbands ashes back and my son and I can begin to grieve for his dad and my husband.

Funderthighs · 01/06/2025 18:07

🤝❤️ you can do it!

smileyplant · 01/06/2025 18:10

You can do this! Break it down into steps as you have started to do in your post. Take it one at a time. Have a little treat when you get to your new destination. Unmumsnetty hugs to you.

Viviennemary · 01/06/2025 18:10

I've no idea what a digital nomad is. However, stay calm and I hope your husband is better soon.

CortadoPlease · 01/06/2025 18:11

Why not hunker down where you are and not create content for a few days.

Surf2Live · 01/06/2025 18:14

oh God, thank you so much for your replies! I feel a little less alone

he is getting better, little by little, which has made my worst fear evaporate

blood tests at hospital last night all good

so now it's just a plan for recovery over the next wee while, this is a short term not life threatening thing thank goodness

digital nomad - we have an online business, developed over 17 years now, work a couple of hours a day (very occasionally up to 10 hrs per day when we have a big project), I created it, own it, run it

OP posts:
Surf2Live · 01/06/2025 18:15

CortadoPlease · 01/06/2025 18:11

Why not hunker down where you are and not create content for a few days.

have seriously considered that

he is getting better and says he's well enough to travel tomorrow

if we stay here, we're paying for accommodation 2X and every day we stay costs us another USD$100+

so if I can get us to our booked stay tomorrow, then we can unload, unpack and relax

we can only do this lifestyle long term if we regularly have long stays of 2-6 months in one place

OP posts:
Funderthighs · 01/06/2025 18:20

Now that this has happened, maybe have a little strategy/back up plan for if something similar happens. It’ll help you cope better?

Surf2Live · 01/06/2025 18:24

Funderthighs · 01/06/2025 18:20

Now that this has happened, maybe have a little strategy/back up plan for if something similar happens. It’ll help you cope better?

absolutely!!

we have good health insurance, that's a good start

we have emergency funds, always a good backup

I need him to give work instructions so one of our team can step in if he can't do his job (we work together in this business)

I also realise I need a small document with numbers and names of people to contact, and they need a small document of numbers, names and steps to take, if something more serious happens to him

and he needs the same for me

this is actually something we talked about setting up carefully, and we planned on doing it at our next stop

it became clearer a few weeks ago when I was pickpocketed in a train station and my debit card and government ID was stolen, massive hassle

OP posts:
BruFord · 01/06/2025 18:30

I’m glad to hear that he’s improving. As you say, you need to have some plans in place in case either of you become ill again.

I’d also make sure that you always have the nearest embassy/consulate information in case you need their help.

Re. Emergency funds. Also make sure that a a couple of family members/close friends in your home country know how to wire funds to you in an emergency situation.

Username2151 · 01/06/2025 18:30

You sound very sensible and very confident as well as competent OP.
You will do this because you must and you know that you can💪
It is a lot for you at this time, along with all the pressure and worry you have for your DH.
2 hours work and a flexible schedule and trainees nearly ready to be more help are positives, and hopefully this will afford you precious time to be with your husband as he rides out his illness and recovery.
Wishing you and your husband all the very best, @Surf2Live and sending you a handhold from far away xx.

Surf2Live · 02/06/2025 20:33

we made it to our long(ish) term accommodation

the drive was... interesting

it's Germany, and there is NO SPEED LIMIT on some of the autobhans! Porsche, Audi, Mercedes, BMWs all screaming by in the fast lane... like they're all in some insane arcade racing game

then I managed to get the car unloaded and parked, then I had to get us something to eat from the supermarket and ended up walking on my own through one of the sketchiest area I've ever walked in.. saw a few drug deals, very unstable individuals about, lots of young men with not much apparently to do and some doing things they probably should not be doing.. and me in my naivety going to the supermarket

I've tavelled all over Latin America, spent plenty of time in Bogota, Colombia, but that walk today through that area was the dodgiest I've done

husband is a bit better, but now we are settled for a bit he can access some specialist healthcare, he clearly needs another doctor visit

I can cope now from here, and I think he'll be allright soon

OP posts:
healthybychristmas · 02/06/2025 23:33

That sounds incredibly stressful for you. I do hope your husband is okay. A long time ago I had a job where we had to write a "will" which outlines absolutely everything we did in our job from the start of the day to the end. It had to include a big list of all our contacts, file names and so on. It would be really worth thinking about this sort of thing for the future

Surf2Live · 28/06/2025 03:20

He died.

I'm utterly devastated.

He died now two weeks ago. It's a nightmare. I'm in survival mode, I have a very long journey back to take him home.

I'm in shock. His death was traumatic. I'm traumatised by all of this.

I have a son. If I did not have him I would not be here. I have to live for him. He needs me so I now take my husbands ashes back and my son and I can begin to grieve for his dad and my husband.

OP posts:
Lollipopsicle · 28/06/2025 03:29

Oh God OP. I’m so sorry. I hope you and your son have love and support back home. Hugs to you both from this stranger on the internet. x

NotISaidTheCat · 28/06/2025 03:32

Oh, @Surf2Live, I'm so, so sorry. There really are no words sometimes. If it helps, a stranger in Scotland is thinking of you and wishing desperately that she could give you a hug right now.

CharlieUniformNovemberTangoYankee · 28/06/2025 03:43

So very, very sorry for your loss. May your husband rest in peace. Sending love and strength to you and your son ❤️

Horses7 · 28/06/2025 03:47

Sending a hug 💙

MumofSpud · 28/06/2025 03:48

So sorry to hear this. I hope you have support at home when you reach it. I have been where you are and it’s a day at a time sometimes an hour at a time. You must look after yourself too do not forget that x

EnjoyingTheArmoire · 28/06/2025 03:48

I'm so sorry for your loss

Lauralou26 · 28/06/2025 03:48

Oh I’m so sorry. That was so quick. Do you have people with you for support.

Roomforapony · 28/06/2025 03:50

I am so sorry for your loss, it’s heartbreaking for you and your son especially being far from your family’s support. Sending you strength and love, I’ll keep you both in my thoughts and prayers❤️

LasVegass · 28/06/2025 03:58

I’m so sorry for you and your son. Wishing you strength for the days to come, and healing.

Blueberrymuffinsforthewin · 28/06/2025 04:02

I am so sorry for your loss, thinking of you and your son.

Notmorecrapola · 28/06/2025 04:06

My God - I was just reading your original post and feeling relief for you that he seemed to be recovering and you’d made it to your next stop. And now I’ve read your update and I am so so sorry. You must have been absolutely blindsided by his death. Sending you love and support and thinking of you and your son

Username2151 · 28/06/2025 04:10

Oh my dear, how dreadful for you, and for your son. What a shock for you both. I'm so very sorry for your traumatic loss.
Offering you a hug and a hand hold; you are in the thoughts of many of us tonight.❤️