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Need a hand hold - husband sick in a foreign country

176 replies

Surf2Live · 01/06/2025 18:06

Firstly, I'm getting through this, but I'm all alone and I don't want to burden him with my fears and there's no one I can speak to right now to support me.

We are digital nomads. When everything is working well, it's a fantastic sense of freedom and I love my life. But when things go wrong, it's enormous pressure.

Last night I drove him to the hospital, after a few days of being unwell, the pain was getting worse. When I suggested it, he said okay, then I knew it was definitely time to go. We got back to our accomodation at 4am.

We just arrived in a new country 2 days ago. Neither of us speak the language. It's not close to either English or Spanish, the two languages we do speak.

I'm navigating a foreign country, new city, no language skills, scared for my husband who is sleeping a lot and quite unwell, all while still having to run my online business.

Tomorrow I have to drive us to our next city where thankfully we have a 2 month say organised. It's a 3 hour drive. I can do this. I have to unload the car in the centre of the new city into a new apartment, with a sick husband. I can do this, I know I can, but it's still a lot.

The business relies upon me mostly. I'm the primary content creator. I trained two other employees but neither of them can yet do my job. So I have about 2 hours work to do tomorrow before we can leave, or after we arrive. Luckily my business can be flexible.

I guess, all I want here please is some hand holding because I'm so alone right now. I have so much on my shoulders, which normally is fine when I have my husband by my side to support me, but when he's sick I'm so alone.

OP posts:
KnewYearKnewMe · 28/06/2025 15:45

I’m so so sorry, OP

Silvers11 · 28/06/2025 16:46

So, so sorry to read your update @Surf2Live . You must be so shocked. Sending virtual hugs to you and your son.

Arrythmiaconfusion · 28/06/2025 16:48

So sorry OP.
Any practical things people can help with:
Translation?
Sourcing documents?
Finding documents you need?

Ohnobackagain · 28/06/2025 17:00

@Surf2Live so sorry to hear this. We are here. May he rest in eternal peace. Wishing you strength to deal with this.

AnnoyedAsAllHeck · 28/06/2025 17:31

Surf2Live · 28/06/2025 03:20

He died.

I'm utterly devastated.

He died now two weeks ago. It's a nightmare. I'm in survival mode, I have a very long journey back to take him home.

I'm in shock. His death was traumatic. I'm traumatised by all of this.

I have a son. If I did not have him I would not be here. I have to live for him. He needs me so I now take my husbands ashes back and my son and I can begin to grieve for his dad and my husband.

I am so very sorry for yours and your son's loss. Please know that a person in the USA is sending many {{HUGS}} to you both.

Imbluedalale · 28/06/2025 18:30

Im so so sorry . Sending you the biggest hug xx

Grrrpredictivetex · 28/06/2025 22:35

I’m so sorry @Surf2Live. I’m truly in shock so can’t imagine how you must be feeling. I hope you have support with you. Flowers

Aprilrainagainagain · 28/06/2025 22:38

I’m so very sorry x

liveforsummer · 29/06/2025 10:10

How awful OP. I hope you post the post from a PP who is in Germany and speaks the language, offering practical support! Sending hugs

Surf2Live · 29/06/2025 20:01

Thank you everyone for your kind messages.

I'm still in shock. Each time I cry I am aware I'm still disassociated; I seem to be viewing myself from the other side of the room.

His death was in Frankfurt, yes. I don't care at this point about outing myself. Just the two of us, alone. For a few days we both thought he was getting better. Then, quickly, he was not. Then he was dead, in my arms. An awful death, and I was left alone in a foreign country, no language skills, knowing no one.

At first for 48hrs I was in a waking nightmare. Then I had a family member arrive for a few days while I dealt with immediate arrangements.

I have reached out to our international network of friends and found people to help with practical matters.

I have a long journey. From Frankfurt to New Zealand. With his ashes.

We really were each others everything. Married 17 years. Did everything together. We surfed together. Snowboarded together. Ran a business together. Travelled together. We were that annoying couple who interlocked hands when we walked in the street. The respect we had for each other was deep. The love so strong.

My life stretches in front of me so empty.

But for now, my son needs me. He's lost his dad and I'm on my way back to him.

To add pain upon pain, after he died I had to go back alone to the apartment we're staying in and clean up the detritus of the emergency services, alone. Then, in New Zealand we release the body quickly and we sit with them until the funeral. But here in Germany he sat on a cold metal table somewhere, I know not where, and I could not go to him, for days. It was totally utterly traumatic.

I hold no bad feelings to Germany at all, on the contrary, they have been so kind and compassionate. It's just a cultural difference that I am on the losing end of right now. If that makes sense.

So thank you all for your kind words, it does make a difference to me.

OP posts:
MyOtherProfile · 29/06/2025 20:03

I'm so sorry. It sounds utterly traumatic.

Surf2Live · 29/06/2025 20:05

Arrythmiaconfusion · 28/06/2025 16:48

So sorry OP.
Any practical things people can help with:
Translation?
Sourcing documents?
Finding documents you need?

Thank you so much. The NZ Embassy have been amazing. I have all the documentation I need (and it's a lot!)

Turns out, he was much loved and I have family and friends who have reached out and found me the help I need right now. I'm on my way back to my family in NZ who will totally envelop me in love. Then I can move from panic mode and consider the starting of grief.

OP posts:
cloudyblueglass · 29/06/2025 20:06

That sounds so utterly awfully terrible.

I really hope you get home to NZ soon so that you can just be somewhere safe and familiar and have some time to just rest fof a while

Birdsongsinging · 29/06/2025 20:21

So sorry for your loss and the trauma you have been through.

Chumsky · 29/06/2025 20:26

So so sorry OP thankyou for coming back to let us know how you are. Sending you peace & comfort in your family & loved ones. And sadness for your loss.

TakeMe2Insanity · 29/06/2025 20:46

Wishing you a peaceful return home and the strength needed to get back to your son.

CakeFace1234 · 29/06/2025 21:33

I am so sorry too for what you have experienced and been through. I am sending you so much strength for the journey ahead, back to your loved ones.

Fastingandhungry · 08/07/2025 22:37

I hope you are doing the best you can in the circumstances, was thinking about how you was today.

Denimwondersuit · 13/07/2025 03:46

@Surf2Live I’m so sorry. Hope you have a decent support network around you. Lots of love from a fellow NZer, would give you a hug in person if I could. There’s quite a good bereavement service here (nationwide one) that was excellent to me. Take care

Soulfulunfurling · 13/07/2025 04:20

I just came on to say I hope you are being well looked after op. I am so sorry this happened to you.

hellohellooo · 13/07/2025 05:17

OP I am so so sorry to read this

Gosh how awful

You are so very strong and I will be thinking of you all

Xxxxxxx

Rachie1973 · 13/07/2025 07:09

I’m so sorry for your loss. I hope you’re safe and sound in NZ now with your son x

3luckystars · 13/07/2025 07:23

I’m sorry, that’s a huge loss and very shocking for you. I hope you have good support around you when you get home x

MoreChocPls · 13/07/2025 07:34

So sorry for your update. I hope you are back in NZ and being looked after.

HerNeighbourTotoro · 13/07/2025 07:44

Im thinking of you OP, hope you are back home with your family.