Sexist comments about having daughters

[FondOfOwls]

I have two young DDs (both under 8). They are amazing and everything DH and I ever hoped for.
Neither of us had a particular preference when it came to their sex when I was pregnant: I know some people feel strongly about it, but since it’s not something you choose, we weren’t that bothered. In fact, when I was pregnant with DD2, DH really wanted to have a second girl, and I had to remind him he doesn’t get to choose!
So why, oh why, do random strangers and acquaintances deem it okay to make rude and sexist comments about my children?! An old school friend (mother of one son) randomly asked me if we’re going to try for a son ‘for my DH’. I asked, ‘Why?’ I didn’t really get an answer; my reply was, ‘No, because he’s not sexist.’
Recently, a couple of neighbours were saying how they expected a DS after having a DD to have ‘one of each’. Okay, funny thing to say as a parent, but then again I was never really bothered about it myself.
But then came a barrage of comments from the male neighbour to my DH about how he must want to have a son too: who will he play football with? Racing games? He will have to turn one of our DDs into a tomboy, etc.
Bless my DH, he just said, ‘Not really, we play racing games together already and I don’t really like football.’ I had to stop myself from saying something much more poignant.
How do people deal with these comments? We will definitely not be ‘trying for a boy’ ever; we just wanted two children, and we are super lucky to have them. For the record, I would have been equally happy if I had two DS. I just can’t believe the blatant sexism from relatively young people; I was hoping attitudes like that are dying off.

People are dumb sometimes. Just reply saying “what an odd comment” and leave them hanging.

I got exactly the same but the other way round. And I’ve got three of the same gender. Never had a preference and after miscarriages, grateful for the ones I had.
Even close friends/relatives have expressed sadness on my behalf that I won’t experience same gender offspring. Massive assumptions made about our decision to have a third being about desperation for a DD.
My three are brilliant and we are a very close family even with the additions of long term partners.

We have one DD. A friend’s mother asked us if we were going to try for a son

I suppose at least our families didn't make any rude comments and were happy for us..! I never really gave it much thought after we found out babies' sex, I find it so bizarre for anyone to comment. Neither of my kids are babies anymore either. It's almost as if those people were telling us how our children are worse because they are not boys 🙄. Years before I had children my then-boss was saying how his friends with 2DDs were looking at his 2DSs 'longingly', saying how sure he was they were jealous!!! Assumptions much!! My thought was 'It was probably because they were misbehaving!'. My boss was a right twat though.

I am one of three girls, l always say my sisters are the best gift my parents could ever have given me, we get on so well. But when l was younger l still remember vividly people asking my Dad right in front of us would be have preferred a boy?

Look, people are dumb, and can’t get beyond their own unexamined assumptions at times. My parents had three girls before they had a boy, and got loads of comments like this. They weren’t ’trying for a boy’, they were not terribly bright people who had more children than they could afford in a society where contraception was difficult to access. My father also thought it was hilarious to reference drowning us like unwanted litters in a rain barrel.🙄

I have one child, a son. I knew I wouldn’t be having another. I had absolutely no sex preferences, but my otherwise nice and sane SILs were terribly upset for me thst he was a boy. Because they’re a lot older, and their children were late teens, I hadn’t realised that they’d been obsessed with ‘getting their girl’ and had both had several boys to do this! I kept saying ‘But I’m completely happy he’s a boy’ and they would be all big, concerned eyes, patting my arm and saying ‘Oh, you’re very brave! We know how you’re feeling…’

I'm not sure that it is sexism, so much as a desire to feel that part of them lives on and therefore hoping for a child of their own sex - therefore a child of each sex so each parent has that. That's a natural human desire behind procreation - to continue living in some form. That is the purpose and why we have the instinct.

Obviously the idea that you could only play football with a son is sexist, but I don't think a desire for a daughter and son makes someone sexist. You're not a better person just because you didn't care and I don't think your judgement towards others is fair or necessary. Some might say your judgemental attitude is rude.

@SeaFloor Goodness your SILs sounds awful! I am sorry to hear about your DF's awful 'jokes' as well.

Rather a misogynistic assumption about having to turn a girl into a 'tomboy' in order for her to want to play football. I expect the same person would say a boy would 'catch the gay' if he were to show an interest in dance.

Dickheads will be dickheads, and you can't argue with stupid.

@sandrevolutionary I believe you shouldn't be having children if you only find having boy / girl acceptable, as it's not a choice. And I stand by my opinion that these were sexist comments. As it is our children are not our clones, if anything DD1 has similar interests, personality and looks to DH. The fact she is female is just one of very many things about her. People telling my husband he should be unhappy are sexist twats.

I'm one of 4 daughters and remember so clearly as a child hearing my uncle say to my dad "well Jim you'll never have to wash a dish or hoover a carpet"

He never did 🙄

Girls can play football, but that man assumed my DH likes football which is not the case! I hope his poor DS won't be into dancing with a 'D'F like this. Poor kid.

Strange people. I had two girls. One of my daughters has two girls. My mother had two girls. I don't think we have ever had those comments.

People are opposed with one of each, I have no idea why this is considered the ideal tbh. I loved having same sex and different sex siblings.

I think some people have quite rigid stereotypes & often the mum does something with the girl & the dad does something with boy. if you have more than 3 dc both parents have to get involved regardless My dad took me to ballet, sister and brother to football, another sister to karate etc, we all had different interests.

I'm not sure that it is sexism, so much as a desire to feel that part of them lives on and therefore hoping for a child of their own sex -

I am much more like my father and my son is much more like me. So how does the above work?

It’s more usual these days to see boys as the disappointment tbh - especially from women. I have boys and have lost count of the number of mums who’ve given me the sad head tilt or made stupid comments about being a “boy mum”. The worst are mums of one of each who think they’re the world’s experts on the different sexes🙄. My two boys couldn’t be more different and I feel like I’m missing nothing. I’ve just learnt to ignore them.

The odd thing is that they’re both nice people, and otherwise entirely sane.

Because they had their children long before I knew them, I had no idea that (a) they both had this ‘girl mania’ or (b), which is the really odd part, that they assumed everyone else shared it!

I think they were both quite puzzled I was visibly genuinely delighted by having a DS, and that it hadn’t made me race to have another child.

And my dad is almost certainly neurodivergent, though undiagnosed, and, because he has no idea how to do conversation, has has a terribly annoying habit of repeating things he’s heard other people say without actually thinking about what is actually being said. He clearly read or heard someone say something about drowning daughters, thought it was a witty comeback (!?) and then just trotted it out any time someone mentioned daughters.

@HeySugarSugar my brother has 2 girls and often gets it from other dads.

This might sound odd, but it's comforting to know it happens when someone has 2 or more girls as I feel this only/mainly happen with boys. It's such an odd thing to say to someone and I'd just ignore it, or come
up with a clever comment to leave them hanging. Whatever dynamic you have is wonderful. If I had a £1 for every time someone sorts of cocks their head and looks like something bad has happened when I tell them I have 2 boys... or they say "oh two boisterous boys they must be hard work". Really? Why? You've never met them! Somehow if I said to someone "wow 2 bitchy girls, what hard work" I'd be set upon

I come from a large family all with blue eyes (not something I noticed that much). But then one of my cousins married a brown eyed man. My aunt still thinks it's a shame that some of her gc don't have the family blue eyes. When I had my baby the first comment was "aren't you lucky he got your eyes". That was more important than gender! 😆

@Nearlyamumoftwo a midwife said to my mum when she was in labour she would find something blue for the cot so my dad could get a son. People are batshit!

It would be the same if you’d had boys in my experience. People just like to flap their gums.

Be happy you have daughters. You are more likely to be closer to your future grandkids. Girls all over the world are more likely to care for aging parents (not saying they should or that’s why you had kids etc).
Girls are just awesome. You will not have to worry that your kids might one day sexually assault someone else’s daughter ( I know women can rape too bla bla bla bla). If you are in America chances that your daughter ends up being a school shooter is pretty much 0. You will know 100% that your grandkids are your biological grandkids.
My favorite fact about being a mother to a daughter is that while pregnant with your daughter you were also carrying the egg that will become your grandchild.

This is for all the women with daughters who might feel less then. Notice I didn’t mention boys/sons/men once in my comment. So please don’t come at me with your exceptional boys/sons/husbands/fathers etc. I know exceptions exist.

People just talk shit. If it makes you feel better, I’ve had similar ridiculous comments about having two boys.