Sexist comments about having daughters

[FondOfOwls]

I have two young DDs (both under 8). They are amazing and everything DH and I ever hoped for.
Neither of us had a particular preference when it came to their sex when I was pregnant: I know some people feel strongly about it, but since it’s not something you choose, we weren’t that bothered. In fact, when I was pregnant with DD2, DH really wanted to have a second girl, and I had to remind him he doesn’t get to choose!
So why, oh why, do random strangers and acquaintances deem it okay to make rude and sexist comments about my children?! An old school friend (mother of one son) randomly asked me if we’re going to try for a son ‘for my DH’. I asked, ‘Why?’ I didn’t really get an answer; my reply was, ‘No, because he’s not sexist.’
Recently, a couple of neighbours were saying how they expected a DS after having a DD to have ‘one of each’. Okay, funny thing to say as a parent, but then again I was never really bothered about it myself.
But then came a barrage of comments from the male neighbour to my DH about how he must want to have a son too: who will he play football with? Racing games? He will have to turn one of our DDs into a tomboy, etc.
Bless my DH, he just said, ‘Not really, we play racing games together already and I don’t really like football.’ I had to stop myself from saying something much more poignant.
How do people deal with these comments? We will definitely not be ‘trying for a boy’ ever; we just wanted two children, and we are super lucky to have them. For the record, I would have been equally happy if I had two DS. I just can’t believe the blatant sexism from relatively young people; I was hoping attitudes like that are dying off.

I have 3 girls and get the same comments. My friend has 4 boys and gets the same comments. I dont think its gender specific, people just expect that everyone wants the typical nuclear family, one of each and if you dont get that then you cant possibly be happy. Youre never going to be able to stop people making these comments, so you just have to decide how you're going to handle it. Ignore them or come up with a smart response that will shut people up.
Unfortunately alot of people just dont think before they speak. A manager at my work told me twins were her absolute worst nightmare, the day I came back from maternity leave with my twins. Iv also had multiple people ask me if im pregnant in the last couple of years when im not. You're always going to get these types of people that just dont care about hurting others feelings.

I have two boys. Mine are all grown up now and people still feel desperately sorry for me for not having had girls, even when I went to see my GP about getting sterilised he asked ‘wouldn’t you like to try for a girl’ A family member even cried when I had my second boy! It’s bizzare, it’s never crossed my mind to be ‘disappointed’ a child is a child. People are strange, it’s best to ignore them.

This is interesting cause I see a lot of gender disappointment posts from women who are having boys and seem devastated which has always blown my mind, like how can a parent care that much about their babies genitals? They go on and on like they dont know how to parent boys and always imagined this angelic girl and I find it all so ridiculous and a bit offensive.

I'm pregnant with my 2nd son and got so many comments along the lines of us being disappointed and the pity face that comes along with it. Why on earth would I be disappointed that I'm having another gorgeous, loving, perfect baby boy.

How rude. I’m so sorry you’re hearing this sort of nonsense. Two daughters is a gorgeous thing.

A friend had two boys and got the same ‘are you going to try for a girl’. My DH had two boys already (and five brothers) so was quite keen on having a girl! We had a boy then a girl.
But I see those gender reveal clips on TikTok and you can tell the men are a bit low key when it’s a girl but jump around like mad things when it’s a boy…

My dh is one of 4 boys, no sisters, used to be a very keen rugby player, isn’t mad about football, and has always been very happy with our 2 dds. I think he looks back to the many reckless things he did when younger, and used to think girls would never be so bloody stupid!

IMO it can be cultural thing, though. Very soon after the birth of dd2, dh bought me a lovely ring (I’d never had an engagement ring.)
A non Brit neighbour from a culture where boys were certainly preferred, took one look at my ring and said, ‘You got that for a GIRL??’

this is a seriously sexist comment. Future grandkids ? Um yeh. Ridiculous comment.

If it helps, we have one boy, which we're probably sticking to.

The number of times I get "sympathy" comments by telling me that girls are awful is unbelievable!

Some people don't realise that saying nothing is an option.

I get this a lot but the other way around, I've got two boys. We want a 3rd and know that people will comment that are we trying for a boy and be /think we are disappointed if it is another boy. Id love another baby and I'm not bothered which sex it is. My in-laws are terrible for it.

I don’t think it’s sexiest to ask if you want a boy when you already have a girl. I think they’re just making conversation and trying to be interested in your pregnancy. Not everything is about sexism.

I have 2 boys and get it a lot from other women. People are obsessed with one of each. I’ve been asked if I will try for a girl. Ds2 isn’t even 8 months yet

I completely agree. It’s not rude or judgemental on your part at all. I have three daughters so I’m no stranger to these comments and on a slightly different note my babies have often been called boys if they’re not wearing all pink. These gender-related stereotypes and assumptions are outdated now. Gender is very much just one of many many things that make up a person. I teach my daughters to like whatever they want regardless of what society expects and I teach them that it’s okay for boys to like what is deemed as feminine. Gender stereotypes frustrate me, but, back on topic: my family isn’t ruined because I have no sons. I’m sure I’ll receive many more ignorant comments and sympathy for not having a son..

Yes. I have 2 sons and people assume I'm pinning for a girl. In fact I wanted boys tbh 😂 I'd have a 3rd if a boy was a guarantee- but it's not! People are odd

Sexist for pointing out all the positives of having daughters? I’m sure there are positives to having sons I just can’t bothered to think of them since I don’t have sons. Half the world aborts girls and is sexist towards humans born as females. Male humans run this world and you wanna call me sexist because I’m not bowing down to penis as well. If it’s your thing knock yourself out. But I stand with the underdogs and in this case it’s girls.

You're being over the top here.

Mums of sons get exactly the same comments.

How did you even bring yourself to go near a penis to have children if you feel so strongly about men/boys

I have 2 boys and don’t want anymore children. It gets pretty tiring hearing “I bet you want a girl” or “when are you having a girl” (like if I wanted a 3rd child I’d be able to choose anyway)

Best was from SIL. In between DS1 and DS2 I sadly had a miscarriage. Not long after, I fell pregnant again (with DS2) When I found out he was a boy, she said “I bet you can’t have girls” 🤨

I hope your “future grandchildren” (if you have any) aren’t boys. For your daughter’s sakes. And don’t act all coy saying you didn’t mention boys. We all know what you meant. And for the record I come from a family of all girls. Underdog indeed.

Don’t think it’s particularly sexist, I have 3 boys and got loads of comments when they were young about how awful it must be for me! People still think that the “ideal” family is 2 children one boy , one girl just smile and ignore them!

I'm happy that my life doesn't hinge on your hope. As for a grandson there is something called IVF for those who can afford it.

Not acting coy and yes I didn’t mention the male sex. What’s your effing point. As for ‘knowing’ what I meant you can only speak for YOURSELF. There’s not a single person on this planet you can speak for so just drop the WE as if you have a hoard of mothers rallying behind you.

I don’t give a crap about your family. Don’t care how many girls, boys or dogs y'all have.

Don’t worry OP, parents of “just boys” get the same comments. Plus the assumption from some women that boys want to ogle them and their daughters, because they have a penis and therefore must be creepy perverts.

I have one of each.

One would think someone alive in 2025 would know that there are other methods of becoming a parent without a penis. I mean how do you think lesbians have babies, gay couples, infertile women. As for my husband like I said there are few exceptions.

We have two sons. We’re 100% done at two children and, like you, we were never fussed about what sex they would be. However, we frequently get the “But, do YOU not want a girl” (with wide eyed looks thrown at me). Nope, we’re very happy with our two boys, thanks.

you sound very angry. What are you talking about ivf for ? What has that got to do with anything. You sound unhinged.

They too can come up with a million reasons why sons are ‘better’ than girls. I ain’t stopping anyone from aborting their daughters and trying for sons.
let me get you started since you seem so hurt by my comment. Your sons will never be left pregnant and alone by someone else’s daughter. They can always pack up their stuff and move on if they don’t wanna take care of their responsibilities.