Sexist comments about having daughters

[FondOfOwls]

I have two young DDs (both under 8). They are amazing and everything DH and I ever hoped for.
Neither of us had a particular preference when it came to their sex when I was pregnant: I know some people feel strongly about it, but since it’s not something you choose, we weren’t that bothered. In fact, when I was pregnant with DD2, DH really wanted to have a second girl, and I had to remind him he doesn’t get to choose!
So why, oh why, do random strangers and acquaintances deem it okay to make rude and sexist comments about my children?! An old school friend (mother of one son) randomly asked me if we’re going to try for a son ‘for my DH’. I asked, ‘Why?’ I didn’t really get an answer; my reply was, ‘No, because he’s not sexist.’
Recently, a couple of neighbours were saying how they expected a DS after having a DD to have ‘one of each’. Okay, funny thing to say as a parent, but then again I was never really bothered about it myself.
But then came a barrage of comments from the male neighbour to my DH about how he must want to have a son too: who will he play football with? Racing games? He will have to turn one of our DDs into a tomboy, etc.
Bless my DH, he just said, ‘Not really, we play racing games together already and I don’t really like football.’ I had to stop myself from saying something much more poignant.
How do people deal with these comments? We will definitely not be ‘trying for a boy’ ever; we just wanted two children, and we are super lucky to have them. For the record, I would have been equally happy if I had two DS. I just can’t believe the blatant sexism from relatively young people; I was hoping attitudes like that are dying off.

Are you ok honestly ? I think you may need some psychological help or something

Absolutely ridiculous comment. Move along now.

Mmm yeh. You sound like you need help. Your poor “exceptional” husband

I was horrified to find out that DC #4 that we had been trying for one of the opposite!!

Erm no we were thrilled to be having a 4th of the same sex!

You were the one who hoped my daughter doesn’t give me grandsons to which I replied if she wanted to avoid sons IVF is an option. Jfc reading comprehension much.

I’m ok dear. Thanks for asking.

I’ve had these comments a few times as well, it’s really strange. It doesn’t bother me though, I love having two girls and it’s never occurred to me that having a boy would be “better”.

Right . Ok.
You are saying I bow down to penis because I find your comments sexist . I suggest you look up the definition of sexism. You don’t seem to have a clue. And your comments are really really nasty as well.”I don’t give a crap about your family”. Um no need for it like.

Yes he is truly exceptional. Would have been a single mother by choice if he hadn’t come along. But go on and tell me more about your pity for my husband.

Gender section for ivf is illegal in the uk for a reason. Unless in very specific genetic cases.

I must also add that where I live sex selection ivf is illegal and for good reason. But if you approve of that crack on. Doesn’t surprise me from your posts.i don’t give a “crap” about your husband tbh.

We have one of each and as we are adopters we could theoretically have chosen (but you'd be stupid to because you'd be ruling out half the possible matches). As our two are birth siblings, and we were asked to adopt no 2 when it became plain that birth mum was sadly not in any better place in that pregnancy, we'd also have potentially been saying no to a sibling who'd find out we didn't want one of their sex AND risk scans being wrong and having to say that at birth!

But interestingly friends I made when DC1 was a baby mainly wanted one of each and got two of the same sex... except me and a good friend who both couldn't care less and got one of each. Karma eh?

nothing stops anyone from hoping the border and doing it where it is legal. I know several Indians and Asians who went back to their home countries to do it.

I think this needs repeating. SOMETHING BEING ILLEGAL DOEN’T MAKE IT IMPOSSIBLE. JFC MURDER IS ILLEGAL SO IS THEFT (though I wouldn’t expect a country that colonized half the world to understand what theft really means).

As for my husband I’m glad we are on the same page. You don’t give a crap about my husband and I don’t give a crap about yours. It’s all good. I mean no one really gives a crap about anyone who isn’t family. So yeah. Keep not giving a crap I’m all for it.

Did I say anywhere I had a husband ?

by the way I’m not from the uk so what country are you talking about that colonised half the world. I’m actually from a former uk colony, are you actually thick or something ?

My point is that sex selection didn’t immediately spring to mind when you mentioned IVF because it’s not something common where I live as it’s illegal. So excuse my confusion. I still don’t really get it though. Like is that something you would suggest to your daughter to avoid a grandson ? Actually don’t even bother answering. I can’t be arsed continuing a conversation with you.

I have 2 DS. I had awful pregnancies with both. Hyperemisis and Obstetric Cholstasis with my first and ended up in an emergency c-section under general. Then with my 2nd I had both conditions again plus SPD. I had a planned C-Section with him and my consultant wanted to sterilise me but I asked for time to let the hormones ease off and be sure I was making the right decision. I chose sterilisation and had the op when I was 26. The amount of 'but surly you want to try for a girl' comments I got was unreal- some from close family- I like you never had a preference to what gender we had and with 2 such high risk pregnancies I will always be grateful to have 2 healthy children. I still sometimes get the odd comment about not having a girl but as times gone on it really doesn't bother me. My family is mostly male (I'm the only girl with several brothers) out of 11 kids between me & my sibilings there is 3 girls 8 boys. So chances of me having a girl if I tried for the 3rd time seeed highly unlikely anyway. I am extremely happy with the family I have and have never felt like im missing out.

Honestly, take no notice - people can be ignorant and thoughtless! You're happy with your family and that's all that matters. I had 5 boys so you can just imagine the kind of comments I got. I'm very happy with my large family of men but would have been equally happy with daughters. I just don't worry about what anyone else thinks!

I'm going to controversially say that one DS and one DD may not be as close as 2DDs. I can't stand my DB at times 😆

Yes I agree with this.

My 2 friends had a boy then a girl and constantly moan about the fact they aren't close.

They both have siblings of the same sex and assumed their children would feel the same.

My DDs get on very well so far, so fingers crossed they won't hate each other, at least not all the time. I talk to my 'D'B twice a year. I have a better relationship with DSIL. I know it's a bit of a lottery though!

Don’t take it personally and just keep gently putting these people back in their boxes. Most often they don’t mean to be be rude, it’s just old fashioned learned behaviour after hearing their parents / grandparents say similar, and lazy basic conversation as they haven’t thought of anything more meaningful to say. What might have been normal and acceptable decades ago is not necessarily so today, however some people’s vocabulary and mindset fail to progress accordingly as society moves on !

Some people still think like that. A son to carry the family name and all the other bullshit. It’s even more mind boggling when it comes from women.

That being said , it can actually be a thing. I know two families with a higher than average number of kids with the last one being a boy. Could be a coincidence of course, and they always wanted 5/6 kids.

This

These comments really grate on me! I am the oldest of 4 girls. Do I need to trade in one of my sisters for a brother?!?! I now have 3 girls of my own. My husband is such a good girl dad, he teaches them arsenal players names, climbs trees with them, builds dens, they love watching Minecraft and Sonic with him, one of them loves Mario, and he also gets dolls out and role plays with them, knows Taylor Swift songs and even has an occasional face mask with them!

Between my first and second daughter, I lost a pregnancy at 21 weeks. He was a boy. So it annoys me even more when people say “oh do you wish you had a boy” and I have to bite my tongue a lot instead of saying “well I should have had one but he died” 🙄

I never ever comment on genders.

My sister has 3 sons. She and her husband have had plenty of stupid comments over the years.
I've got twin girls and had lots of stupid comments over the years, both around having twins AND them being girls.
I've never really paid much attention to other people's daft questions or assumptions (although I was a tad put out by a woman asking me which was the evil twin when they were babes in arms 😳).