Holiday dilemma with DC

[Timepoorandpoor]

Only one of my children sees their dad (lots of reasons) and he is inevitably taking that one abroad for a holiday in the summer.

My other children have not had a holiday in many years due to finances.

They are pushing to go abroad whilst DC1 is away with their dad. I have looked and it does bring the price down to “affordable” but it’s sitting really wrong with me.

I feel like I’m saying to that DC1 that I’ve waited until they’ve gone and booked something nice. I know DC1 would love to come on holiday with us all and I think would be incredibly hurt by this (she’s 8) as her relationship with her siblings can be strained due to her volatile behaviour at times and she would feel we’d left her out.

If I’m honest I’m torn with guilt whatever I do. I feel like if I can’t afford for everyone then we don’t go, but in reality I can’t afford for everyone to go.

I feel shit over the holiday situation in general anyway.

How often does DC1 go away with their dad? Is this a one off or does she go every year?

Of course you can’t go away without one of your kids!

She went last summer for 10 days, has had a couple of mini weekends and obviously this one coming up

The alternative is that only one of them has a holiday again.

This, would you hide it from her till you'd been?

How old are your other children? I assume young if dc1 is 8.
At that age they don't get a say and shouldn't be 'pushing' to go away.
I'd save and take everyone together, be that next year or the year after.

Any holiday or an abroad holiday? If it's about a holiday wouldn't they be happy with the 3 of you and a caravan?

I put DC1 as it’s the one I’m talking about. The other two are older, mid teens.

My exh refused to allow our dc to come anywhere with me and younger dc... I still took them away

To be honest, a holiday in the UK isn’t much cheaper!

Ultimately myself and other two DC haven’t had any form of holiday in several years.

This DC has and I am aware that there isn’t a good solution for it. She gets nice holidays from him and the others don’t get any holiday at all.

Like I said, I’m of the mindset that it’s all of us or none, but I can see where the other two are coming from!

Ah, that is more tricky. Can you go somewhere abroad where an extra child doesn't put the cost up?
E.g. drive and a cottage, so 4 costs same as 3?

So was there a time when her dad was in all your lives and. holidays were had?

Yes. We were married and they are all our children.
However, stuff happened and two have chosen not to see him.
Youngest has no choice (Court)

I understand where you’re coming from but equally it doesn’t seem fair that the other dc miss out while one is abroad with her dad. I get the guilt, I still have it doing things with my youngest while the eldest is at their dads. But I have to remind myself that they are having a good time away from us and life can’t stop for my other child in the time that their older sibling isn’t here because that isn’t fair either.

If you can afford for 3 of you this year, then can you put that money plus save some extra, and then all go somewhere next year?

So she doesn't want to go on holiday, they could but choose not to?
Absolutely you then cannot take them on holiday within her!!

It’s much much cheaper to go away in the U.K., do that.

This is kind of what the other two DC are saying. The youngest is lavished with stuff, as it’s my exs way of “showing us all” and teaching the eldest ones a lesson for not seeing him.

It’s more my feelings. I feel shit really most of the time. Financially he doesn’t support them (long story and every payment avenue has been exhausted) and I am financially responsible for them all, then he sweeps in with a holiday, which I can’t afford because I’m feeding everyone and buying uniforms.

I just want to be fair and not feel guilty with it

I suspect she does want to go! She’d just rather go with us

Its much cheaper to go away self catering in this country, airbnb or caravan type holiday, another thread recently we were finding places for about 5-700 for the week

Not sure what you were budgeting for. You could probably find cheaper if you went up north, east coast or something.

Take all the kids.

Well let her go and enjoy herself, don't make her feel guilty that you and her siblings aren't happy about it.
She has her own relationship with him and it's not fair to have your feelings impact on this.
You liked him enough to procreate 3 times, don't give her a hard time for liking him as her dad.

Why not do something with the teens that you would not really get to do with an 8 year old, whilst she is away. Midweek Village hotels in the UK have good deals and go near a theme park, or somewhere lively like Bournemouth, Blackpool, North Wales. Depends what your teens like. Alternatively do a real last min holiday when they go super cheap/groupon?. I don't think that your 8 year old can complain if she is already away.Also holidays are very unaffordable this year if you have to pay for it 😔 alone, especially school holidays. The poor(comparatively) are basically stuffed which ever way you look at it!

Can you just explain exactly how you got to that statement?

Please show me where I said “I don’t like him” or “I don’t want her to have a relationship with him”

I haven’t made her feel guilty, suggested she doesn’t go or talked about this to her, so I am not quite sure how you’ve made that leap.

Just a quick check on Sykes cottages, for 2 bed properties anywhere, loads coming up from 450 quid. Mostly Cumbria at the moment as Im only 2 pages in.

Obviously it would be more expensive if you need more bedrooms

This was my alternative. I had thought a few treats that the youngest wouldn’t enjoy, like the theatre and maybe an overnight somewhere.

It’s shit being poor. No matter how much I try to better myself financially, three children with no financial help is hard and mostly I don’t care, but I don’t know anyone who doesn’t go away. The kids friends (richer parents) are always away and you do feel like a failure