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Original poster

Holiday dilemma with DC

142 replies

Timepoorandpoor · 29/05/2025 21:10

Only one of my children sees their dad (lots of reasons) and he is inevitably taking that one abroad for a holiday in the summer.

My other children have not had a holiday in many years due to finances.

They are pushing to go abroad whilst DC1 is away with their dad. I have looked and it does bring the price down to “affordable” but it’s sitting really wrong with me.

I feel like I’m saying to that DC1 that I’ve waited until they’ve gone and booked something nice. I know DC1 would love to come on holiday with us all and I think would be incredibly hurt by this (she’s 8) as her relationship with her siblings can be strained due to her volatile behaviour at times and she would feel we’d left her out.

If I’m honest I’m torn with guilt whatever I do. I feel like if I can’t afford for everyone then we don’t go, but in reality I can’t afford for everyone to go.

I feel shit over the holiday situation in general anyway.

OP posts:
Original poster
Timepoorandpoor · 29/05/2025 21:50

soupyspoon · 29/05/2025 21:47

Just a quick check on Sykes cottages, for 2 bed properties anywhere, loads coming up from 450 quid. Mostly Cumbria at the moment as Im only 2 pages in.

Obviously it would be more expensive if you need more bedrooms

I haven’t looked into the UK at the moment.

Ive spent the last week musing over what to do

OP posts:
CaptainFuture · 29/05/2025 21:51

Timepoorandpoor · 29/05/2025 21:25

To be honest, a holiday in the UK isn’t much cheaper!

Ultimately myself and other two DC haven’t had any form of holiday in several years.

This DC has and I am aware that there isn’t a good solution for it. She gets nice holidays from him and the others don’t get any holiday at all.

Like I said, I’m of the mindset that it’s all of us or none, but I can see where the other two are coming from!

Show quote history

can you just explain exactly how you got to that statement?

Well this?.. but I can see you're another poster who doesn't want to see anything other than... 'he's a bastard....,.poor you'

GranTeton4 · 29/05/2025 21:54

You cant leave on of your children out, horribly unfair... its not their fault they have a better father then your other children.

Also if taking the kids abroad is just about affordable with 2 of them only then why cant you save for a year and take all 3?

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Families
Original poster
Timepoorandpoor · 29/05/2025 21:55

CaptainFuture · 29/05/2025 21:51

can you just explain exactly how you got to that statement?

Well this?.. but I can see you're another poster who doesn't want to see anything other than... 'he's a bastard....,.poor you'

Show quote history

Can you explain where on that post I said any of what you are saying I said?

This wasn’t about him, it was about my feelings of guilt over what to do…..but yeah, thanks for your somewhat bizarre input. It’s been really useful.

OP posts:
Original poster
Timepoorandpoor · 29/05/2025 21:56

GranTeton4 · 29/05/2025 21:54

You cant leave on of your children out, horribly unfair... its not their fault they have a better father then your other children.

Also if taking the kids abroad is just about affordable with 2 of them only then why cant you save for a year and take all 3?

He is the father of all three. I have explained this a couple of times.
Various situations happened and the older ones were able to elect not to see him.

OP posts:
CaptainFuture · 29/05/2025 21:57

Timepoorandpoor · 29/05/2025 21:55

Can you explain where on that post I said any of what you are saying I said?

This wasn’t about him, it was about my feelings of guilt over what to do…..but yeah, thanks for your somewhat bizarre input. It’s been really useful.

Show quote history

You are very welcome! 😘

soupyspoon · 29/05/2025 21:58

Timepoorandpoor · 29/05/2025 21:50

I haven’t looked into the UK at the moment.

Ive spent the last week musing over what to do

Show quote history

Whats your budget?

Im an excellent holiday finder!

Crispsanddips25 · 29/05/2025 22:02

Oh this is hard! I think you’re right, it’s not really okay to leave your little one out, but then it’s also not fair on the older two.. the only way I can see it working is if you’re going somewhere she wouldn’t want to go that’s only appropriate for the older ones, then you maybe do a weekend with just her to ‘even it out’?

Original poster
Timepoorandpoor · 29/05/2025 22:04

soupyspoon · 29/05/2025 21:58

Whats your budget?

Im an excellent holiday finder!

Show quote history

It’s really low!
holidays for the 4 of us (it’s quite specific when we can go unfortunately with school and her dads time) are coming in mid 2k for something 2 star!
When I took it down to 3 of us the same places were 1.5k.

I think I’m going to have to book for next year, or wait until the last minute and just get a very late deal!

OP posts:
Seventree · 29/05/2025 22:05

You absolutely cannot exclude one of your children from a family holiday.

What happens with her dad is irrelevant. It wouldn't matter if she had a different dad, your time and finances should be split equally, but it's even more clear cut since they share a father. Either he's fine, in which case it's a natural consequence for your older children who have chosen not to have a relationship with him. Or he's awful, in which case your daughter is being forced to spend time with a rubbish dad. Either way she shouldn't be punished for it.

Original poster
Timepoorandpoor · 29/05/2025 22:05

CaptainFuture · 29/05/2025 21:57

You are very welcome! 😘

Show quote history

You certainly solved all my problems, and projected some of yours too!

OP posts:
MargaretThursday · 29/05/2025 22:06

I think I would. But book it, don't tell any of them and present it as a surprise after she's gone and be back a couple of days before her so it's not in her face.

When she's back do a couple of days out just with her to give her special time with you.

GranTeton4 · 29/05/2025 22:06

Timepoorandpoor · 29/05/2025 21:56

He is the father of all three. I have explained this a couple of times.
Various situations happened and the older ones were able to elect not to see him.

Show quote history

If your youngest is court ordered then she has no choice in going on these holidays so no you shouldn't leave her out.

Save up and go next year.

CaptainFuture · 29/05/2025 22:06

Timepoorandpoor · 29/05/2025 22:05

You certainly solved all my problems, and projected some of yours too!

Show quote history

Glad to be of service marm!

GranTeton4 · 29/05/2025 22:07

MargaretThursday · 29/05/2025 22:06

I think I would. But book it, don't tell any of them and present it as a surprise after she's gone and be back a couple of days before her so it's not in her face.

When she's back do a couple of days out just with her to give her special time with you.

So purposely lie to her about going on holiday and leaving her out as shes court ordered to see her dad?

Original poster
Timepoorandpoor · 29/05/2025 22:10

Seventree · 29/05/2025 22:05

You absolutely cannot exclude one of your children from a family holiday.

What happens with her dad is irrelevant. It wouldn't matter if she had a different dad, your time and finances should be split equally, but it's even more clear cut since they share a father. Either he's fine, in which case it's a natural consequence for your older children who have chosen not to have a relationship with him. Or he's awful, in which case your daughter is being forced to spend time with a rubbish dad. Either way she shouldn't be punished for it.

I’m not punishing her. I haven’t spoken to her about it, tried to stop her going, discussed us going away without her or done anything like that.

I am just throwing out what the elder two asked for and I said on my first post that my mindset was we all go away or we don’t go.

I came on here to see if anyone had thoughts on it because I feel bad for someone whatever I do.

On the other hand, should the elder two be punished because they chose not to see their father due to his actions towards them?

There isn’t a way to keep them all happy. Someone is upset whatever I do.

OP posts:
SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 29/05/2025 22:11

Would your 8 year old understand if you explained that her siblings haven’t had a holiday in ages, while her dad has taken her on holidays, so you are thinking of taking the other two for a holiday while she is abroad with her dad, @Timepoorandpoor?

My heart goes out to you - you are in a really tough situation, and I don’t think there is one perfect answer. But my heart also goes out to your older two dc, who are being treated so unkindly by their father - they deserve a holiday too.

Tiredofwhataboutery · 29/05/2025 22:11

Ah op I know where you are coming from. My ex took the dc on a cruise and skiing. I can’t even afford a weekend away. I feel like I have to remind them that I do all the boring sloggy bits, ferrying to activities, school bags, music practice, uniforms for which they should be grateful.

I love you and all that you do is a line we use. I’d try and find a way to take them all abroad. Are the teens old enough for a part time job/ babysitting etc maybe they could help save towards a holiday fund?

Original poster
Timepoorandpoor · 29/05/2025 22:15

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 29/05/2025 22:11

Would your 8 year old understand if you explained that her siblings haven’t had a holiday in ages, while her dad has taken her on holidays, so you are thinking of taking the other two for a holiday while she is abroad with her dad, @Timepoorandpoor?

My heart goes out to you - you are in a really tough situation, and I don’t think there is one perfect answer. But my heart also goes out to your older two dc, who are being treated so unkindly by their father - they deserve a holiday too.

Basically I will feel shit whatever I do.

I don’t want to go without my youngest, as it feels wrong to me and not a family holiday. My guilt would be horrendous, however my guilt in general is also horrendous, and the elder two will be sat at home knowing the youngest is off on an all inclusive holiday somewhere hot.

I want them all to be happy

OP posts:
CopperWhite · 29/05/2025 22:15

Considering the age gap and difference in things you can do with teens compared to an 8yo, and the particularly shitty time the elder two have had with their dad, I would take them away. It wouldn’t be right in all circumstances but you can easily justify it here.

Original poster
Timepoorandpoor · 29/05/2025 22:16

I also think the 8 year old would be really upset.

They all want to spend time with me and if she had to chose she’d go with us.

OP posts:
GranTeton4 · 29/05/2025 22:16

Timepoorandpoor · 29/05/2025 22:15

Basically I will feel shit whatever I do.

I don’t want to go without my youngest, as it feels wrong to me and not a family holiday. My guilt would be horrendous, however my guilt in general is also horrendous, and the elder two will be sat at home knowing the youngest is off on an all inclusive holiday somewhere hot.

I want them all to be happy

Show quote history

Save up and go next year then?

Or take a interest free credit card out and pay it off over the next year...

soupyspoon · 29/05/2025 22:16

Timepoorandpoor · 29/05/2025 22:04

It’s really low!
holidays for the 4 of us (it’s quite specific when we can go unfortunately with school and her dads time) are coming in mid 2k for something 2 star!
When I took it down to 3 of us the same places were 1.5k.

I think I’m going to have to book for next year, or wait until the last minute and just get a very late deal!

Show quote history

Are you joking!

Where in the UK would you be happy with. There are self catering cottages with 3 bedrooms, sleep 5 easily for 6-700 quid. Im looking at them now as Im obsessed with looking at holidays.

You dont need to be spending money like that!!!

This is first week of August by the way, tell me where and when in the UK

RobinEllacotStrike · 29/05/2025 22:17

This sounds super tough op.

I don’t have any solution but just wanted to offer some sympathy- it can be really tough being a single parent sometimes.

I hope you find a solution that works
💐

Crispsanddips25 · 29/05/2025 22:17

I wouldn’t normally say this, but would it make a huge price difference to miss a few days of school?