What fairly normal things do you not let your DC do?

[Mayflyoff]

I won't let my DC have candles, my 14 yo is not impressed. I also don't let them go on fairground rides, though I'm OK with permanent rides at theme parks. Are there things you don't let your DC do, that their friends seem to do?

No fizzy drinks.
Long-sleeved tops and hats on the beach.

Ive got a 6ft 2” fourteen year old nephew! The thought of him sitting on a booster seat is hilarious! 🤣

@ShiftySquirrel my eldest will be 17 in September. The whole driving thing terrifies me and delights me in equal measure (I spend so many hours driving him to distant hobbies with no feasible, rural public transport).

I'm not a fan of tattoos either, but why do you think you have the right to stop them once they are adults (ie over 18)?

No burgers from a burger van (DH bought one for DS1 once, and it was a wild moment in his childhood).

No touching the buttons on crossings with your fingers-cover your fingers with your clothes or use your elbow.
No rock, no fairground rides (theme parks are OK) and candyfloss only at the circus.

Sweets, fizzy drinks, squash, screens, macdonalds/kfc/BK et al, whole grapes, fat on bacon, shoes upstairs, toys in the living room, TV in bedroom, phones overnight for teens, playing out in the street (younger ones) lollipops, shit food, not eating fruit/veg, sleepovers for primary age, no helmets when cycling/scooting/skating, and most definately no baby holding a phone in the pram 😆

😂

Apparently I’m an awful mum for not allowing a trampoline - I might show DD this thread!
We also don’t allow:
Gaming of any kind
YouTube on handheld devices (can be watched on the living room TV)
Smartphones
Food anywhere but the kitchen or dining room
Shoes upstairs
’Hanging out’ in the park/village centre - but DD knows she can have anyone back to ours pretty much any time

It's hard. I was an ed psych then family therapist/psychologist in CAMHS and I worked with both child and adult victims at various times. I had to work to find a healthy balance between managing my own fears and also giving my kids the opportunities they needed to develop socially, build friendships and be included in things, especially because of being ND. I had to model a balanced approach for my patients as well, because overprotective, fearful and trauma driven parenting was often at the root of very anxious children and family conflict. But the traumas they brought definitely affected the way I saw the world too, so it was hard even for someone who was just vicariously affected.

The no play-dates ones are really sad.

I’m clearly quite chill 🤣 mine are:

• No Roblox (and chat functioned turned off on all games)
• No screens in church (they can read or colour) or when eating out. I occasionally relax the latter if it’s a long adult-focused meal but only once the DC have totally finished eating and the adults are lingering for ages over wine and coffee
• Strict limits on gaming/YouTube of 30 mins a day (I am much more relaxed about general TV/films but they have to take turns as I think it’s important to not always have your first choice and to tolerate someone else’s)
• Not saying ‘huh?’. Irrational hatred of mine, makes them sound dim.
• Around water I am very strict about the adults taking turns to be fully ‘on’ watching the DC on a rotating basis so everyone gets a break. I’m anxious about drowning happening when all of the adults are 90% watching and the 10%s combine.

I don’t think I am too mad…

DC are 8 and 6 if it’s relevant

This place really is stark raving mad 😜

14 year olds in booster seats? No burgers from a food truck? Ear piercings being considered mutilations? No screens unless travelling?

And then they're thrown out at 18 or else it's a failure to launch 😅

I don’t think it’s silly.
You’re looking after their teeth well 👍

I can’t imagine trying to tell a 29 year old adult that they can’t have a tattoo 😂

Although my (adult) sister hid all 4 of her tattoos from our mum because she couldn’t be arsed to deal with the sanctimony over it.

😂

Play Fortnite at the age of 8.

My 14 yo (daughter) is 5 inches taller than me!

Good lord............And the next thread will be wondering why our dc don't have social skills, independent thoughts and mental health problems!
Absolutely crazy!

Not allowed phones past 9.30 in the bedroom.
i can’t fathom buying from bake sales as you just have no idea about the people cooking so mine have never bought from a bake sale.

Physical mutilation 😀 heard it all now. I do think best left until 10’minimum so they can look after them themselves

Dear god!! 🙀

I'm shocked at most of these replies.

My kids were allowed to do all of these things except candles, swearing and ear piercing before secondary school.

I allowed them to drink and meet up with their mates in the local park.

The oldest is a social worker, middle one is working abroad with a successful career and youngest girl has just travelled South East Asia by herself at 20.

They are well rounded, popular adults with healthy boundaries, who eat grapes ;)

I do feel sorry for some youngsters today when they end up in the real world.

Edited to add - they weren’t allowed phones in their rooms after 9pm in the evening (until they were 16).

I don’t think a 14 year old in a booster seat is that ridiculous if they’re short. The law requires a booster seat until 135cm, or 12 yrs old, whichever comes first. So you could have a 14 year old below the cm rule - is it safe because just they’re over 12, despite being below the height restriction?

Agree it’s bonkers. Poor kids. The neuroticism and fear based parenting will be more damaging for them in the long run.

This thread is a bit upsetting really. Sounds like there are a lot of children out there being denied some of the most enjoyable aspects of childhood (playdates, sleepovers).

I wasn't allowed sleepovers either (not because my parents were excessively protective but for other reasons I won't go into) - it made me really unhappy at times, , and to be honest I regret it to this day.

I would say to anybody posting anything at all on here, please explore whether your restrictions are in fact reasonable, or a product of your excessive paranoia/anxiety, that could be treated by counselling/medication.

Robbing children of normal developmental experiences can in extreme cases be very harmful to them (in fact in the extremest can be a form of abuse).. More commonly, you are just robbing them of opportunities to be happy because of your own anxiety/need to control.

When it's something like a candle, if you genuinely can't trust your 14 year old not to be safe with a candle (assuming no additional needs), then further intervention is surely needed to build said child's independent living skills - simply banning candles seems to be ignoring the glaring issue - sticking a small plaster on a gaping wound!

No TV in their rooms and no phones at the table. They got dumb phones at 13 but had to leave them in a bucket at the door. They’re 30 plus now. God knows how I would cope with DC now, I think it must be very hard.