What fairly normal things do you not let your DC do?

[Mayflyoff]

I won't let my DC have candles, my 14 yo is not impressed. I also don't let them go on fairground rides, though I'm OK with permanent rides at theme parks. Are there things you don't let your DC do, that their friends seem to do?

Ha, those were my thoughts exactly. Maybe there was a round of applause from somewhere too.

Some of these seem really arbitrary and others seem to be so over-anxious. The risks of not allowing your child to have normal childhood experiences because of your anxiety are so much higher than the risks of some of these things.

I would only put a rule in place if I had a strong justification for it. Some of them were/are:

• No solids before 6 months (NHS and NCT guidance)
• Rear-facing in car until she outgrew the weight limit (aged 5) (All car safety guidelines agree)
• No TVs in bedrooms (disruptive to sleep patterns and no reason why they can't watch TV in the living room whenever they want to)
• No games consoles (this one is probably my least reasonable, but I have just seen too many children become addicted to Xboxes and Play Stations and become obsessed with inappropriate games for their age. Computers and tablets are fine because they have plenty of other uses and they need to learn to use them for education and work.)
• Any phones/devices regularly checked by an adult for safety- friends to be made aware that parents might read messages (worked in online child sexual abuse prevention and know how important it is to know what your child is exposed to online)

Everything else is a case-by-case basis. Just because I'd say no to a playdate with a family who smoke like chimneys indoors, own an out of control dog and are always swearing at their kids doesn't mean I need to ban all playdates.

@drspouse i think you may be underestimating the sheer amount of online stuff that comes with High School - most schools use some form of app to give homework (both of mine are on teams) maths homework is invariably Sparx maths (all schools around here are) which is also online. And then bbc bitesize etc and the use of tablets etc at schools

both mine use their iPads for the majority of their schoolwork now

I knew a mum who would not let her child go on a play date unless she knew that they would be no gardener, cleaner or delivery people arriving that day. Perhaps she’s on this thread…

I can guarantee that some of you will bring up anxious young adults, who can’t answer the phone or cope in a workplace, who may develop OCD or difficulties around eating and cleaning etc. Some of the kinds of parenting here will result in neuroses. That’s a definite.

Being banned from pressing a button on the pedestrian crossing. Not allowing cherry tomatoes in the house even with teenagers. Huge teens in booster seats. Kids who have never visited a friend’s house unaccompanied. Teens who aren’t ever allowed to study in their rooms with a laptop. It’s just mind-blowing.

Just have some common sense, have age-appropriate flexible restrictions, and get a grip.

Did you read the part where I said we have a study?
Currently she does homework in the study, at the dining table, in the front room, or if it's reading, in her room.
She won't be old enough to talk to people she doesn't know online at 14 or 15. We both keep her devices locked down and supervise, as well as talking to her about the dangers.
You only have to look at MULTIPLE threads on here about young teens groomed online and 15 year olds sending nudes.

@drspouse you should be aware that even at Uni exams so far for ds have been online in his room.

That working in a communal space rule is mental. Mine revise for hours and need quiet or they watch videos explaining stuff. I don’t know any teen that doesn’t have a quiet space to work/revise. I would have hated that myself I need utter quiet to revise and had two younger siblings crashing about.

So you won’t trust her at 14y? That’s sad. Why not educate her about grooming and sending nudes instead of banning her from being able to work in her room? That’s what we did.

No computer games, ever.

Lol good luck with that.

Haha no chance.

So are you saying you would let a child play games that celebrate killing other people?
Maybe if more adults were educated about how exposing children to inappropriate media can cause trauma and affect the way a child acts or treats other people then our schools wouldn’t have a teacher retention crisis.
My children have never been allowed to play or watch things that they are not old enough for. My 17 knows the rules and I know he doesn’t play them at other friends houses as I have taught him to respect adults and our rules.

I think High School is going to come as a shock to a lot of people on this thread!

DS has the computer lab open at break where they are allowed to play Minecraft (which is a computer game)

Why?

I have recently started telling DD (aged 3) that she can say ‘I don’t want to try it’ or ‘I don’t like the look of it’ but not ‘I don’t like it’ unless she has tried it

The issue is gaming ratings is difficult. Some games are age appropriate but rated higher. Yes, the likes of GTA is rated at an 18, however,using an older game now from early 2010 as an example, fable is rated as 14+, but you can sleep with prositutes deliberately catch STD's and infect other people. Zelda is mostly 12+ rating, but its just puzzle solving and logic, exploring and defeat enemies, much like mario and the lego games, but because some enemies resemble human form, its 12+, yet sims 4 is the same rating and you can make your characters have sex with other characters. fortnite is also 12 when you are trying to "kill" human-esque characters but .the original overwatch was 16+ for the same idea when overwatch was complete appropriate and has since been downgraded. Minecraft is rating 7+ but theres servers created by players where the possibilities are endless, its just in block form. The age rating on the box doesnt actually tell you what you need to know and doesnt necessarily sit inline with what you want your child to be able to play.

To be fair at the nature group I take DD (3) too I noticed several of the boys out of the 5 ish there were wearing leggings

Plus.He could just buy the game from an American retailer, still works here as theres no region locks anymore, where they are rated 17+ Same game, same content, no rules being broken as thats the age rating on the box.

https://www.walmart.com/ip/Grand-Theft-Auto-V-Premium-Edition-Xbox-One/907577721?classType=VARIANT&athbdg=L1600&from=/search

I’ve read the first few pages of this thread and felt quite sad. When my daughter was a teenager there was a girl in her class who couldn’t come to sleepovers, but would regularly invite friends round to hers for sleepovers.
Am I supposed to take from this now they thought we’d be abusing their daughter but they wouldn’t be abusing ours?
Sadly for the friend nobody ever went there because she would never go anywhere else.
It was very sad for the girl involved
We also had a trampoline with no net and no broken bones. The only broken bones came from football and netball, my girls ears were pierced at 8 but my no tattoo rule seems to have stuck. There was quite a lot of under 18 drinking but now they’re in their 20s/early 30s and professionally qualified they seem fairly well adjusted.

I find the trampoline thing quite sad- yes there is a risk of injury but so is there with so many things in childhood like climbing trees, bike riding etc. For me the risk of injury is part of childhood and learning how to manage risks safely is important- it’s not safe to have more than 1/2 people on a back garden trampoline, you need to wear a helmet when cycling etc.
DP now in his late 30’s had several broken arms etc as a child from cycling, sports and playing. It’s part of childhood. I was lucky despite regularly climbing a tree nearly as tall as our house from the age of 8 till about 13, I (touch wood) have never broken anything.

@Cuwins we had a trampoline but it isn’t safe to have more than 1 really and certainly if you do have 2 they need to be similar sized. DS broke his leg when he was 4 as he was on with DD friend who was 8 she landed as he was bouncing and he went high up and landed on it and broke his leg. At the fracture clinic 70% were trampoline accidents. And DS was a large 4 year old (he is 5ft10 180 pounds at 12) so not tiny. he didn’t fall off either just the force he landed at
Every medical professional we saw gave the same dangerous lecture about trampolines and the impact they have!

Guilty as charged

Oh totally. But I would never buy it for him. I can’t stand it . I personally know someone whose child chocked to death on one . Granted this child was about 5 but still 🤦‍♀️😭

You have described my children's lives when they were younger! All happy, successful adults now
Young enough to have social media etc but not as influenced as younger people are now ..

I wouldn't consider a 17 year old a "child" who needs to be protected from video games, no. I would also hope and expect that a 17 year old had a sufficient grasp of reality to know that shooting someone in a video game isn't a violent act (unless they have developmental disabilities, serious MH problems etc).

I completely agree with you regarding younger children and exposure to sex and violence etc but I'm afraid that mad rules like no 18-rated games at 17 are not doing your son any favours re being ready for the real world.