What fairly normal things do you not let your DC do?

[Mayflyoff]

I won't let my DC have candles, my 14 yo is not impressed. I also don't let them go on fairground rides, though I'm OK with permanent rides at theme parks. Are there things you don't let your DC do, that their friends seem to do?

I didn’t. Mine is 16 now and recoils at the thought of drinking. It isn’t a given.

would you prefer them to say Trump?
Or let them make up their own word which is likely to be even worse.

I get your point, and yes, the Licensing Act 2003 does allow alcohol consumption by 16–17-year-olds in certain settings with a meal and adult supervision. But I think the concern some people have (like CristHoney) is more about promoting responsible behavior and setting clear boundaries—especially when it comes to public forums or younger kids who might misinterpret the nuance.
Legal or not, the line between "allowed" and "encouraged" can get blurry, especially online. Just worth keeping in mind when discussing it broadly.

The no play dates thing is mad and mostly a reflection of the parents paranoia, anxiety and lack of effort to socialise with their DC parents.

So because a parent themselves have poor social skills or is too lazy/afraid to get to know the parents of DC friends, they deny their DC opportunities to build social skills.

Using fear and aparthy as a safety net instead of being proactive and putting DC interests first. That's poor imo.

mainly just neurotic rules about smart phone use, which are clearly not the norm at school. No phone in bedroom overnight, no phone at the table, time limits on all use, no social media until older etc.

I enforce these rules for all kids in my house and I don’t care if that makes me an asshole, I’m not having some grotty friend of my daughters playing poker at the table on their phone whilst the rest of us eat dinner and have a conversation (yes this actually happened 😂)

But my kids are allowed play dates, trampolines, candles, bicycles. Sometimes I think I’m strict but this thread has convinced me otherwise!

My children aren't allowed mini eggs even though my DD is nearly 11, hate the bloody things, such a choking hazard!

This thread is horrendous. Why are some kids denied play dates and sleepovers? Surely that’s just a case of ‘can’t be bothered’ on the part of parents.
And as for the poor sods denied smartphones until 16, how on earth do you expect them to socialise with their mates? Denying them a phone at 13/14/15 is such a social disadvantage to 21st century teens.

Just for a bit of balance, we didn't restrict/ban anything when our two were growing up. They have turned out fine and well-balanced. Only regret is that I didn't insist they helped more around the house.

Ok why are you referencing yourself and going on about discussing online like teenagers are present

Why one or the other? Why so extreme? My DC have coding classes AND game as they love games and are inspired by them. They are even working on coding their first game.

Amazed at the lack of nuance in many of these posts. No play dates. No sleepovers. Or the funniest yet:
No meat in the house and
No fat on your bacon 😜

So instead of NO sleepovers, why not very limited sleepovers with cousins or family friends kids who you have known forever at your house? Same with play dates (can’t believe anyone would BAN playing!). But

Instead of NO gaming, why not play one or two pre-agreed games? (There are some excellent creative games out there and gaming has been shown to increase skills in so many areas). And why not game for a limited amount of time within boundaries such as no screens after 8pm or not until you’ve done your homework for example?

Same with sweets/crisps etc. A blanket ban is just unsustainable. Trust me I’m a health food advocate and would love nothing more than my kids not to ever eat any seed oils or crappy artificial dyes or sweetners. So we have conversations about them. I educate them about how they can affect human health but we do have them for birthdays or at Halloween etc as to ban them is SO extreme and I know will have the opposite effect in the long run. It’s also ultra controlling.

Why bother with play dates when you just let them play out together in the street after school? They just all rides bikes together or head to the local park.

No need for all the fanfare. Just leave children to it.

This, I can’t believe how many parents allow it at such a young age 😳

I was obviously an incredibly slack mother. Surprised DD (now 25) survived.

This thread is absolutely bonkers.
Mine are adults now though grew up with digital (mid 20s). Both responsible professionals.
My only regret about their upbringing is that I said no a bit too often.
I limited screens and gaming and enforced bedtimes up to age 11. No mixed sex sleepovers after primary school. Food wise anything in moderation. Most other stuff I took the approach of teaching them to do it safely.

Party at the back, business at the front 🤣

Totally agree with this.

The older i get the more i see this. I see the majority of females (of all ages even toddlers!) in figure hugging clothing in our culture. Leggings are the worst culprit. And polyester gym gear as clothing (or gym wear for that matter). It’s not how it looks as such is the sad subconscious expectation that we must show off our bodies/figures. Not necessarily our skin but our ‘outlines’ all the time. Boys and men generally don’t feel this need or expectation. Like you say boys clothes aren’t form fitting. They are loose and ‘off’ the body even from a very young age.

it’s sad. And a bit uncool too…

I agree, I hate organising play dates but I do it because it needs to be done, my DS is 12 now so sorts his own stuff with friends out, my DD is 9 and was best friends with a girl in the early years of primary, I knew her parents from before DC (not friends but we knew each other) and lived on the street behind them, the girls would beg for play dates but the Mum had a strict no play date policy which is fine her kid her rules but my DD ended up gravitating towards a group where parents were more relaxed and she could have friends over to play, it left the wee girl feeling left out and the Mum was annoyed with me but was I supposed to stop my DD having friends round just because she was paranoid? The girl still isn’t allowed to have friends round or go to friends houses or play out on her street, it’s a shame.

My 17 year old has never drunk anything other than water(his choice) and he has wore braces for 18 months and has another 18 to go.

Drinking juice does not impact teeth

This isn't appropriate for loads of people. Live on busy roads, don't have neighbours of similar age, unsafe areas etc. we are really lucky we live on a cul de sac and lots of children nearby who go to the same school as DD, and a play park just round the corner visible to many of our houses. It would be very different if we lived on a normal street with cars driving up and down, or rurally with few neighbours

Totally agree, they are going to be in for a big shock if they've managed to control everything for so long then all their hard work is undone the second their DC are old enough to get some freedom, they'll be at the McDonalds and Red Bull as quick as you can say Obesity Crisis. I was always fairly laid back with food. I cooked most our meals from scratch and still do, tried to make sure they got as much fruit and veg down them as I could possibly manage, but I wasn't obsessed with them never having 'unhealthy' things like McDs or coca cola or sweets. They had those things reasonably often, but as weekend treats for example, not as part of a daily diet full of junk.

As for tattoos, they were my one huge fear. I drummed it into them that they were bound to regret them, they all looked awful as you aged, they'd go out of fashion and look naff and it wasn't worth the risk. They all said 'I'm getting one when I am old enough and you can't stop me.' Two of them have never yet had one and I don't think they ever will. Now they are so common they quite like being the only un-inked one. The other one has about six or seven and regrets at least three of them because they were cheap and terrible and chosen without much thought.

But again, I am much more laid back about that now that I was when they were children. Tattoos are so ubiquitous now that no-one bats an eyelid and unless you look like you've come out of one of those El Salvador Prison gangs with tattoos all over your face marking the people you've murdered, people don't tend to judge you for tattoos now. Also the quality of tattoos has improved hugely in recent years and some really are incredible. Even if I personally wouldn't want one, I don't loathe them like I used to, when they are well chosen and well executed.

Am clearly a very lax parent, but like a lot of PPs - I distinctly remember going to uni and seeing 18yos making terrible terrible decisions as they’d clearly never had the opportunity to let loose without supervision before. Ultimately I see my job to be to get my DC to adulthood, obviously safely but also equipped to manage adulthood by the time they are 18. Not allowing them to try things in a controlled and supportive environment is not doing that.

My main rules are: no screens at the dining table, no reading/playing/watching anything new until their dad or I have had the chance to vet it first (this is particularly for DD1 who is 13 and now transitioning to watching and reading more adult things - she likes anime and fantasy books which can be an absolute minefield without supervision). Also, no Snapchat, TikTok or insta, or adding anyone they don’t know on WhatsApp. Plus we get free rein to check the phone whenever we want.

Both DDs had to wait until they were old enough to care for a piercing until they could have their ears pierced so this happened when they were 9 respectively. DD1 recently paid using her pocket money to get a rook piercing done - I went with her; I’d rather she went to a reputable studio than somewhere terrible and my involvement will encourage that.

If I have strong feelings about why they can’t do something I’ll explain it to them. It happens rarely enough (and I was firm enough when they were young!) that they know I mean it if I say a hard no to anything.

They’ve had a trampoline since lockdown. Never had any incidents on it but DD1 managed to break both her arms at school, with 9 days between injuries. There’s only so much you can do!

We have a study as well and at the point when I can trust DD to actually do her homework rather than mess around on the internet, she can do her homework (and any timed past papers etc.) in there. I know she's only in Y6, but so far she always wants help with homework which is much more easily done in a communal space.
They don't tend to do their homework at the same time, because they don't have that much and have other things on. As I said above, it's unlikely DS will ever be challenged much at school but we'll cross that bridge when we come to it.
Timed papers etc. I very much assume will be on paper, not online, anyway. If DD has no study materials/computer in her room it will be an excellent place to practice doing an exam under exam conditions!

Sitting here with six of my 13 year olds friends running round the garden like something out of Lord of the Flies after having a sleepover last night because DD asked if she could wondering why so many MN'ers don't allow it 💁

There's not much I don't allow to be honest - they weren't allowed their ears pierced until 13 - which is the same age as I was but that's about it. Oh and both had to have swimming lessons up to gold, plus do some kind of active / sport out of school activity.

They're allowed to have limited alcohol at home if they want to but generally don't - they will both drink 0% lager though. My 17 year old refuses to drink in public until she is 18 and my 13 year-old is similar.

They've both had smart phones since the age of 10 - limited to family contacts initially, but expanded to their friends when they started secondary, and on the basis that I have the passwords and can look at what they are doing on them if I want to (up to when they turned 16).

They always had rough bed times - increasing by 15 minutes a year up until they were 13 but this was never 'to the minute' strictly enforced.

We get comments all the time about how kind / polite / well-behaved they are, so I guess we did something right!

No play dates or sleepovers, I’m not sure if I will ever let them sleep over at someone house though!
wont let my older dc walk to school, wont be allowed to walk home from school as school policy is if they have a younger Sibling in school then the parent is there anyway , (I have to walk there and back anyway with younger dc)

I haven't read the full thread as it's utterly depressing. I am a very socially anxious adult who can't self regulate their food and drink intake and who flunked out of university at 18 with severe anxiety. Can you guess what kind of parents I had?