What fairly normal things do you not let your DC do?

[Mayflyoff]

I won't let my DC have candles, my 14 yo is not impressed. I also don't let them go on fairground rides, though I'm OK with permanent rides at theme parks. Are there things you don't let your DC do, that their friends seem to do?

Coming out the other side those teens who’ve had the more relaxed parents are noticeably more easy going sociable and happier than those with them strict rule type parents. Levels of achievement the same: Yes anecdotal but really noticeable Dh and I said this the other day.

Oh I love soft ice cream

True, our 'no coke' rule is a soft rule. They could be drinking coke occasionally and I don't think it would be the end of the world (they've definitely tasted it before), they know why I won't be giving them caffeinated drinks and they're allowed most other things so I hope they understand it's not something they should be having regularly.

Here's an experiment for you. And to be honest, when I suggest this to people they do often start to see my point.

Next time you are out somewhere with lots of toddlers at the kind of activity where you would expect them to be dressed for comfort/practicality and it's a bit cold (so probably more of a winter than a summer thing). Look around and compare the outfits of the girls vs the boys. what you will find is that the boys are usually wearing practical, comfy, trackies or loose fit trousers. They might be in jeans or cords, but they'll be straight cut/baggy jeans.

Then take a look at the girls. Many will be wearing similar to the boys. Or they'll have gone "girly" and will be wearing leggings/tights with shorts/skirts over. But a lot of them will be wearing just leggings with a t-shirt/jumper. Or if they wear jeans, they're jegging style.

And I ask myself, why is it that when a parent chooses to put their child in "comfy" clothing, the GIRLS clothing is always snug and the BOYS clothing is not.

And what I came to realise is that from when they are super small, we tell girls that short/tight clothes are "normal", even when we are not sexualising them.

As for your examples - of course she wears shorts in summer, as do boys (although I did work very hard to de-normalise much shorter shorts for her than for the boys. She does have some shorter "girly" shorts now, but she actualy prefers shorts that are a bit looser as they're more comfy for her). Tights and skirts are fine too - but actually, she hates them! Having said that, while I am not trying to insist on particular types of clothing for school, I find it mindblowing that skirts and tights and impractical shoes are still standard for girls at school - in my day we fought to be allowed to wear trousers to protect us from the cold. (And dd's school shoes have always been proper shoes not ridiculous pseudo-ballet shoes that do F+++ all to protect her feet).

It infuriates me that girls clothing, even when youjng, is so often LESS practical. Trackies are WARMER than leggings but we put them in leggings? Why? Most girls school shoes barely cover the feet so they get wet. Why?

The only things I insist on are good manners and encouraging them to talk to me when something is bothering them. I try to my best to be non-judgemental in the hope that they will continue to open up when they're older. Fingers crossed!

I'm open minded to most things and believe that if you're too strict, they will rebel when they're older and start lying to you. That's just my personal experience based on my own childhood

I do around ear piercing at 18. I understand tatoos, as they are far more permanent. I dont know why you would specify ear piercing and not, say another kind of piercing or tatoos. Any piercing you can take out to know major ill effect (unless it tares and even then they do heal) but tatoos are a lot harder to get rid of. Agreeing ear piercing earlier rather than something more extreme seems sensible to me

Same as me! Never allowed to smoke, join the army or get a motorbike. My three rules that I say will still apply throughout all of their adult life.

I also don’t allow them to swear in front of me (though I swear like Brian Blessed!) and also no chewing gum.

I think my only rules are no Roblox and no TVs in the bedroom (although this might change when they’re older). Also not allowed to watch tv before school during the week. My 9 year old isn’t allowed a phone yet. Apart from obvious illegal things, everything else in moderation really, although there were more things I didn’t let them do when they were younger which has been relaxed as they got older.

When he was a teenager, ds3 used to complain because I wouldn't let him skip the last day of term - apparently everyone was skipping that day and no-one actually went to school. I said he had to go, even if he was the only child there (which I highly doubted). I was such a cruel parent.

Ooh just remembered I also don’t let them take food into bedrooms/living room which they complain about and most of their friends are allowed to do.

I got into huge trouble for persuading my Mum to let me have the last two days off in about year 9. Everyone else (aka my three close friends) were off too but their Mums said they were ill, mine didn’t and then when school rang she dropped me right in it and I had to go in on the last day just to have double detention then was grounded for the first two weeks of the school holidays.

You are missing out - their rainbow slaw is a DELIGHT!

Although once adults you can’t stop them doing anything, including career choice.
When it comes to the army I think those of us that have discouraged it just hope it’s imbedded enough

Yes we had similar complaints that all their friends eat in their rooms and not one of them 😯 ever sit at the table for family meals.
We ignored them 😆

I was always very inflexible about going to school too. One of the reasons we never took them out for term time holidays - it didn’t sit right to be arguing that they have to go to school because it’s so important one minute, and taking them out to save a few quid the next.

Genuinely don’t understand the ear Peircing one. It’s such a small, bog standard thing. Vast majority of women have their ears pierced at least once.

Page 4 I'm gobsmaked that some let the children drink age 13 ???

Because it’s harder to concentrate and focus in communal spaces with other people around, especially if you have siblings sharing the table with you. I can’t see any harm in allowing teenagers to study in peace and privacy. The idea of a couple of late teens both trying to revise, or doing a timed past paper in a communal space while a parent cooks or whatever is really odd I think. I get what you’re saying about working in their sleeping space, but this is standard in higher education and not many households have enough rooms for each child to have their own bedroom and a study.

I think i let mine drink from about 14, they are late 20s now and neither DS or DD drink much.

@StupidBoy I agree but on I pad in restaurant it's a snap shot.

I was a sahm for a good few years and we didn't go out for dinner often at all because dc2 couldn't sit still at home or out and we had no back up. On the very rare occasion I was desperate to get out and not have to worry about cooking younger DC was given the phone with games.unlike older DC hated colouring dvd couldn't play simple card games like snap.
Once older we would Play card games whilst waiting for the food

Once a waiter said it's brilliant to see you guys interacting and playing cards instead of shoving kid's on a device.

I put him straight.

DC can sit perfectly well through meals with no issues,it was a short stage and I found being a sahm very hard some days there all the time and meals out on a rare occasion were to give me a break and nothing else.

I'm not laughing at it as such, but my toddler has had a few things on rare occasions either for medical reasons or for sheer fun.

He had apple juice and lucozade syringed into him after a vomiting bug. He had Easter chocolate, and a normal sugar-laden birthday cake.

It's what you do on 360 days of the year that counts, not 5.

Actually I did think I would say no slushies until atleast 7/8 but she hasn’t asked, no toy guns or games involving shooting. Others for when she is older: no energy drinks, no smoking, no drinking until 18 (may change this based on the advice at the time), only age appropriate games/films etc, no smart phone until 14 and no social media till 16.

Candles - based on remembering that I was allowed and very narrowly missed setting house on fire a couple of times.

No weird words for female genitalia - we went with vagina.

No trampoline

Also not allowing booze until as late as possible (other than odd silly sip for fun). Eldest dc hates taste anyway so easy atm.

Phones and iPads stay downstairs overnight - however other than that I am more relaxed than I would ideally be with screens as the monitoring is destructive. It is repaying me a bit as they get older.

No tvs in bedrooms.

Oh I know. I just hope that by telling them they’re not allowed, even as adults (which I know perfectly well they can ignore as I have zero say over their lives by that point), they might just believe it! It’s a bit like the swearing. I am a dreadful hypocrite. I swear constantly. At them. In front of them. But they know mum is totally unreasonable and they don’t swear in front of me. Ever. I’m pushing my luck. I’m well aware of it. I do hope my big three (smoking, motor bikes, army) will remain constants for them though. I’m not serious about much. But I am serious about those!

My dc are now young adults but we didn’t really have any rules. I tried the ‘no food in room’ rule with dd2 but she takes no notice and sneaks food upstairs. I’m a single parent but when dh was living here he was pretty strict, when he left the house was much more relaxed and my dc were allowed to make their own choices, they could chose what time to go to bed, they could have friends over and could have their rooms how they like (within reason). I tried to encourage them to make good choices but tried not to make choices for them. Once they hit 16+ they tend to do what they like anyway. I have never stopped them from drinking but they never have….maybe because I don’t drink.