What fairly normal things do you not let your DC do?

[Mayflyoff]

I won't let my DC have candles, my 14 yo is not impressed. I also don't let them go on fairground rides, though I'm OK with permanent rides at theme parks. Are there things you don't let your DC do, that their friends seem to do?

One of these has reminded me my mum had a strict rule we were not allowed chewing gum. She said this was because she hated the look of kids chewing it.

Of course this meant I was obsessed with chewing gum and thought it must be the greatest and most grown up thing ever. I was always trying to get hold of it. Once me and my brother even snuck out of the house just to buy gum, and got caught and were not allowed to keep the gum!

I can't remember when I was finally allowed to eat it, but it was a total let down after all the anticipation.

Yes I do understand that, but so many people on MN say they never do them and never allow other people into their lives and their homes. It's just not a nice way for a child to be brought up.

Plus as a long time SAHM I've known plenty of CFs who were only too happy for their child to spend loads of time at my house but never bothered to return the favour. I was de facto unpaid child care for more than a few of them over the years, every time there was an inset day or their child minder was sick or whatever. It pissed me off and I saw right through it, but the children were always so happy to be together, socialising, exercising, creating and having great conversations with one another, instead of sitting in their room alone with no real in-person interaction and too much screen time.

I chose to always make the wellbeing and happiness of the children my main focus rather than banning certain kids on account of lack of reciprocity. Because that would just have upset and confused the children. None of my children are brain of Britain but they are all very creative, intellectually curious, sociable and articulate, self-assured, not needy or anxious, have a good work ethic and have no major issues to speak of. I think that is probably a big part of the reason why.

But then mobile devices didn't really become a thing until they were already teenagers, so they had the benefit of that properly innocent childhood with lots of in-person interaction and play before a constant connection to social media changed all that. No ipads in the buggy or at restaurant tables for mine. Nowadays even kids in the same room as one another will often all be so engrossed in their own screen worlds that it's pointless anyone else being there. It's so sad and so worrying.

Nothing really.

I let my kids do things many parents would not and they have excellent risk assessment and physical skills as a result.

They walked to school by themselves before any of their peers did too.

I'm an older mum and grew up in the 80s in a working class neighbourhood, The middle class parents I mix with now are massively overly risk averse.

That was me 😊.

We’ve done all of that on holiday, a particular favourite memory of mine was going out on a boat where you could jump into the ocean, go snorkelling and cliff jump but the water was still and clear.

We’ve been to Wales/Cornwall/the north coast a few times and it’s a completely different kettle of fish. My son likes bodyboarding in Cornwall, he’s almost 15 now so goes a bit further out and my daughter only likes a paddle but when they were younger it was waist high and that was it. The high waves and how changeable the current is around the UK used to give me the fear.

I nearly drowned as a teenager so I know exactly where the fear comes from, it’s the only thing I was ever really strict on and seems to have done them no harm.

DD is nearly 12. We're quite strict.

• DD has to pass the "bend test" if shorts, skirts and dresses are above the knee.

• She still uses a booster because she's short and the seatbelt cuts into her neck without.

• No TV before school until DD is totally ready for school, has had breakfast, and has made her bed and opened her curtains. No other screens before she's on school transport.

• No screen time or calls after school or on weekends unless DDs bedroom is reasonably tidy.

• No phone usage after 6 pm on weekdays.

• Parental controls are set so that me/DH have to approve any new websites DD wants to access. I pre-approve all apps. I do random checks of her phone.

• At least one sports class (of her choosing) a week, plus non negotiable swimming lessons.

• If she slams a door she has to "practice" shutting the door properly until she can do it without an attitude. (Sounds ridiculous but it's a great deterrent)

• I'm happy to host sleepovers but I don't let DD sleep at friends yet. She has to take morning and evening medications and I don't want to put that level of responsibility on another parent.

• If DD is having friends over and doesn't want to share an item, that item must be put in my bedroom before they arrive.

• I don't solve DDs problems for her. We will talk things out and I will ask questions to guide her in finding solutions, but I won't steamroll in and solve them. Part of growing up is knowing that all Actions, Interactions and Inactions have consequences and learning to navigate that. Obviously there are exceptions to this rule e.g. bullying and genuine risks to safety.

I agree. Its really sad to read regularly on MN about kids not allowed playdates or parents who regard having kids over as some sort of chore or punishment for parents.

Why have kids if you don't like seeing them happily freely playing with kids and can't be arsed facilitating that.

I love seeing my kids playing with their friends and I'm always happy to have them over. It genuinely makes me happy ( and I work full-time, I am not a SAHM).

The supervising thing is irrelevant though. ( I can’t answer personally )
because
Kids can get injured on a trampoline AND all the things I mentioned whether they are supervised or not.

As I’m sure you are aware,
ski accidents don’t all happen when a person is skiing alone
to be injured in fencing you have an opponent so, not alone
It’s ?? difficult to hurt yourself when playing rugby and cricket alone, injuries happen in practice and matches…

This trampoline thing is an outlier because it’s been in the news and mentioned as dangerous whilst everyone seems to have forgotten how many things are kids do, with our consent and often encouragement, that are dangerous.
Often with parents watching and cheering on the sidelines.

I think it’s pretty rare these days that kids who go to school can get by without a laptop or tablet. Mine couldn’t have accessed the materials they needed without some form of device. I was trying to imagine telling 18 yr old DS and 16 yr old DD that they had to do their exam revision side by side at the dining table because they weren’t allowed devices in their rooms ever 😂
But maybe the PP’s DC don’t go to school 🤷‍♀️

At the dining table. Or in their rooms with books.
DS is unlikely to be ever challenged at his appalling SEN school enough to do more than a couple of foundation level qualifications, so anything more than that is likely to come at college. He never gets homework though he has two tutors and he does their work either at the dining table or lying on the floor in the play room. He has dyspraxia and should be learning to type but prefers to write in enormous letters on enormous paper.
DD has just done SATS and has a maths tutor and she does all her practice/homework at the dining table. She reads in her room.

No play dates- seriously? That is so sad. Sleepovers I can sort of get, but you'd never allowe them to go to someone else's hosue after school?
No underage drinking - good luck with that one, you'll never know unless they're completely rat arsed.
No trampoline parks - probably safer than having one in your garden.We did, and it was fine, but we had a net and they were relatively old when we got it (8 and 10).

Yes - the ‘play date’ term is relatively recent, another import from across the pond. When I was a child we just used to go to whoever’s house, knock on the door and say ‘Can So and So play?’ I don’t recall any pre-arrangements by parents.

My DF was forever afterwards highly amused, and very fond of telling how a young boy he didn’t recognise came to the door and asked whether my younger brother could come and play.

DF asked the boy what his name was.

‘I’m Bristlebonce’s bruvver.’ 😂😂

My DCs already do maths practice (and both do Duolingo though one is in primary school and the other doesn't do serious MFL) on tablets. They do it in the dining room or living room. They generally want our help anyway.
DS doesn't get homework as I've posted above, at least not from school, but work from his tutors is on paper (so far) and done in a family space.
With DD we will be printing out as much as we can, and doing the rest on devices on the dining table.

I wouldn't let my DS have sweets, & had a huge falling-out with my DM when I caught her giving him some.
He's probably older than a lot of posters on MN, & he's never had a filling or any dental problems.

French medical experts are against all screens for children under six.

www.theguardian.com/society/2025/may/01/children-under-six-should-avoid-screen-time-french-medical-experts-say

That doesn’t sound strict except the sleepover thing but I get why you would be concerned about her medication
Tbh I’m surprised there’s a TV rule for the morning
Is it normal for people to put the TV on in the morning ?

In our house it’s definitely an evening thing, we wouldn’t have it on in the day either. Possibly after lunch for a Sunday movie. Never in the morning.

With you on this one. It’s a big no for us (and I’m v casual about gaming/screentime in general).

Perfectly sensible and normal thing to do. It's depressing seeing little ones in buggies munching on sugary crap.

I never let my then early-teen son have GTA for the Playstation. He said 'but all my friends have it....; I said I don't care, I'm not letting you play it. If he played it at friends' there was nothing I could do about it, but he wasn't having it in the house and stopped asking after a while.
There were plenty of other games him and his friends played online at the time that were suitable.
I was pretty strict on food when they were younger, in terms of sugar etc, but now wish I'd been stricter on UPFs, not that we knew about them then.

So will your DD continue to do her homework at the dining table through secondary when she needs to access the school portals and wider internet? There are very few books involved in secondary education ime. What about when she wants to watch a video explaining some tricky A level topic, or when she needs to discuss a group project with her sixth form friends, or complete her UCAS form and write her personal statement? What about if she needs some help from a tutor in Y13, will that have to take place in a communal space? I agree that letting 10yr olds have their phones in bed with them isn’t a great idea but banning any form of device from bedrooms ever seems really odd to me.

He's probably older than a lot of posters on MN, & he's never had a filling or any dental problems

I eat a lot of sweets and have just had my first filling in my early 40s. I think a lot of teeth strength is genetic.

She can do that at the dining table on a shared laptop where we have access to what she's been looking at.
Our son's tutors come to the house and teach him there, and she goes to the house of her Maths tutor. If she was talking to an adult via Zoom I'd definitely want her to do it in the dining room.
It's also much better for sleep hygiene not to study in your bedroom. Hopefully if they go on to study they can use the university/college library rather than their bedroom, too.

I don’t really have a horse in this race but no devices in bedrooms seems fairly reasonable, no? All sleep hygiene advice says use your bedroom for sleeping and sex and nothing else to promote good sleep. Why is doing work in communal areas (if they are quiet and other people in the house respect that you are busy and don’t bother you) such a big deal?

I wfh a lot and I feel absolutely minging when I work in my bedroom. I can’t see why it would be different for teenagers?

Well at least therapists will have something to talk to their patients about in 30 years time!

Mine had to do schoolwork in their bedrooms logistically but I'd have loved them to be in more open areas like a dining room for it. That's where I used to do my homework.

I'm 52 and have never had a dental problem or filling - dentist says my teeth are in excellent condition.

Here was my diet as a child.;
Weekdays:
Breakfast, cereal with spoonfuls of sugar added on top,which formed a sweet slush in the milk that I ate once all the cereal was gone.

Chocolate covered biscuit at break time ( and packet of crisps)

school dinner, with sugary pudding.

After school - Biscuits from our ' help yourself biscuit barrel' at home.

Pudding after dinner

Supper of yet more cereal with sugar.

Weekends meant a cake from the cake shop after mum did the shopping, pudding after lunch and tea time was cakes followed by bags of pick n mix sweet whilst we watched the tele.

Drinks were full sugar squash.

Also had pocket money which went on sweets and additional sweets and treats at special occasions obviously, like holidays or Birthdays, easter etc.

Still got excellent teeth. Dad was very strict about teeth brushing too including those tablets that made you teeth go purple .