What fairly normal things do you not let your DC do?

[Mayflyoff]

I won't let my DC have candles, my 14 yo is not impressed. I also don't let them go on fairground rides, though I'm OK with permanent rides at theme parks. Are there things you don't let your DC do, that their friends seem to do?

We have a family-run travelling fair comes twice a year to a playing field close to out house, been taking the DCs since they were toddlers (now young adults at home / uni). It has been absolutely fine, there’s very rarely any bother at all and my two have never encountered any and had so much enjoyment out of it over the years.

There are a few things that we didn’t exactly ban, just didn’t really do, we’ve never drunk squash regularly so just didn’t buy it, they could have it at friends but water or milk was always our default. We sometimes have cordial now but a bottle will last months. Fizzy dinks, waited till they were 10 or so and then in moderation at parties/cafes/pubs only, but we did end up buying more in the hot weather of the first lockdown, drinking more and having to reign ourselves back in. We are all pretty moderate around them now. Alcohol, that was just gradual, from 16ish we’d have cider at home for them occasionally. They are both moderate drinkers now.

McDs -we just never went to them till they were about 10. There isn’t one within 10 miles of us so it wasn’t something DH and were in the habit of either and neither were their friends much. We do probably all go once a month or so on shopping trips or travelling now. I thnk we used to take packed lunches or buy sandwches when travelling prevously.

TVs in bedrooms - they never asked. Ditto ear piercing.

Phones - both had smartphones at the end of y6 but fairly locked down, they say we were stricter than most of their friends parents. Slacked off on any restrictions by mid teens and they have self-regulated pretty well.

So if kids aren’t allowed play dates, or sleepovers, or phones until 15/16 or any form of social media until 16, how on earth do they have a social life with their peers?

Where will they do their homework / revision for GCSEs and A level? 🤔

Me too. I don't understand people who don't allow their children to have friends over. Our house was always full of other people's kids, movie and pizza nights, lots of sleepovers, my garden was always full of happy children, tree climbing, football, paddling pools in summer, Lego building marathons, craft activities, water fights and dressing up games, playing with the dog. I did a lot of driving around picking mine up from other people's houses too. But I was a SAHM, so perhaps that made a difference. It certainly made it easier to accommodate and find time for. It was idyllic for my children and I am sad for children who don't ever have any of that, not even for the odd weekend or half term.

@Bananalanacake

why?

Given that we are a Muslim family. Drink alcohol.

@StupidBoy I think play dates reduction may be due to the facts more mums work with young dc? I work p/t but only do play dates on a friday & I couldn't cope with them weekly!

My Mum wasn’t strict, she was controlling. I wasn’t allowed to shave my legs, wear make up, experiment with clothes and had to go to bed ridiculously early. On the rare occasion that I was allowed a friend round I was too embarrassed to let them come over. My circle of friends was practically non existent and I grew up with zero confidence.

She did let me go to friends houses and whenever I got the opportunity, I would go and let my hair down and do all the things I was so restricted doing. Now aged 46, I haven’t spoken to her for nearly 10 years.

Chewing gum.

This was after a weekend of chewing gum being spat out on the floor, dogs eating it, getting stuck in hair and stuck on the underside of the dining table. And not to mention the terrible mouth smacking chewing sound.

We are a no chewing gum zone.

I don't let my 7 year old have lollipops (choking is my one big fear). Difficult when people are always giving lollipops to children but when he gets given one he gives it to me or his big sister.

Social media.
Computer games with chat functions.
Beauty regimes (beyond basic clean and moisturise)
Girls are 9 & 11.

Absolutely love the neuroses that show up on these threads 🤣

No play dates but piercings and unfettered screen access is fine. Lol.

bloody hell some of you would lose your mind over my kids!

2 of my kids now generate income from gaming, one streams, one teaches and trains people to get better in the game. The one teaching can make £300 in a day some days. He played competitively whilst still in secondry school, which required, shock horror, days off school to compete. He managed to pass all his GCSE's at high grades and is on track to get into his chose uni in sept. It took hours and hours of deciation and commitment to play at the ,evel he plays at. He teaches and leads a team of players much older than himself. His social, leadership and communication skills are very good because he took on that role from aged 15. Sometimes, you dont know what your child is capable of until you give them the choice in their own future.

My kids have never rebelled, they do their chores in the house, they work hard in school. But their time is theirs, their hobbies are theirs, you cant dictate that to them. Gaming is a legitimate hobby, online gaming that depends on team work and leadership and ensuring everyone does their part allows for some incredibly useful life skills to be developed early. Online friendships can be just as valid as in person ones. I am in every server my children where invited to, i see the chats, i dont get involved, i dont post, nowadays i have a look maybe once a week at the conversations. I even join in and play some games with them, such and geoguessers and quizzes and have a really good time laughing with them.

Dont hold your kids back, allow them to fill their time with what they enjoy, allow them to be social, allow them to learn and make mistakes and know you will always be there. I find it so sad so many children have such restricted lives.

No fizzy drinks. They are 10 & 9.

All my kids homework was done on ipads we had to buy when they started year 7. they had to read a set number of books all of which were on the ipad so the school could track the time spent in the ap to ensure they were actually being read. all the maths science and english homeworks had individual apps. They were given additional apps for revision for free through the school. The ipads also unlocked at 4pm so they could add their own stuff to them and use them for "fun" too. Devices not in bedrooms wasnt really an option.

And they wonder why their young people have no resilience 😂😂😂😂😂

actually not funny… mental health crisis and all that …😢

You do you, I’ll do me.
My DD could have what she wanted. The one stipulation was that she must have some sort of veg, corn on the cob, etc.
She’s 18 now and fab eater. She even said to me the other day “I’m glad we never really had kids meals at home and you always made me have smaller portions of whatever you were eating and always veg”

And the no play dates etc
see explosion of the true crime genre in recent years
means parents with biased view of risk /
society
which means kids don’t develop risk awareness whilst interaction with the world and the people in it -
very sad

No TVs in bedrooms, although they never asked for one. Ds2 does have one now but he is 17. He also has his Xbox in his room but it was always in the living room when they were younger.

No driving lessons. I've known more than one young person die in an accident where the driver hadn't been driving long. They can pay themselves once they can afford it. Likewise cars. They can buy their own.

We never banned devices from bedrooms, but did have a rule that if they took them in they had to leave their door wide open. Never had any problems. They had handheld devices such as a DS and could use them where they liked, but our man consoles (Wii, XBox) were downstairs and shared. Neither of them is a huge gamer, they mainly use Switches now but none of it was banned.

Glitter! Anything with glitter! Fed up of people at work pointing out I have glitter on my face.

This thread reminds me that as a child, I loved rules and safetyism so much, I had to be coaxed into overcoming some of these. I saw them as reasons not to do things. Examples were:

• I used to point out the “no cycling” signs, when my parents took me cycling in the park (aged six).
• I was reluctant to talk to people I didn’t know, because of the “never talk to strangers” messaging.
• I refused to light matches, because of the “never play with matches” messaging. My parents made me do it in preparation for Bunsen burners at secondary school; I was terrified.
• I was too afraid of drowning to be any good at swimming.
• I hated having to stay up, for the theatre, for example. Worst of all was the Easter Vigil mass, which lasted well past 10pm. All I could think about was the bedtime I was supposed to be observing.

Some of these really held me back as a young adult, because I simply didn’t dare take risks, or do anything even slightly “against the rules”.

Exactly !!
parents clearly wanting to protect their kids,
but as someone who works in the field of working with young adults with social anxiety, anxiety about health / germs / risk of catastrophic events from strangers and the world outside the home …
don’t closet your kids
and then …
expect them to be able to function in the real world !!!!

ps I do agree with the minimising UPF and screen time byw

just please all you anxious controlling parents think about the implications of being anxious and controlling and your expectations of how you think your kids are going to be in the future !!!

I am astonished at the "no candles". In my Brownie badge book a really, really basic task (I think you had to do it for your Footpath badge) was "lay and light a fire". I would definitely expect a 7 year old to be safe around fire.
Having said that, I did melt a lampshade while doing my homework in a power cut in the 1970s.
My two are both safe around fire though DS is overly keen on dinner by candlelight because he is allowed to light the candle.

Exactly !!!
we should teach our kids to use candles and matches safely !

kids going off to uni, buy candles whatever…
how are they EVER going to learn with just avoiding potential risk ??

employers are always moaning about young people with no clue about life !!