What fairly normal things do you not let your DC do?

[Mayflyoff]

I won't let my DC have candles, my 14 yo is not impressed. I also don't let them go on fairground rides, though I'm OK with permanent rides at theme parks. Are there things you don't let your DC do, that their friends seem to do?

is there sex appeal from those? I wear them because they’re pretty.

surely that's the same thing? I love earrings & think they are pretty so unconsciously must think they make me look prettier.

Curious what you think the difference is between looking pretty and having sex appeal though? To me they’re one and the same.

What on earth? Wearing something because you like it, it looks good and makes you feel good is completely different to dressing in a sexually attractive way. I wear nice clothes and make up and jewellery because I like to look good. I’m not trying to attract anyone and really don’t care whether men find me “appealing”, I’m not going to dress down to avoid male gaze, I dress to suit myself.

I think most of us (consciously or subconsciously) wear jewellery for sex appeal

I assume by this you mean you think women wear jewellery for sex appeal for the male gaze? So what about the women who are gay and still wear jewellery? Why are they wearing it then? 😂

Also the no sleepovers, it’s awkward sometimes as other people feel this is essential.
But I don’t want their children staying at mine, and I know it will be expected.
I have enough children, without extras
Plus chances are, I don’t really know the parents.

Can't wait for all of the posts about overbearing, controlling parents in about 15 years time.....

All these rules parents have reminds me of dc’s friends parents who would list all the rules they have for their dc. Then I would look on as I saw their dc break everyone.

Remember one set of parents being very insistent that their dd was not allowed chocolate or sweets and how this rule meant that as a teen she was choosing fruit as a snack instead of chocolate
This was what she told her parents. Whilst at school she would bring in a large bar of Cadbury’s Dairy Milk each day

@scalt candles are terrible for the environment. Lots of children are environmentally conscious as well as their parents.

@Jellycatspyjamas I'm the same as you but I'm not sure I can separate me wanting to look nice from societal messages that tell me it's important to look nice.

The booster seat one is so funny to me. My 12 year old is 5 foot 7 🤣

Can't wait for all of the posts about overbearing, controlling parents in about 15 years time.....

As a pp said the people I met at uni who went "wild" tended to have very strict upbringings. My parents didn't ban much and as a result the taboo was removed so I didn't really bother & was very sensible.

I do wonder if this generation of children will rebel and go back to being much more hands-off again, ie letting their children play outside more unsupervised, do more without as much parental supervision.

I’ve noticed it with dropping children off. We were always dropped off at friend’s houses/birthday parties from age 4, no issues. My son’s done this with friends since Reception, we’ll take it in turns to collect our own child and a friend or two, take them to our home for a play and dinner with a park stop off, then their parent collects at 6pm. Zero issues. I notice a lot still aren’t doing this in Year 1 though.

Similarly with birthday parties- I feel obliged to hang about as parents here really judge you not staying. But my son from age 5 expressed strongly that he didn’t need/want me to stay at our local soft play, he’s confident and said ‘there’s other adults who work there, other parents to ask for help’. I feel I’m suffocating him by staying 😂

Not silly at all! Squash offers no nutritional benefit and may lead them to refuse plain water.

Why silly? My 5 yr old has never had anything besides water. No juice, no squash…although now he is being offered now but just doesnt want it. They dont need it. We dont need it

Yes, my son is almost 7 and only about 5cm off the legal height restriction. Surely once they’ve met the required height the seatbelt sits in the desired position anyway, so yeah don’t really get why the need to still then use them? 🤔

I can’t think of anything I actively didn’t let my children do (they are now in their mid 20s) but there were plenty of things I didn’t enable them to do at home.

For example, I never bought sweets or fizzy drinks (but I know they had both at friends’ houses). I never took them to McDonalds or similar fast food place.

I didn’t buy them a switch/gameboy/games console of any sort (but I did buy a Wii when the oldest was about 15). They also didn’t have televisions in their bedrooms, as many of their friends did. We didn’t have anything like Netflix or any channels/services that had to be paid for (other than a TV licence), but we did have lots of videos and DVDs).

In those days children didn’t really have other screens. They both had laptops and phones when they started secondary school, but phones were very basic (they could only make calls and send texts). They had their first smartphones at 18.

I started off with a rule about no earpiercings until 16, but have a feeling I allowed it at 15.

I didn't realise how laid back I was!

1. Ears pierced at 7, on the condition she learnt to clean them herself etc, which she did.
2. Had sleepovers since she was about 3, now she's at high school we still pretty much have an open house and I love it. All the girls are open and chatty and I feel it's the best way to build relationships to be able to support them through the teenage horrors.
3. She's never been interested in drinking but when she's about 15/16 I'll happily allow alcohol with meals or special occasions, I'd rather manage it and avoid the appeal of binge drinking.
4. Screens have never really been limited but we talk about the dangers and need for non-screen time to regulate our brains.

I'd say my only hard rules are no smoking/vaping, no open social media profiles, (She's only allowed contact with people she actually knows and she has all her aunts as friends/followers who surreptitiously keep an eye out. ) and absolutely no lying or deceit. Interestingly I worked in crime/criminal justice for a very long time and I was actually less nervous about lots of aspects of parenting (eg the likihood of being snatched etc) as a consequence.

I don't allow my DC on trampolines because imo they're not toys. Two of our friends (a married couple) are a paediatric radiographer and a paediatrician and they are in complete agreement that trampolines are not toys. And it's not necessarily the breaks and sprains, the chance of neurological or catastrophic injury is too much for me. Turns out my DC also have eds and can dislocate joints by just walking and talking so it was retrospectively the right choice.

No trampolines?! We have a 12ft one in our garden and it has been the most used and enjoyed item we’ve bought our DC.

Also no play dates… I’m finding some of these so bizarre. Poor kids.

We don’t have TVs in bedroooms. No Snapchat or Tik Tok or Instagram until 15/16. No phones until they start secondary.

The snob in me predominantly…along with the aftercare and risk of pulling them. I want my little girl (6) to be a little girl and be joining in PE and park games with full gusto, not worrying about taped up ears. Just unnecessary. Luckily in our area it’s quietly frowned upon so no peer pressure and she hasn’t asked.

So no pierced ears, fizzy drinks, phones, tablets, etc until secondary school.

Eat all meals at the table, no cordial unless at a party. Fruit juice for Christmas and holidays only. No sleepovers outside of family and very longstanding family friends. No toy guns. No trampolines beyond the tiny toddler one. Strictly helmet on when riding scooters/bikes. No TVs in bedrooms. We don’t say fart or blaspheme.

But actual TV time I don’t monitor, the only rules are not before breakfast, during meals after dinner, or YouTube. I don’t mind a film afternoon in the holidays/weekends for a bit of downtime.

Grapes and cherry toms chopped up. No mini eggs. Limit sweets. Treats I would rather give cake/biscuits/chocolate/ice cream as I (think?!) these don’t stick to the teeth as much?

Rear faced until 5. Never in the front passenger seat unless pre-teen and adult sized.

Maybe I’m stricter than I thought.

I’m pretty lax on most things as my DD is very sensible, however I would always make sure that if we were at a buffet or Nando’s she had to have some vegetable on her plate. Couldn’t just have carbs on carbs on carbs.
I see kids just having chips, garlic bread plus chicken in a bun and no veg and am a bit astounded.
My Nephew just goes automatically to the cakes when there’s a buffet as he doesn’t like any food, and my DD always says to me “you’d kill me if I ever did that”

Only two of the above are actual rules the eating in the car and having to play where we can see. The rest just haven't happened yet. The robolox was a definite lapse in judgement. We supervised him playing realised it wasn't suitable so deleted it. I'm not the perfect parent I do the best I can.

DC are now upper primary. Previous rules were:

No screens before 2 years old.
Only CBeebies until 7 years old.
Rear-facing until 4 years old.
HBB until 12 years old. DD1 has grown out of hers.
Sleepovers only with known families.
Blunt tip knives from 6 years until 12 years.
No using the kettle until 12 years old.
Cooking only with adult in kitchen.
No screens upstairs.
No guests upstairs.
Helmets for bikes and scooters always.
Steel water bottles.
No new plastic toys; only second-hand.
No new tech; only second-hand.

Probably more - and more to come!

No playdates is surely actively harming your dc. Why would you want your dc not to play with their friends. Neglectful at best.

No juice, ever.
No sleepovers.
Staying up later than their bedtime even for special occasions. Not worth the tiredness the next day. 7pm bed even on Christmas. I know this will change as they get older though.

I think it’s about societal messages about what constitutes looking nice. I don’t do false lashes, nails, tan etc and am not really worried about fashion. I wear make up when it suits me rather than being a never leave the house without a full face. I look nice to me - hair done in a way that suits me, clothes that fit well and suit my body shape, jewellery of my choice. I don’t do Botox or other tweaks, but do have a regular facial. For me it’s about the choices I make because I want to rather than meeting an arbitrary, ever shifting, societal beauty standard.

I’m raising my DD to do the same so yes you can have your eyebrows waxed, but do you really need them laminated, tinted etc, yes to nail varnish/manicure but not acrylics - she’ll grow and make her own choices but avoiding the messages that tell her she needs to be a certain way is important for now.