What fairly normal things do you not let your DC do?

[Mayflyoff]

I won't let my DC have candles, my 14 yo is not impressed. I also don't let them go on fairground rides, though I'm OK with permanent rides at theme parks. Are there things you don't let your DC do, that their friends seem to do?

What has everyone been told about trampolines? We spent so much time at trampoline parks plus dd is into gymnastics.

My main rules were no fizzy drinks. Not being rude. Removing certain words from vocabulary - as a teen it would be slang. When younger words included the overuse of “like” and reconsidered “can’t”.

If your last sentence is an acknowledgment that child abused sometimes does happen in other homes then your solution that it is shared after the event is not an effective strategy to deal with the lifelong consequences. Keeping children safe from abuse is a rational concern of parents and there are ways to balance social needs and personal growth/independence without allowing sleepovers in friends’ houses.

I was suffocated growing up and all it did was make me rebel. I feel like having a balance rather than banning everything is more the way to go.

In primary school, I would only send my kids to sleepovers where I know the parents. But I do know their friend’s parents - both parents!

Someone is going to have to fill me in - what's wrong with trampolining?

My main rules are:
No awful tv e.g cocomelon
No ipads/phones
No social media
No pics of DC on the Internet

I wouldn't let one of my teens have candles because her room is a fire hazard and she's too easily distracted for it to be safe. But my other teen I'd be fine with (but she doesn't want them!).

I didn't let them have their ears pierced until they were 13 (and then only because DH argued for it, I had wanted a ban until 16) but despite being told okay at 13, they didn't get them done until they were 15 and 1/2..

But generally I approach things from a how to do what they want safely/sensibly perspective rather than using absolute bans.

No electronic devices, no soft drinks (that wasn't a hard one, just never given them as children and never liked them when they were older), no childrens menu at restaurants (mainly because the offerings were crap, again wasn't an issue to oversee).

Garden trampolines are not particularly safe. Lots of injuries.

When DC6 broke her wrist I remember the radiologist saying "Trampoline?" and while she didnt roll her eyes, it was very much implied and you could tell she was thinking "FFS, here we go again". I said "No, I wont let them have one, she slipped off a kerb and hurt it breaking her fall", which was true. Radiologist said that it was a rare day when they didnt have kids in for xrays due to trampoline injuries, a lot during the holidays. A neighbours kid, about half way up the road had a massively bad leg break on one and that was why I said no, they werent getting one.

My DCs (8, 6, 4) don’t have access to an iPad or any sort of phone for games. No video games or computer games etc. As far as their entertainment is concerned, it’s 1860, bar a few minutes of TV after dinner.

About half of the women in my flat in the first year at uni were in this situation. Also most of them had been banned from having social contact with boys to any great extent. They were absolute sitting ducks for abusive and skanky guys and had no idea how to relate to men as friends rather than boyfriends.

Made me quite averse to strict parenting (and all girls schools!).

But I’m not sending them on sleepovers with parents I don’t know……. Yes, I do know that these things can happen with the people you least think it will, but these are trusted friends, and we also have to teach our children to speak up if there is anything they are concerned about. We can’t wrap them up in cotton wool and deny them their childhood and then send them out at 18 into the world to suddenly fend for themselves?

My DD's saw this at Uni too.

I let them drink at home and got to parties with booze from 15 ish onwards.

So when they went OTT they were picked up and put to bed by me. They were safe physically and emotionally and (after they left the parties) sexually. They too were shocked by some of the sheltered kids behaviour when they went to Uni. Because, as others have said, they just went nuts like a kid handed the key to the sweet shop.

"no boys, no SM, no booze, no freedom" just means that you are setting a kid up to be set free into a world they simply dont understand and have no way to navigate safely.

Wow. There’s a lot of rules on here. I’m pretty relaxed and haven’t had any issues with my teen DD. It’s just been her and me since she was 3 though, so maybe that’s why? I do like to know who she’s with and where she’s going… but she knows she can call me any time of the day or night and I’ll come and get her. I encourage her to use me as an excuse if she ever wants to go home; she’s done that once. She is agog at some of the rules her peers live under.

I have no idea what the obsession with trampolines on this thread is all about although I at least see one other is also confused by that one
We never had a problem with letting ours have sleep overs

Swearing is not allowed but I have never heard mine swear ( 3 boys now age 21, 21 and 24 )
Slang also is not allowed but again they never picked that up either.

Our boys were allowed wine at the table at dinner on a non school night after they got to ?? 15/16 ish. ( I can’t quite remember).

No one is allowed to eat meat in the house.
We have one TV in the house, none are allowed in bedrooms( remember mine are in their 20s so wouldn’t have been able to watch films etc etc on devices when young )
They were only allowed phones when they started competing in sports away from home for school which usually started at age 10.

I really cant’t remember many normal things that we didn’t allow

I'm surprised how many say no trampolines, we have one (netted)

No sleepovers here, I just don't trust people

Absolutely no tattoos allowed

Well, I think I deserve to have a good time when I read aloud. 😁 I used to spend several hours a day reading to DC1. And I find it really unpleasant when people are persistently horrible to each other. I wouldn't invite people into my living room who behaved that way!

I'm the same about some of DH's TV programmes in which characters constantly argue and slag each other off - not that I'd stop him watching them, but I won't hang about in the same room when they're on. It isn't my idea of a good time!

The stately homes threads are going to be something to behold in 20 years time.

There are some people on here bringing their children up with truly fucked up and dare I say it abusive childhoods and it wouldn’t surprise me if many of the children on this thread are either off the rails or NC by the time they reach their 20’s.

No play dates essentially means no friends, which is abusive behaviour IMO.

Sitting a child in a high back booster seat until they;re twelve is absolutely batshit behaviour.

Making a child touch crossing buttons with their elbow among the rest of the batshit stuff in that post is setting your child up for OCD shall I go on?

I think it’s sensible that children not be given screens and IMO screens and social media are going to be the scandal of 20 years time.

But there are people on here who aren’t allowing their children to have actual childhoods. And you have to wonder why those people had children in the first place.

Many of these things are things parents should be ashamed of not proud.

The net makes no difference if they fall badly. The neighbours kid I mentioned above fell on a netted one. Several weeks in hospital and physio etc for a long time afterward.

Not worth the risk.

Ask anyone who works in A&E/X ray whether kids should be allowed back yard trampolines.

ETA Tattoos arent legally performed on under 18;s and when they are 18, you cant forbid anything anymore!

I'm not against trampolines either. Of course broken bones can happen but it can also happen with climbing trees, riding bikes and other active things.

I'm not going to ban any of those either.

Trampoline Injury Statistics in the UK

Annual Number of Injuries
The Royal Society for the Prevention of Accidents (RoSPA) reports that trampoline injuries UK hospitals treat amount to roughly 13,000 cases yearly. These incidents range from minor sprains to severe trauma requiring hospitalisation.

Age Groups Most Affected
Children under 15 represent the majority of trampoline-related injuries, with those under 6 accounting for 22-37% of emergency department visits. Medical professionals particularly warn about garden trampoline injuries in younger children, as they lack the physical development to control their bouncing effectively.

Types of Injuries
Recent trampoline accident statistics reveal:

• Lower extremity injuries (34-50% of cases)
• Upper extremity injuries (24-36% of cases)
• Head and neck injuries (10-17% of cases)
• Ankle sprains (most common single injury)

Severity of Injuries Approximately 3% of trampoline injuries result in hospitalisation, with 0.5% leading to permanent neurological damage. These statistics highlight why proper safety measures are crucial.

https://happyhideouts.co.uk/blogs/news/how-many-injuries-are-caused-by-trampolines

I know I'm a relaxed parent and I think much of that is due to me being indian but even still, my parents were super relaxed and me and my siblings were allowed to drink from a young age so we didnt go wild as adults. We all smoked, we've all done play dates, sleepovers etc. And even though some of the things we did didn't go down well with our parents, we knew we could do it and feel safe to go home in any state because they'd support us? I read some of the threads on here about parents not letting their kids home alone at the age of 16 and I genuinely think wtf? I'm 32 and from the age of 11, I would be at home alone as my mum was a single parent and worked full time. By 14, she would go to India and we would take ourselves to school, do dinner for ourselves etc but I think that's down to them being relaxed and so we were fully able to look after ourselves. In comparison, our cousins who had super strict up bringings aren't street smart, went wild at uni etc. I myself have an 8 year old and his dad is from a Caribbean background and is far stricter than I am but my son asked to get his ear pierced at the age of 3 and I said to ask his dad and so yeah he got his done at the age of 4. I've also got tattoos and piercings and got my first tattoo at 17 and my mum wasn't mad at that but was mad at who I went to for it. So again, tattoos and piercings in this household are fine. My son is autistic and no longer in school but I've always encouraged play dates and he's had sleep overs with close friends. He's allowed screen time, he's allowed to eat what he wants (all about moderation), I swear a lot and he knows all of them but doesn't swear and I think it's because I've never been strict about that. He's polite, he's funny, he's super intelligent. Everything has risks and as parents we all want the best for our kids but by restricting them, we aren't teaching them anything. I'd rather go into things with open eyes and explain the risks or the whys behind decisions but ultimately, I allow him to have autonomy over lots of things and guide him. I'd rather my child felt safe to do things without the fear of messing up and feeling like he cant turn to me. Many of the posts on here are parents who clearly love their kids but are ultimately setting them up to fail when they go out into the big wide world?!

As I said, sometimes children break bones or sprain ankles being active. Trampolines are fun and encourage children to exercise and be active.

If they do get injured on a trampoline, there's a 97% chance that hospitalisation won't even be needed. I'm very happy with that risk assessment and will not be banning trampolines.

This was before everyone had mobile phones, and any game play was on play station ones and Nintendo 64s. We would have a TV and screen ban during the entire summer holidays. It went off on the last day of term (to complaints) but though officially the ban lasted till the end of the six weeks it was often nearer the end of the October half term before the children started asking for it again. We were lucky that neither of us worked holiday times and the entire holidays would then be spent outside. The only exception would be if there was an intense period of bad weather we would settle in for a film day (videos only, no regular tv) But not more than once during the summer and only after days of getting very wet. Our happiest memories are of the long school summer holidays.

We didn't let our kids drink juice until they were 5. Even then it was just a splash of juice in water. We knew so many people who said their kids refuse to drink water we figured if it was the only option they had they would drink it. It worked out that way for us. All three of them are really good water drinkers now.