Why do you think people have good mental health ?

[GreenYodaFace]

My dh has very good mental health. I do not unfortunately. I sometimes wonder why !
Is it nature or nurture?
His dad was a very stable person and so is his mum?

Interesting thread. I think my nature and my very stable, comfortable upbringing led to me having good mental health in general, but the difficult birth of my second dc, and subsequent health issues for both of us, threw me into quite a long period of anxiety and panic attacks. I was beginning to feel a bit like that again in perimenopause but have managed to stop that with supplements. So for me, poor mental health has only ever been a direct result of either a specific stressor or hormones.

My mum also had anxiety after I was born, and in menopause, which she has never fully recovered from. My dad has always had strong mental health, I think, except for a very strange and sudden mental breakdown / psychotic episode brought on by work stress when he was about 50, which caused him to take early retirement. He was on meds for a bit, but recovered totally.

1. Your current situation - if people are having a shitty time they may well be depressed - I’ve often wondered if we should class that as a mental health problem or is an entirely rational response to things being really tough?

2. Genetics - I can easily spot family traits running through the generations.

3. Nurture, obviously

4. Propensity for introspection. I’ve observed, and studies show, that people who are busy and do a lot for others are happier. Dwelling on stuff is key and I do think there is something to be said for stiff-upper lip and grit. As a teacher it’s horrifying to see the numbers of anxious young people but I am increasingly wondering if the ever increasing focus on mental health is doing more harm than good. Parents who want to remove every obstacle from an early age at the first sign of normal nerves risk not allowing their children to build resilience. Parents who focus on the negatives, with endless after school discussions about what went wrong actually building anxieties (I experienced this myself and find it hard not to catastrophise now).

I think it can be both. Dr told me it is sometimes just a chemical imbalance. You wouldn’t blame bipolar on nurture would you? It can be the same with depression. Sometimes you need medication to correct it like high blood pressure. On the other hand I agree with a PP that a trauma in life can make you a glass empty type of person. Makes me feel guilty though as I had post natal depression and that child now suffers from anxiety.

I’ve battled with my mental health since I was 20. As I’ve got older, I realise that my childhood was pretty rubbish. I observed lots of aggression between my parents, shouting and general discord in the home. My sibling was a bully most of the time.

I now understand why I am the way I am. So my kids get a different upbringing. A positive one. One full of confidence and joy.

My mother lived in the past; whilst I do refer to my experiences, I push forward and look to the future. What’s new, new music, new fashion, new ways of thinking. My husband is the same.

I’m not perfect by any means, but I’ve set out to be completely opposite to the way I was brought up.

My husband is just a happy person generally. And I’ve noticed he doesn’t like to talk about gritty stuff. Dislikes intense debates about sad things and is ‘cheery’. Nothing really gets to him.

Maybe that’s key. Not dwelling on things.

I feel it is a mix of personality, upbringing and attitude. I’m the first to see the positive in situations and always think the best of people. If something/someone upsets me I’ve moved on within a day or two at most (usually hours).

I have a close friend who is just so different. Everything is viewed through a negative filter. She expects the worst and for people to have a bad ulterior motive. If someone upsets her then she will never, ever forget.

We’ve both had trauma in our lives but we have responded to it differently. I think of it that her bank of negative stuff just keeps growing and growing, making it feel like life is bad, whereas my bank of negative stuff is able to empty out.

When most people get anxious or depressed their thoughts often become negative and irrational. I try and identify the thought and challenge it with a more balanced thought. It helps keep my mental health stable. This is the basis of cognitive behavioural therapy.

I also think that the inane ‘you can do anything if you try hard enough / want it enough’ so often uttered by celebs and sports people is unhelpful, because it is clearly bollocks and makes it harder for people to accept failure - it makes things seem like failure when they aren’t.

I had very poor mental health as a teen and young adult - was out of school and work and very anxious and low functioning for many years. Then a series of really really terrible things happened to me - a lot of death and trauma - and somehow it also sorted me out. I'm not really sure how, to be honest, but nowadays I am a sunny, measured person who handles most things well. I just find I appreciate the world as it is - I'm happy in the sunshine, or under a tree - every day there's something to be glad about and I find that I am. I'm grateful. When bad things happen I find lessons in it for myself and move forward. I have a lot more compassion for others and find it easier to forgive everyone, including, crucially, myself.

I think those are the two underlying changes: one is I worry much less, I saw how pointless and self-indulgently harmful worrying was. The other is I'm just more grateful and glad for the good things in my life. It's been 10-15 years now since I gained this mental health, and I'm grateful for that too.

Nature plays a huge part, many issues are heritable, many anxiety disorders have a genetic component, genes can play a role in depression, even resilience can be influenced by genetics.

For those who are ND, anxiety and depression are often comorbid and rejection sensitivity dysphoria is common.

Anxiety and depression run all through my family along with being ND in one way or another.

Nurture, massively. Possibly more than nature imo, and I have worked in a related field for a long time. I also have ND family members, and although there is an element of nature, the overall MH outcomes seem to be nurture related.

Past - early experiences, challenges, supports of lack of them, early relationships and safe connections, patterns we learned and developed, family of origin etc. Current - relationships, finances, housing, culture, social influences and expectations, stereotypes, hopes and the sense of agency/disempowerment.

I do agree with this.

As someone whose brain does the exact opposite, I am very touched by this comment from @Disturbia81 :

"I’ve been through many losses and with each one I am straight away trying to find silver linings, my brain just does it. And then blocks out bad memories while still appreciating the lessons those bad things taught me. I wish I could share this ability with others" 💐

Although nurture undoubtedly plays a part, for me, it's clearly nature (aka genetics/luck).

Lots of research on this. A good book is Jonathon Haidt's book The Happiness Hypothesis.

Ime, there isn't one answer. Personality is multifactorial, but also not predestined, so it is possible to improve approach to life's difficulties with effort/techniques.

A lot of 'poor MH' is situational - it isn't pathological, its just a normal human response to abnormal circumstances. I think medicalising it is unhelpful a lot of the time (not all, clearly). Everyone's resilience threshold is different and also their locus of control - people with an internal locus of control are likely to be more contented. By medicalising we risk removing any internal locus of control (it's 'chemistry' or 'the way you're made') which disempowers people.

Both dh and I have very robust mental health. Just 'normal' amounts of anxiety, stress, sadness at some of life's events, which we move past. Never needed or had any therapy or meds in the 20 years we've been together...both late 30's/early 40's.

So far, all 3 of our dc seem the same as us (eldest is 17) and have displayed excellent mental health only. I'm not sure how or why, it's just how we've always been.

Both of our families are absolutely fucked, MH wise so it's definitely not nature with us! Dh's mum is bipolar. BIL and 2 x SIL's are all on meds for depression, BIL's MH is especially bad and has been since he was a young teen. Plus FIL and BIL are both alcoholics. On my side, my mum and two siblings are all on various meds for depression and one sibling has a serious anxiety/panic disorder.

I'd love to know how or why dh and our dc all seem to have escaped the MH difficulties every other member of our families have.

I have good mental health because I don’t care about a lot of things. I avoid the news and don’t get fixated on the likes of Trump. My DH is obsessed with Trump and it annoys him that I just shrug my shoulders about it all. He’s not affecting me so why should I let it affect my mental health?

Less stressful job.
Lower expectations, happy with the simple joys in life and not always comparing to others.
Not having a tendency to over think/analyse everything.
Having no/few physical health issues.
Having a loving family support network.
Good upbringing with no obvious trauma or parental abuse.

From my family and my partner's, the people who have thrived in life have reacted to childhood trauma by being more controlled, making the most of opportunities and generally patient about outcomes, the ones who haven't are more impulsive, are more reactive and don't think things through before they act. Creating your own security is very important after a crappy childhood.

So I think nature plays a big part of it. Some people are naturally more resilient for some reason.

However, the lack of nurture does have a big impact on the quality of relationships on both sides. If it's not modelled for you in childhood it's very easy to attract the wrong people that don't uplift or support you which I think can be a source of more trauma and mental health problems in later life.

Where you sit in the nature/nurture debate can itself be a factor. Whether you believe you were a victim of circumstance or that you forged your own destiny can affect how positive you feel about your life. There’s a useful balance that can mean you attribute success to things you’ve actively done but put any negative things down to bad luck rather than blaming yourself. I’m not saying that’s objectively correct, but it’s a useful way to be wired rather than to think it’s your own fault you’re a failure and the world is against you. Feels ideal to get a good combination of fortunate nurture (solid family, enough wealth etc) while feeling a level of self-determination but also the sanguinity to accept life’s knocks and push on without any burden.

Word for word, this is exactly my experience.

I think you have summed it up in your last sentence OP. His Mum and Dad were stable people.

If they were stable and also loving and also stayed married I think that alone is the bedrock for being mentally balanced and healthy.

I know a few women in their 40s who are very fragile - all of them out it down to their parents splitting up when they were children.

Yeah, I am starting to hate the word resilient. It's just a buzz word that people throw around without any meaning.

Honestly, it takes more resilience than some people can ever imagine to fight and recover from periods of psychosis, mania, depression, anxiety and suicidal ideation etc.

Of all the people with SMI I have known and worked with, a lack of resilience has not been the problem.

Yes, I hate the word resilience too, even though I use it. Sometimes it’s used to imply that people should put up with shit or not be affected by really tough situations, and that is a poor use of the word - victim blaming basically. I think where it is useful, in a school context, is in allowing kids to get through normal stresses - exams, normal levels of friendship challenges (not bullying), that sort of ‘resilience’. When parents facilitate children avoiding or being excused from these sorts of everyday challenges they don’t learn how to solve them, or that sometimes you can’t solve things and it’s a bit unpleasant but you’ll be fine. These kids don’t develop resilience to normal stresses and become increasingly anxious. Obviously that is not the sole cause of anxiety in kids but it something I am seeing more and more of.

I agree the word "resilient" is just the latest buzzword - it doesn't mean anything.

I had excellent metal health, until I was diagnosed with cancer for a 4th time. Now it’s shot to pieces!!

I think it's not having met the event that breaks you.

Five years ago I'd have said I had great mental health, things came easily to me, and I was laid back so I would brush off things. I'd have said I wasn't someone who was going to struggle mentally. I just wasn't that personality.

I now have PTSD, depression, and have been through a time of being suicidal and self harm, due to bullying at work. It wasn't that I was stronger mentally; more that I hadn't had the event that caused this.

Don't think people are too strong for mental health problems.

Lack of trauma in most but also:

Exercise
Eating well
Sleeping well