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Why do you think people have good mental health ?

141 replies

GreenYodaFace · 17/05/2025 20:37

My dh has very good mental health. I do not unfortunately. I sometimes wonder why !
Is it nature or nurture?
His dad was a very stable person and so is his mum?

OP posts:
Imcomingovertoyourplace · 18/05/2025 03:06

Personally I think it’s genetics, plus stress/ trauma. How we react to and perceive the world, how we cope with life events, what our caregivers in childhood told us about ourselves.
i work in MH and we work with people from all walks of life and demographics but it’s interesting how much parents speak about their child’s personality traits early on. I mean obviously some do this to distance the influence of their parenting from their child’s MH. But I think you could do a lot of brilliant work by picking out those children early on who struggle with anxiety, anger, rumination, low self esteem and/or difficulties relating to others and doing some work with them early on.

bluejelly · 18/05/2025 03:34

Nurture is a key part, I think if you grew up with supportive parents and decent self esteem it’s like an extra layer of protection from life’s ups and downs.
Having said that, therapy and the right medication can work wonders even if you didn’t. With the right treatment and decent basics (housing/safety/economic stability etc) I believe we can all have have good mental health.

Renabrook · 18/05/2025 03:39

I habe no idea if this is god or bad mental health or a mix but I just left what happened to me in my childhood there, something happens as an adult I deal with and move on, I don't deliberately find things to constantly worry about, I choose not to feel judged just because someone is in the same room as me or just exists or at school or work, I don't seek out things online to obsess over, I do take people as I find them and just get on with things

I don't think this over thinking thing people seem to do sounds good so I choose not to do it

VirgosNeedGoals · 18/05/2025 03:43

Honestly? Probably a little bit of narcism

justmeandmyselfandi · 18/05/2025 04:12

VirgosNeedGoals · 18/05/2025 03:43

Honestly? Probably a little bit of narcism

If you've ever known a true narcissist, they have very poor mental health. They hide it well though, until they can't.

Helpmeplease2025 · 18/05/2025 04:21

VirgosNeedGoals · 18/05/2025 03:43

Honestly? Probably a little bit of narcism

Completely disagree with this.

kaos2 · 18/05/2025 04:47

I do my my sister doesn’t and nor did my mum and nor does my daughter so work that out ! My dad was ok so I guess I’m more like him . My son is also fine .
i just always bounce back in the face of hardships and i really have had a lot stuff thrown at me in my life so who knows

Spiderwomann · 18/05/2025 05:44

I think like physical health lots of people with decent mental health often actively do things that help even if they don't realise it. People never understand me when I say this, but although I have a mental illness (sectioned several times as a teenager and young woman but thankfully managed well with medication now) I would say my mental health overall is decent.

WhitegreeNcandle · 18/05/2025 06:03

stability, routine, a good support network of family and friends. Work, a purpose, helping others. Resilience and an understanding that life is not easy, perfect or fair.

footpath · 18/05/2025 06:38

I know quite a few people who are in to physical health ie work out, eat well but I wouldn't say they are mentally that strong as some of them are a bit obsessed with healthy eating, exercising every day etc & a small bump can unsettle them.

Arseynal · 18/05/2025 06:51

I don’t have a fabulous background and I disagree that you need to be trauma free to have good mental health. I’m resilient and don’t over personalise things that aren’t personal and don’t assume every bad situation will last forever. I’m fairly self contained but I consciously maintain friendships with people I really like and have a good support network. If I have a problem I try to solve if it it’s solvable eg dh lost his business and we had ££££ debt so I worked on what we could do to consolidate that, how we could boost our income and slash our outgoings and survive it and we have survived it. It’s been a tough 6 years but we are winning. DH was quite low about it for a while but hand wringing butters no parsnips and I’ve got kids to feed. Sometimes things that are a big challenge build up your resilience rather than crush you.Ive discovered that I can just do things so I do them. Doing things rather than ruminating helps massively. If you don’t do things then they become bigger challenges than they have any right to be (ie people who can’t talk in the phone - it’s not hard but they haven’t done it so think it is)

Annoyingsquirrels · 18/05/2025 06:51

I have a genetic condition which affects the brain and causes anxiety and depression. I wouldn't have known about it until I happened to be tested in my late 30s. I think it is possible that many people with mental issues have genetic susceptibility.

That said I have improved my mental health signicantly through lifestyle measures - diet and exercise. Most neurotransmitters are produced in the gut so what you eat can have a major impact.

terracelane23 · 18/05/2025 06:52

Helpmeplease2025 · 17/05/2025 21:38

Not ruminating.

Agreed.

faerietales · 18/05/2025 06:55

I was misdiagnosed with poor mental health and medicated for years. Neither of my parents ever struggled with theirs and I had a fantastic childhood and upbringing.

Turns out I’m autistic 🤷‍♀️

Jacarandill · 18/05/2025 07:02

CointreauQuaint · 18/05/2025 02:42

They are rich / don’t need to work full time or for much money.

Sorry, but this is absolute bullshit.

Doing meaningful work is proven to be a factor in maintaining good mental health and it’s also pretty well known that many wealthy people are utterly miserable.

Not working or not having to work would actually impact your mental health in a negative way.

Cotswoldmama · 18/05/2025 07:10

I struggled a bit as a teen but I think that's quite usual with hormones everywhere and suddenly your not a child but not quite an adult. As an adult I haven't struggled I think although I'm shy I'm confident and independent. I've never needed validation from someone else. I think it nature and nurture combined.

DamnedIfIDoDamnedIfIDont · 18/05/2025 07:12

Meadowfinch · 17/05/2025 21:32

I'm the other way round. My childhood was not great, but that makes everything now feel light & optimistic.

I have a wonderful ds, we get on well, we have a nice home I have a career, no major worries. It's summer. No-one gets to spoil it. I'm having a lovely time giving ds a much better childhood. 🙂It 's hard to feel down when things are so good.

Same here, emotional and physical abuse all my childhood. Left home at 16 to escape this.
I have since carved out the most amazing life for myself, beyond my wildest dreams.
Every day is filled with joy happiness and gratitude especially for not living in that hell. I made sure my kids didn’t have to suffer that too.
I could actually pinch myself im that blessed and overjoyed

Jem96 · 18/05/2025 07:18

feelingbleh · 17/05/2025 21:42

I think genetics/personality type has a significant amount to do with it. My family you could cut down the middle of people who struggle with their mental health and others who have excellent mental health and even with the kids in the family it was really obvious from them being very young what way it would go and as they've gotten older it's been proven correct

I was going to say I think confidence (but the kind you have from childhood) seems to be important, in my opinion. My general lack of confidence means I often struggle with self-belief and self-esteem and it contributes to me becoming anxious about things confident people just wouldn’t be affected negatively by. So confidence is actually something I really hope my very young DDs turn out to be and we will be conscious of trying to instil and model that.

DancefloorAcrobatics · 18/05/2025 07:24

I agree nurture & nature.
But nurture plays a big part. Everyone will suffer from low moods and stress at different stages in their life. It's how you adress and overcome them that makes all the difference.

Wibblywobblybobbly · 18/05/2025 07:30

IWillAlwaysBeinaClubWithYouin1973 · 17/05/2025 21:38

I always refer back to the explanation that if nothing bad has ever happened to you, you always "look on the bright side" but if something terrible has happened, you wait for it to happen again. (or again and again in some cases Sad )

I've got a friend who believes in positive thought. She says that if you "think positive" you'll have a great life, she actually said it was a sort of faith or religion for her. But that's ridiculous and insulting to many who have had major traumas, or lots of micro aggressions over the years, who just feel terrible about pretty much everything. Needless to say she's never had any problems and her life is genuinely good of course!

I don't think that's true for everyone. For some people of course. But for other people it won't be.

On paper I've had some truly awful things happen, which people find truly shocking. I've also got a serious health condition that has impacted my whole life. But I've got pretty good mental health and I'm very resilient. I don't allow myself to dwell on negative thoughts or things that have happened because I know it would destroy me. If I can't change it or take positive action as a result of something, I don't allow myself to get caught in the thought pattern. When a new bad thing happens I still feel awful, but I don't let myself get caught up in it and I move on.

For me I think a stable loving childhood helped. even though some awful things happened. Diet makes a huge difference to my mental health too. Mostly the ability to control my thoughts, but I don't know if that's nature or nurture.

LlynTegid · 18/05/2025 07:36

Assuming they are not hiding their mental health issues, I wonder if good and consistent sleep patterns helps. It has made a great difference to me.

Emanresuunknown · 18/05/2025 07:37

I think its about nurture and about expectations.

Everyone in my family has robust mental health but we were raised to expect that life has it's ups and downs and that not everything will be a bed of roses!

Eg we were definitely raised to be compromising, you can't always get what you want, can't always have things exactly your way.

I think these days too many people were told as kids to expect the moon handed to them on a plate, that they'd definitely have lots of money /nice lifestyle, that everything was theirs for the taking. The reality isn't like that, most people will just lead very ordinary lives where if you want treats and luxuries you have to save and enjoy them infrequently.

TeenToTwenties · 18/05/2025 07:41

By not having to deal with more than they can cope with.

My DD has had a lot to cope with in her life, she crashed in covid. I have always been fine, but DD very very nearly pulled me under with her, luckily my DH was a rock to cling to.

scalt · 18/05/2025 07:48

The books "Families and how to survive them" and "Life and how to survive it" by Robin Skynner and John Cleese have a lot of discussion on mental health; admittedly the books were written in the 1980s, so might be a bit dated now. A few points I remember are:

Before the time of the first book (in the 1980s), psychiatrists were simply not interested in "really healthy" families, so there was not much research had been done on them.

One aspect of being "healthy" is being aware of your emotions, and being able to express them. Emotions perceived as "negative" such as anger, sadness, envy, anxiety are not problematic in themselves: what is a problem is when a whole family pretends that they never feel these things, so they burst out. In each family, some emotions are regarded as "bad", and they have an unspoken but very powerful agreement that these must never be noticed; and occasionally, they burst out. People tend to mimic their parents in which emotions are regarded as "good" and "bad", and tend to be attracted to partners with similar "good" and "bad" emotions.

Being able to accept change easily is an indicator of mental health. Any change, even a pleasant one, takes a certain amount of "adjusting".

A surprising point is that psychiatrists and therapists are usually not much more "mentally healthy" than anybody else; and if they had perfect mental health, they would actually find it very difficult to help somebody overcome their own problems, without ever having experienced it themselves. Indeed, they undergo therapy as part of their own training and development.

It can be difficult for somebody to see their own level of mental health objectively, without outside help: everybody instinctively believes that their own level of mental health is "the best", because of the values we set ourselves. In the first chapter of the second book, after Robin has been objectively describing perfect mental health, John Cleese says "you've been cheerfully offending all these people who thought they had perfect mental health".

IButtleSir · 18/05/2025 07:49

It's definitely a combination of nature and nurture. It's impossible to separate the two.