How do you honestly feel about a baby having two mums?

[Corneliusthecamel]

Hi,

Recently, a close friendship has come to an end and it’s been difficult to process. Long story short - I am a woman married to another woman and I gave birth to a baby last year who was conceived via sperm donor/fertility treatment through the NHS. We are all really happy and she is beautiful.

A good, long term friend of mine has become increasingly distant over the past couple of years. I confronted her about this recently and she admitted that she struggles with my life choices and doesn’t feel it’s right that I have chosen to bring a baby up with another woman. She feels very strongly that a baby should have a traditional mum and dad unit where possible and feels that I am wrong for choosing this path.

Anyway, the friendship is over, and I think that’s the right thing for both of us - it’s not really possible to carry on when we both have such different views and experiences of the world.

But it has made me want to ask - what are your honest opinions of two women choosing to pursue fertility treatment and having a baby? Obviously it’s my life and I’m happy so in one way, who cares. But I truly didn’t think my friend held those types of views and often, people won’t speak their true thoughts in real life, so I am curious what people truly think about it

Fuck me some of these replies are disgusting. Gay couples are entitled to be parents, like everyone else. OP you do not need that homophobic prick of a “friend” in your life, good riddance

Goodness, I’m so sorry you’ve experienced this. I suppose better to know that your former friend is hateful but still so painful for you to go through.

of course I have no objections to babies being raised in families with loving parents. Doesn’t matter to me how they identify or what their genitals look like. Congrats on the birth of a healthy baby and helping another friend become a mum, what an incredible gift.

I feel the same about this and about two women adopting. I think a baby needs mum and dad. Not just one. It’s different if a couple have a baby and then end up separating or god forbid a parent dies. But deliberately going into something with an anonymous donor with two mums or two dads, no.

It doesn't bother me at all

I have an old friend that is Mum (not the birth Mum) and is now no longer with her wife, who has a 13 year old.

No one is entitled to be parents.

No one.

Why?

Nobody is “entitled” to be a parent.

Nor does anyone have “rights” to a child.

I have no issue with gay parents. My issue is the “entitlement” to have a child leading to the abuse of women’s bodies and treating children as a commodity.

children have rights, parents have responsibilities. Do no harm. My belief is surrogacy causes harm.

2 mums, 2 dads, 1 mum, 1 dad, if a child is loved, and cared for, what does it matter what is between the parents legs.

There are some awful 'traditional parents out there

I watch my close friends go through years of hell to become fathers, those children were loved before they even met.

I don't think I could consider myself a mother in this situation if I didn't give birth to the child. More of an auntie type of role. And yes I know adoptive mothers are mothers, but usually there isn't a birth mother living in the family unit, so it's a bit different. They have more 'space' to take on the mother role in those cases.

I don't have an opinion on what other people do or feel though in this situation. If it works for them I'm fine with it.

No issue at all.

I think in an ideal world, a child being raised with a mum and dad who are happy and together is the best option.

But being raised by 2 women or 2 men is fine, I don’t have an issue with it.

We have neighbours, a gay (male) couple. They have b/g twins born to a surrogate in America. (I do have a huge issue with commercial surrogacy btw.) They are a wonderful family and the 2 dads are very devoted parents.

I think any child is lucky if they grow up in a loving home, whether that’s with one parent or two, of one sex or both sexes. I think it’s also important for children to have adult role models of both sexes, whether that’s a parent, family member, teacher or another trusted adult.

But weird as it's a sperm donor

Why do you think a baby needs a mum and a dad? What can a dad provide that another mum can’t? Just curious.

This 🫶🏽

@Corneliusthecamel you had to have known your post would bring all the whackos out.
anti this, that, and the other.... 🙄🥱

Live your life, enjoy being a parent and f'ing ignore the haters.

I know a couple of gay dad couples who are very nurturing parents and absolutely give their child everything they could need in every aspect.

But I do agree that many would be like that- but that’s the same of many heterosexual couples who have children because it’s the “norm”. I’ve nannied for very rich people who have absolutely zero time for their children, but will have more and more because they can afford a nanny for each one!

So in short, no, I think a lesbian couple or a gay couple can absolutely be brilliant parents when they’re caring people and doing it to provide a loving home to a child.

It doesn’t sit right with me. Mainly because the child when young gets biology mixed up, thinking they have 2 mums and no dad.

There’s a child in ds (8) class who has “two mums” and told ds that she doesn’t have a dad.

so ds was then being taught by this child that 2 girls can have a baby without a boy, I then had to explain that it was impossible for her to be here without a father, which then resulted in Ds wanting to know too much information for his age.

The girl then got cross with ds who informed her that she will have a father otherwise it’s not possible for her to exist.

children don’t have two mums or two dads and I wouldn’t like to be born into such family set up.

That's just not the case, is it? Fertile adults who have heterosexual sex are absolutely entitled to be parents if they choose. And they can be very bad at it indeed, to the lasting detriment of their children.

@TequilaNights it's nothing to do with traditional parents, it's about the rights of a child. To create a child purposely without knowledge of their parent/parents is not in the best interest of that child. A child might not care if they don't know their biological mum or dad, but they should have the right to know them and from an early age, they should be able to have that choice. Not to purposely right from conception take that right away.

This is different from adoption where, it is unfortunately, best for that child not to be with their biological family. But that will be a hard decision for professionals to make.

I feel the same about fertility treatment on the NHS regardless of the sex of the putative parents.
I think the money could be better spent by treating illnesses of existing people.

Wow!
You don't have to pass your prejudice onto the next generation.
There is a world of difference between genetic material and parenting.

Well you are applying your own definition of the word father. A father to me is someone involved in the child’s life, a role model, there for the day-to-day life. If you take my definition she doesn’t have a father. She is saying it how it is for her family and it isn’t for you to say that’s incorrect. When your daughter is old enough she will get it for herself but don’t project your own issues with it onto her.

i know this is a serious issue and for the record I think a child needs loving parents regardless of sex. But I think I may have taken political correctness to the extreme when I found myself saying to a cat who seems to follow mine around and I’m not sure if he’s a stray or not “ where is your mummy and daddy, or mummy and mummy or daddy and daddy” my husband had overheard me and said “have you just politically correctly talked to the stray” . It appeared I had 😂