How do you honestly feel about a baby having two mums?

[Corneliusthecamel]

Hi,

Recently, a close friendship has come to an end and it’s been difficult to process. Long story short - I am a woman married to another woman and I gave birth to a baby last year who was conceived via sperm donor/fertility treatment through the NHS. We are all really happy and she is beautiful.

A good, long term friend of mine has become increasingly distant over the past couple of years. I confronted her about this recently and she admitted that she struggles with my life choices and doesn’t feel it’s right that I have chosen to bring a baby up with another woman. She feels very strongly that a baby should have a traditional mum and dad unit where possible and feels that I am wrong for choosing this path.

Anyway, the friendship is over, and I think that’s the right thing for both of us - it’s not really possible to carry on when we both have such different views and experiences of the world.

But it has made me want to ask - what are your honest opinions of two women choosing to pursue fertility treatment and having a baby? Obviously it’s my life and I’m happy so in one way, who cares. But I truly didn’t think my friend held those types of views and often, people won’t speak their true thoughts in real life, so I am curious what people truly think about it

I've not RTFT and won't now if this is how a load of posts are.

I have a day son, if he has kids then it will (obviously!) be with another man. I didn't realise there was still so much prejudice out there 😥

A gay son.

I'm on the fence. I have no issue with same sex relationships and I understand why you might want a family. I do, however, have an issue with the NHS funding fertility treatment when the organisation as a whole is financially struggling and extremely ill people are on never ending waiting lists, yet it seems to have a never-ending supply of funds for IVF and gender transition surgery. I also have an issue with people having babies via sperm donors without seriously considering the impact it might have on a child to potentially never know their father. I don't doubt two women can be wonderful, loving parents to a child but a child also, realistically, can only be born to a man and a woman and a child shouldn't have to pay for the repercussions of your choices and not knowing where they truly came from. That said, I don't wish you ill and I hope you are very happy. Ultimately, we live in a world where we are led to believe we can, and should, have it all but, realistically, it is pretty much always at the detriment of someone or something else.

Two of the best parents I know- who have done an amazing job of adopting and brining up very sucessfully a girl who had a very challenging start to live (all the ACES you can imagine)- are two married men.

@TENSsion what about a woman who used a donor egg?

I think a large part of this stems from the fact that most of the two dad families we see are SM influencers, who pretty much all give me the creeps- shallow, vacuous, entirely self-centred (the men and the women tbh)

I only know one two-dad family in real life, and they're exactly the same as any other family (and the dad I know the best is the one who stayed home when the kids were tiny, and the one who now does the schools runs etc, and he's exactly as doting, loving, self-sacrificing as any mum I know).

I have no issue with same sex couples raising children, through fostering, adoption or if one of them had a child previously.

I do have an issue with children being created purposefully to grow up without and not knowing their biological father or mother. So it doesn’t matter if it’s 2 women, 2 men, a single person or a heterosexual couple. I am against all procurement of eggs or sperm.

These are my feelings also.

One of my 7 year old girl's best friends is a little boy being raised by two men. He also has a younger brother. They're a lovely family, and lovely little boys. I don't see a problem with either.

I would be find it very difficult to be brought up by two men and would constantly feel short changed not having a mum. Two mums would be fine.

I'd have thought the main thing was how the baby felt about it when it became a little older.

I truly think lucky baby, lucky child, lucky Mums.

That sums up my view too.

Unfortunately sometimes a child loses a parent, but to purposely create a child without both biological parents involved feels wrong and unfair for the child.

None of my business unless I'm one of the mums.

Happy that the baby is lived with two parents. Two active parents are better than two where one is and one isn’t x

I dont have an issue

BUT I always wonder if children have a longing desire to know their biological parent.

I grew up in a single parent household and raised my first as a single parent and whilst growing up I had an amazing village and my DD has a village in my family - I know the feeling of not knowing your dad. And yes - I have had a great life, my mum remarried and my step dad is a great man, but I find it sad that my biological dad hasn’t been involved in a chunk of my life. I have chats with my DD and whilst she is happy and thriving, I know that it would be nicer if her dad was involved.

But also there must be a reason many adopted people -marek birth parents.

Sorry don’t mean to be so bleak - whilst I truly believe we do the best with our circumstances and I think a family is a family, as long as you have live you will be OK - but I know it’s been a hole for me and may be for others?

Can you see how the child may not feel ‘lucky’ and be envious of their friends that have both their biological parents involved? That that child may miss 50% of its biological and genetic background?

I don’t have an issue with it. 1 of my daughters in a same sex marriage. Her wife is pregnant. As long the child is loved and provided for it’s really non of our business.

I remember finding out a girl in my class had two mums and I was really jealous.

To be honest I think it’s fine, maybe if the child is a boy it could be hard work, but just because you have two mums doesn’t mean there’s no good male role model. In fact I know a few boys who have dads, who don’t even have a good male role model. I am iffy about two men though, I can’t lie.

There’s no prejudice against any gay people. Everyone can love who they want.

However, children’s needs come first and having children is not a right.

Lucky baby. That’s what I think.

It? Women have children by donar if their husband has fertility issues and there’s adopted children this isn’t really any different. It’s rather old fashioned if you think otherwise.

What about it?
I disagree with surrogacy, and children being conceived with the intention of not knowing their biological background. Donor eggs would come under this.

It wouldn't even scratch my consciousness.

My neighbours, two ladies, one has two young sons from a former relationship. The other has custody of a grandchild. And recently, the parents of the grandchild have moved into their annexe.

They all seem to get on. Are generally a cheerful household. That's all that matters.