Messy situation - pregnant with wfb's baby

[Namechanged140525]

Very tricky situation, I am neither of these people, but I'm trying to help as much as I can but don't know what advice to give. I am friends with Sarah and know of Joe.

Let's call the woman Sarah and the man Joe.

Sarah is a British citizen, she is 45 years oldand has four children, 20, almost 18, 13, and 10 (two eldest and two youngest have different fathers)

Sarah divorced her first husband after he became a drug addict, her second husband suddenly passed away. A year or two later she met a 20 year old man, Joe (now 24), non-British (this is relevant for the story) on a dating app. They dated for a couple of years but decided to break up as Joe's parents are very religious and wouldn't accept Sarah.
Sarah and Joe remain best friends and have casual sex.
A while later, Joe announces that since his student visa's expired, he has to move back to his home country (all his family including parents and siblings still live in the UK).
Sarah offers to go to his home country and the two youngest kids to visit.
Sarah falls in love with the country despite not speaking the language and decides to move there a few months later with her two youngest children.

Joe and Sarah are still casual, he sometimes sleep over at hers, he doesn't have a permanent address and airbnb hops, but she stays at his from time to time too. Joe gets along with the children and even accompanied them and Sarah on the kids' first day of school.

Sarah unexpectedly gets pregnant. Joe asks her not to tell his parents and suggests an abortion, Sarah wants to keep the baby and tells his parents, in the hope that they will make him see some sense.
The whole family blocks her and Joe ghosts her, move out from his airbnb, and is nowhere to be found.

Sarah is a (smallish) social media influencer.
She calls him out and publicly posts his name and socials.

Joe is unaware of it and shared all his details including his phone number on said socials.
He doesn't want to be a father, he is now engaged to a girl his age as his parents disapprove of the age gap.
Joe and Sarah live in a religious country where having children out of wedlock is a crime.

What would you do?
Also, would you let Joe know?
Sarah refuses to take down his details

But she is NOT a decent person. She had sex with a 20 year old when she was 42. No wonder he feels coerced and groomed.

Where is the sympathy for him on this thread? Is it because he’s Muslim that people have decided he deserves none? Sickening.

Is he Muslim? I don’t remember the op confirming that, must’ve missed it.

This …. As a single mother how is she affording all this ? As she is not resident I’m assuming she has no monetary help coming in from the government? All sounds very bizarre to me

OP, I think the advice you need here isn’t for Sarah, it’s for you.

From everything you’ve posted, this woman does not want and will not take advice from you. She is caught up in her own drama and is not keen on reality intruding.

You need t protect yourself here.

If you like her and want to stay friends with her you need to withdraw from being emotionally invested in what happens to her or her children. Let her talk, nod and smile. Go with the good vibes and don’t challenge her on what she’s doing. If she asks for advice just be a bit clueless. “Oh, I’m not sure. It all sounds so complicated. Is there a lawyer/ex-pat community/SM guru you could ask? They’d probably know more than me.” And if she ever comes to her senses you can offer whatever support you feel you want to.

If it’s the children you’re really worried about and you don’t really care about your relationship with Sarah any more then you could try asking social service for the area she last lived in if they have any responsibility for her children and express your concern. From what you say it sounds like the father of the children who are with her has died, so you can’t talk to him and let him know the situation, but if you know his parents (or other relatives who might be concerned) then talking to them might be a good idea, but it’s very hard to know how people will take it or what they would or could do.

But mainly this is a train wreck that you can’t stop. What will happen will happen and what you say or do will likely have zero impact. So if you don’t want to keep her as a friend or talk to SS or her/the kids’ relatives, then it’s okay to just drop her and spend your emotional energy on something more worthwhile.

Is your nickname for this friend, “Jackanory”? If not, it ought to be.

I would advise her to move to a country where she can get permeant and stable residence. Doesn't have to be the UK.

Her mistakes are done and gone now. No use complaining or looking back. Now look ahead - non-stable living conditions like staying in a country that you have no ability to permanently reside in (and are likely working illegally in) is not a good long-term situation.

She doesn't have to come back to the UK, but she needs to figure out a place to go that can give her permanent/long-term visa options that will give her family security.

Well Sarah is a dumbass isn't she? 😆😆😆 Sorry to be harsh but now she knows why Joe didn't want to make things official has she met his parents? Joe probably hasn't even told them about her so is saying they don't like her

I think you should stay well out of it OP

Agree with other PPs that a lot isn’t adding here - cost of living so expensive in the UK but £12,000 pa on school fees plus another baby on the way is completely doable? Even with accomodation / bills being cheaper and the sale of the house it all seems mad. I know it’s not impossible but how likely is it her full time job allows her to work 100% remotely indefinitely in a country with presumed time difference and she has managed to get all this arranged plus selling the house, plus getting school places for her two youngest children within a couple of months? Maybe she has been extremely lucky but most people I know who have emigrated especially with children it’s taken best part of a year to sort through all these bits.

If this is all true Sarah has tried to entrap a man half her age who is the same age of her eldest child (who she has no issue with abandoning in the UK whilst moving abroad). If she truly did want a fresh “cheaper” start and Joe isn’t the reason why she moved then the SM post doesn’t make sense. Call me cynical but has she actually moved / “accidentally got pregnant” because she thinks it will be better for her SM content

From everything you’ve said so far - it doesn’t sound like Sarah actually wants any advice and is quite happy with her decisions and Ofc the advice of the “solicitor” which sounds completely made up. If you’re close friends support her in whatever capacity you can but I don’t think there’s anything you can “do” as such rather than watch this car crash from afar

He has a penis so isn't allowed sympathy on this page! I can only imagine the replies if it was a 40yo man sleeping with a 20 yo girl

Someone find her tiktok! I need to watch her craziness

She needs professional help and her poor children, I just can't even imagine what she is like to live with. Irresponsible, manipulative abuser to say the least. Run Joe run! What a shame the children can't.

Nothing about this situation rings true, there's just too much information about things in your OP, but when questioned on these matters you seem vague OP.

This "Sarah" has in this story got herself into an awful lot of trouble. So for the "plot"

If "Joe" does press the coerced and groomed narrative. Charges can be brought against "Sarah"... The sheer fact she's uprooted her kids to go to his country would enforce this. She is living in dodgy landlords properties, so is there illegally. She won't have got her kids into Schools or a bank account without papers, so she's not being honest there either.

If she has breached the Countries laws of.

Falling pregnant outside of wedlock

If she has been abusive or defamatory on SM

Converted to the faith of the country and of "Joe" this will be a worse crime than if she'd stayed within her own religion

She would need to have a work assurances, as there would need to be an onus for tax obligations

If the child is born in that country and "Sarah" is an illegal alien. She may be imprisoned, deported, or other fates, and not permitted to take her child, or forced to leave the child with "Joe's" family.
(If Joe is looking to get a good marriage match, his family will definitely try to silence "Sarah" there's been cases where the child will be removed from the mother, and hidden in orphanages to spare the families honour.

None of "Sarahs" actions ring true. There would be far too many implications. So she's either spinning you a yarn OP, or you need to work on your plot a little more.

@Namechanged140525 I'm guessing she is in one of the Middle Eastern Gulf countries. If so, I really hope it's not Saudi. If she is in the ME, regardless of which country, and she is definitely pregnant then she definitely needs to leave as she will be arrested.

As for the cost of her rent/bills/food etc. then I can believe those prices are correct if she is living in a more "local" type flat as opposed to an expat community area.

The leaving and returning every 30 days for her visa is also fairly common for people who are not here on working or investor visas, so again could easily be true. Though has she got a plan for if she is unable to travel one month, i.e. she's really ill or in labour!! The fines can be pretty hefty for overstaying, and of course it could result in her being refused entry back into the country, not even to collect her possession or sell her car etc.

Oh what a mess!

Yes, she needs to come back to the UK.

She’s living safely on borrowed time.

the poor other children.

@Boreded
she is in Asia somewhere, my guess is India

@PearTreeBoat
I'm guessing she is in one of the Middle Eastern Gulf countries

My bet is on Malaysia.
However, I don't think she'd get away with that many visa runs in a row there, they'd ask questions after a while.

Feel like we need the Clive and Julija thread detectives on this!

Finding it hard to believe tbh and if it's true she is being unbelievably stupid and had been unbelievably lucky not to get into trouble with authorities yet.

It’s made up. Too many loopholes in the story. No country let’s you back in on the same day every 60 or 90 days, no questions asked. The children’s visa must have expired too.

This can’t be true. You can’t leave and return same day as a “loophole”, there are minimum time periods before you’re able to return, usually 3 months. OPs having us on.

Risky!

I don’t understand why she is calling out Joe! It’s bizarre… what was she expecting?

this is no way to trap a person

I think it's Pakistan, a mostly moslem, socially conservative country. The cost of living is probably quite a bit less than in the UK too, which would not be the case in most of the Gulf states.

Sounds like she's spinning a whole web of lies here, moved to Joe's country and the schooling okay, but the rest sounds a load of shite I'd be another one wondering about the pregnancy.
She's obviously got problems to be plastering Joe's details on line for a start and then there is all the other stuff, won't get arrested if not a citizen🙄🤔.

Hmmmmmm

Are you deciding on whether to buy the book when it's out too? 🤔

I suspect she is a liar and a fantasist.

And a 41 year old who grooms a 20 year old isn’t really in a position to be shaming anyone.

But either way, I doubt she’s ever moved anywhere, and is still happily residing in the UK, but this all makes for good likes and clicks.

In a month’s time she will have a “heartbreaking miscarriage” to bring this whole sorry saga to a close. And then she will inexplicably return to the UK to live out the rest of her life and come up with the next fantasy.

🤔